They All Wear a Mask

They all wear a mask. The mask of kindness. The mask of generosity. The mask of romance. The mask of attraction. The mask of intimacy. The mask of seduction. And so on.

This is what reels us in. The pretense. The acting. The mask. The mask of perfection. And we, in our infinite loving goodness, reflect that mask back to them. The perfect mirrored reflection of beauty and adoration.

And then one day, that mask cracks. You remember the moment.. The moment when you look in their eyes and you KNOW the truth about them. The moment you recognize the pathological lies, the deception, the manipulation, the con. The game is up.

And from that moment on, your relationship with him is forever changed. From that point forward, the cruelty begins. Name-calling. Shouting. Out-of-control rage. Accusations of what you have…and have not done for them. Assaults on your character. Disparaging remarks. Outright slander. Saying horrible things about you to everyone who will listen. The smear campaign begins in full force.

Once the mask slips, you have a full view of who he actually is. Nothing is hidden from you anymore. They are the most hateful person you have ever encountered.

I equate the mask with a coin…beautiful, golden, intricately detailed and engraved on one side, and the cheapest, molten metal, with indistinguishable or hideous features on the other.

I thought my sociopath had a brain tumor. I couldn’t comprehend how someone who had seemingly been so kind, generous, and thoughtful…seemingly a “knight in shining armor”, turned into such a dark knight—instantaneously. Heartless. Cold. Unfeeling. Unsympathetic. Lying. Cheating. Berating. Chillingly frightening. Brrr.

After the mask cracks and you see their naked hatred, they become vengeful. It is as if they become your mortal enemy; even though you still love them and may try to salvage the relationship.

And then they usually become cowardly. If you try to expose them, they will use every amount of charm and conning in their power to figuratively and verbally disarm you. (They are very good at this; they have a lifetime of practice).

They will attempt to dissemble your character piece-by-piece. They will not allow you to confront them with the truth; it is almost as if they become fearful of you and will try to retaliate against you with every piece of personal information they have garnered about you.

Oh yes, and they will project upon you the very things that they are doing (and which you are innocent of). And they will tell unimaginable lies about you… that you are vile, manipulative, conning, vindictive, lying, and of course, crazy. Some of these whoppers are so monstrous that they can even ruin relationships you’ve had with family members and close friends. Everything is your fault, and they are the victim.

It is important to realize that just because you have seen their “true” self, they can still be extremely adept at keeping their mask intact for others. I have seen my sociopath go from screaming at me to laughing and smiling while speaking to someone on the phone… within 30 seconds. But you will most likely never see that initial charm again… unless there is something very specific they want from you.

And generally it is a very short time after you see their true self, no longer a reflection of beauty and adoration, that they will leave you. Or perhaps they already have their victim lined up. Because the sociopath cannot tolerate seeing their imperfections through your eyes. They will begin the romance phase, and once again have adoration from their next target. And the next. Then the one after that.

It is an awakening moment, when the mask slips. You are witnessing humanity at its very worst. (If they can be deemed “human”…I prefer to think of them as aliens).

No matter how attractive you initially thought they were, a sociopath is actually very, very ugly… beneath the mask.

http://theexposer.mindsay.com/all_sociopaths_psychopaths_wear_a_mask.mws

Jun 20 - 1PM
betty2020
betty2020's picture

I don't think i have every

I don't think i have every had a better description from the beginning to the bitter end. Once they know you know the truth you forever become the enemy. They just live their lives in two modes, fantasy or fear. If your in their fantasy you are adored. If you are their fears you become the enemy. Thats all they accept. The world is one big battle ground to them.

only one way to go...Forward (tm?)

Jun 22 - 7PM (Reply to #1)
baddream
baddream's picture

Fear

I think one of their greatest fears is that the mask slips and we find out what they are. They are fearful we will share this information with the world and they will be exposed for the monsters they are. My N knew there was something wrong with him. He would always tell me that he didn't "think like everyone else". In order to protect their perfect images they will destroy our characters and reputations in a pre-emptive strike so that no one would believe it when we try to expose them.
Jun 25 - 6PM (Reply to #2)
Susan32
Susan32's picture

Fear of exposure

My ex-P KNEW he had a problem, from a young age. He said his lack of emotions scared his parents to the point they sent him to the local mental hospital. At the beginning of our "relationship",he saw his own psychopathy as a source of humor. He was also deeply afraid (and told me not to tell anyone else) that he had been sent to an institution as a kid. It was a moment of vulnerability and honesty, as brief as it was. As time went on, I heard of his smear campaign against me--that he'd smear me to his colleagues and his students, and neither group bought it. I'm still amazed I got good grades and fair assessments from my professors despite what my ex-P told them. I don't worry about my ex-P... but his students, well, those are the ones I'd worry about.