Trust your instincts
Your instincts are your truth.
No, I did not say to trust your addiction.
We cannot trust our addictions, they are not our instincts.
Addictions take us to places of avoidance.
Instincts take us to a place of truth.
Generally when we find ourselves in an addictive state of any nature, food, people, shopping, alcohol, gambling, sex, toxic relationships, and so on, we are in avoidance mode.
Addiction = avoidance of generally pain and truth. Our honest true feelings and what we see.
The truth is too painful so we become addicted to avoid the truth.
Often it is said of addiction, is that the person has on their running shoe's.
And what are they running from?
The truth, their instincts, their feelings, change, fear, lonliness, and so forth.
If you are obsessing about a narcissist, I guarantee, you are running from the CORE issue's or problems in your life.
There are issue's, problems, fears....you feel badly, lonely, not sure what to do or how to solve your current situations, we all find ourselves coping with and looking to solve in our lives.
Along comes the Narcissist.
HE APPEARS to be the solution to the issue's at hand.
Oh great, now I will be happy and all will be well.
The Narcissist tailors his spiel to fit and fill your particular wants and needs in life.
You begin to become increasingly more dependent on the HIT you receive from this great fixer of problems you already had.
My inner hole is no longer empty, it is now filled with this amazing love of my life.
Wow, now I feel great, I am not alone in this anymore. I have a partner, a soul mate, a confidante, who understands me like a book.
Yeah right.......let's not be too hasty here.
You wish that was what you had.
He begins to show cracks in his false personna, you are beginning to see he is not who he pretends and professes to be.
Others begin to comment on the change in you and not for the good.
You defend your right to love him, there is NO WAY in hell you are going to even consider giving up your right for happiness.
How dare others imply that I am making a mistake. They don't know what we have when he is good. He is great.
You find yourself ignoring your instincts and pushing them down further down. Heck ingnoring your instincts is becoming a full time job.
Afterall, one cannot remain fully conscience and continue in a relationship with a narcissist.
All this inner stuffing is beginning to take a toll on you, the human psyche was not designed to stuff it's instincts.
So you leave your body. You say adios amigo, I no longer need you, I have this covered.
You begin to spend the lion's share of your time in your head, safe from the probing inquiries from your body and soul to reveal the truth to you.
Everytime by this point you go back to your body you become sick and tired, overwhelmed with pain and you resolve to ignore more and more and more truth.
Eventually the head has taken complete control of your body.
Most of the day is now spent in a spinning mode. You go round and round with the obsessive thoughts, trying desparately to think your way back to the peace and happiness you found during the honeymoon stage with the narcissist.
He has D&D you by now and your hours and days are filled with FB stalking, driveby's, research. Frantically researching site after site after site, trying to get to the bottom of what happened and what you can do to feel better and make him see the truth, what he has in you, how great it could be.
He comes back and you get that old familiar hit, yet within hours or days, it is gone as you sink deeper and deeper into the depths of self denial, relationship thoughts.
You eventually arrive here on the path forward.
You begin to feel hope and support in a way you have not felt in a long time.
Perhaps there is hope now, perhaps you can learn enough to confront him and help him to understand so he will do better and change.
When it is suggested that you no longer speak to him by someone here.
You freak out.
NO, NO WAY.
I will not give up my drug.
I am loving and empathetic and you DON'T get it, you are bitter and hateful and you don't understand I LOVE my Narcissist, I'm not like you.
I will make this work in spite of what you are saying to me, you are wrong, you have this all wrong.
I will NOT do the work on myself, this is NOT about me, this is about HIM.
He needs to learn to love me better and I will make him do this.
I have no intentions of becoming like YOU. Accpeting what he is and giving up.
My Narcissit really loves me, maybe yours did not, but mine does.
So you figure out how to suck him back in and he does it again.
You come back here and feel worse than ever.
Terrified to tell anyone the truth. So afraid of the responses. The truthful responses.
You try to reclaim your body and your instincts and the pain you feel at reentering your truth space takes your breath away.
You begin crying and cannot stop, you feel as though the pain will never end and the only hope you have is to get HIM to understand.
You may toy with the idea of getting yourself better however by now, your thoughts are running the show and you listen to them and run from the truth.
You find a few others like yourself here and you talk off board.
This is great, we can talk about the Narcissist for hours and hours, we are all stuck in obsessive mode and this goes on for months.
You wake up one morning hungover from the previous nights obsesive talking about the narcissist.
You are beyond sick of hearing about their narc, heck by now, you have heard the same stories dozens of times and this is NOT getting you feeling any better than before.
The newness of having that friend to ruminate with is gone.
You are back to square one.
Now what? Talking about him all day, gets me no where, it is an endless pit.
When we want to to change our current circumstances, the only way out most of the time is to try something different.
The definition of insanity is trying the same thing over and over again looking for a different result.
When will I feel better?
When you try something different than what you have been doing.
Clearly what you are doing is NOT working for you.
He is not going to changing. You are not feeling better. Not really fully better.
Are you willing to change your thinking to get a different result in your life? Are you willing to reintegrate with your body so that your instincts and peace of mind eventually will return?
Yes, the truth hurts, however the short lived pain of the truth does not even come close to the darkness and despair of chasing an illusive dream which does not exist with a Narcissist.
Together and Healing,
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