Obsessing about the Narcissist

Facebook tracking him, keeps you hooked.

We have all done it so don't beat yourself, however, the truth of the matter is the longer you feed that wolf, the longer you will struggle with your feelings of bruised ego and of course you continuously get retriggered when you see something new and engage in HIS life or his "people's lives" vicariously.

Having said that, it is still a process. We do not fix our shattered illusions, dreams, ego's, overnight. Takes time. Most likely you already had ego issue's to begin with well before the Narc or you would not have been attracted to such a toxic relationship in the first place. Most people do have ego work to do as they make their way through life, it is part of maturing as an adult to get and keep your ego in check and if you already had a fragile or damaged ego from prior life experiences then this is about work that needed to be done anyway, the narc is often a catalyst for your inner work to get addressed on a deeper level. Any type of tragedy or trauma is going to bring out in US any issue's which may be lying dormant.

So bearing this in mind a relationship with a Narc can be life changing for most of us because it causes us to assess our lives and look at ourselves in a way in which we may not have had to do otherwise.

This is why you hear many on here say, when all is said and done, I am glad this happened to me because it caused and allowed me to make changes in my life which may have needed to be made anyway.

I know I can honestly say that this experience has made me a better person all around. I looked at all area's of my life in my healing and recovery process and actually have at long last LEARNED to be my own best friend. I have created and maintained boundaries in my life which were not evident prior to the Narc and I have learned more about who I am and what makes me happy and what type of person I want to be moving forward in my life and where I want to be going.

As opposed to allowing OTHERS to push my buttons and steer my ship. I no longer take things personally and can see the other person's side and issue's much more clearly. I have learned that the behaviors of OTHERS does not need to affect my peace of mind and of course to SAY NO to unacceptable behaviors and unacceptable requests. I am better at allowing OTHERS to take care of themselves without the need or desire to do for them what they can do for themselves. I have lost the need or desire to judge others by thinking, oh I would NEVER do this or that, ect.... The list goes on and on as to what I have learned and how I have become a more tolerant, self actualized person from this experience.

MY POINT. Recovery and healing is a journey about YOU and into YOU. IT is about breaking those co dependent ties and bonds which kept US unhealthy and unhappy.

ONCE you turn the corner and let go of making this all about him and what he thinks or what he is doing and more about YOU and what you think and what you are doing, it is THEN that you will begin to get exciting about recovery and learning to become your own best friend and to stop casting your beautiful pearls upon people who simply DON'T have it to give.

This is NOT an easy fix, there are no shortcuts, you need to go through the stages of grief in order to get to this point. It is going to be painful and seem overwhelming and difficult for awhile and then one day you wake up and all of the hard work DOES PAY OFF and you realize that you do have yourself back.

Be patient with yourself and truthfully, the less you engage in what he is up to and the more you engagae in your present moments and your future, the quicker you will reep the benefits.

Hang in, it get's better, I promise.

God bless,


Jan 2 - 2AM
Callie's picture

Thank you

Sep 25 - 2PM
jenks0718's picture

Facebook is a BIG NO NO

Jul 25 - 9AM
Steel Hibiscus
Steel Hibiscus's picture

Thank you, Goldie

Feb 9 - 9AM
leslieisback's picture

I do not engage in any social

Jan 31 - 7AM
Jaw42's picture

Ughhh im glad im not crazy

Jan 10 - 9AM
Valentine's picture

Guilty !!!

Nov 20 - 9PM
Maisierose's picture

FB checking

Jan 6 - 6PM (Reply to #11)
sarahbear999's picture

Child together......

Aug 21 - 12AM (Reply to #15)
creativeme's picture

Run while you can.

Jan 24 - 9PM (Reply to #14)
slammed's picture

more abusive

Jan 6 - 9PM (Reply to #12)
Maisierose's picture

Child together...

Jan 6 - 9PM (Reply to #13)
Maisierose's picture

Child together...ps

Nov 21 - 1AM (Reply to #8)
talktothehand's picture

FB checking

May 31 - 8AM (Reply to #10)
Allesandra's picture


Mar 10 - 9PM (Reply to #9)
AprilD's picture


Oct 7 - 9AM
Lisa E. Scott
Lisa E. Scott's picture

Excellent point, Goldie!

Oct 7 - 6AM
karmachic's picture


Oct 7 - 6AM (Reply to #5)
talktothehand's picture

That process

Oct 4 - 8PM
STLLady's picture

I so see this as a blessing

Oct 3 - 5PM
mountainpeace's picture

Thanks Goldie I'm in the

Oct 3 - 4AM
florence (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

Great Goldie - thank you!

Oct 3 - 4AM
Used's picture