I'm glad this post resonated with some of you. It's so important not to run from our feelings, but to process them. If we run, hide from them or numb them, they will only come back to haunt us later in life.
The next time you encounter fear, consider yourself lucky. This is where courage comes in. People think brave people feel no fear. The truth is they are intimate with fear.
Fear is a universal experience. It is part of being alive. Something we all share. Fear is a natrual reaction to moving closer to the truth. If we commit ourselves to feeling our emotions and staying right where we are, our experience becomes vivid. Things become very clear when we don't try to escape or run from them. Clarity provides direction.
We must get to know fear and become familiar with fear. Look it right in the eye. In my opinion, it is the only way to undo negative patterns of thinking. If we face something head on, we no longer play mind games with ourselves to avoid it. When we face fear, we will be humbled. There will be little room for the arrogance of holding onto ideals or lying to ourselves as a method of escaping reality.
The kinds of discoveries that are made in painful situations have much to do with having the courage to face fear and accept fear. When we stop and feel are feelings, don't act out, don't repress and don't blame ourselves or others, we encounter our true being. We are more in touch with ourselves than ever before. This is what Buddhists call "Mindfulness."
The trick is to keep exploring and not bail out, even when we learn something we don't want to accept. Nothing is what we thought. Accepting truth puts you on the spot. At times, accepting truth causes us to suffer. However, this is where we have a choice. We must realize we are on the verge of something. We can choose to shut down and feel resentful or we can hone in on the throbbing quality of truth. It's a testing of sorts. A testing of our ability to awaken our hearts.
When things feel like they can't get any worse, we have a choice. We may think the point is to pass the test or overcome the problem, but the truth is that some things can't be solved. They must be accepted. Things come together and fall apart all the time. The healing comes from allowing these things to happen.
One thing I learned in my treatment for OCD is that much obsessing comes from trying to control the unknown. Until we accept the fact that we cannot control the unknown, a constant battle will ensue in our minds. The reason for this is because deep down, we know we cannot control everything. People come and go, relationships end, people die. To fool ourselves into thinking we can control any of this is only adding to our Cognitive Dissonance because we know we can't control it yet we try to pretend we can. Cognitive Dissonance leads to obsessive thoughts. We must accept what we can control and understand the things we can't. The Serenity Prayer is always a good reminder to me here:
God, grant me the
Serenity to accept the things I cannot change
Courage to change the things I can and the
Wisdom to know the difference
We may think something is going to bring us pleasure, but it does not. We may think something is going to bring us misery, but it may not. The truth is, we don't know. We must learn to accept the fact that we don't know what's really going to happen. Allowing ourselves to realize we don't know what is going to happen is the most healing lesson of all. After all, life is a journey. In my opinion, as long as we stay mindful and our honest with ourselves, we have the strength to face what life may bring us.
Thinking that we can find some lasting pleasure and avoid pain entirely is not rational. Buddhists call this point of view "Samsara," and define it as a hopeless cycle that goes round and round endlessly and causes us to suffer. The very first truth of Buddhism is that suffering is inevitable. We can use difficult situations to either wake ourselves up into consciousness or put ourselves to sleep.
Life is about learning. It is about the journey. We must accept that things are always in transition and learn to live in the moment. We must accept uncertainty and learn to live in the unknown. My CBT therapist always told me to learn to live in the "gray." Black and white thinking only causes one to obsess. Life is messy. No one ever said life was easy.
While it may not be easy, we can learn to enjoy the present moment and live life to its fullest by accepting that we are on a journey into the unknown. Live each day as if it were your last and cherish every moment of it. Learn to live with uncertainty for this is the first step on the spiritual path of awakening.
We may be in the dark right now, but from darkness comes light. That which does not kill us only makes us stronger, right? Here are some more powerful quotes:
“Each time we face our fear, we gain strength, courage, and confidence in the doing.â€
~Unknown
“Strength does not come from winning. Your struggles develop your strengths. When you go through hardships and decide not to surrender, that is strength.â€
~Arnold Scwarzenegger
“Our strength grows out of our weaknesses.â€
Ralph Waldo Emerson
“For an impenetrable shield, stand inside yourself.â€
~Ralph Waldo Emerson
"Pain is weakness leaving the body."
~Daniel R. Evans
"Pain is no evil unless it conquers us."
~George Eliot
"There is no coming to consciousness without pain."
~Carl Jung
"Pain and pleasure, like light and darkness, succeed each other."
~Laurence Stern