The key to recovering from a narcissist is to find ourselves again. We must start having some self-compassion for ourselves for a change. We have an abundance of compassion for others, which is why the narcissist targeted us, but we never share any of it with ourselves!
We can be overly giving of ourselves to a fault. The narcissist knows this, which is why he/she chose us in the first place. Narcissists have an insatiable need to have someone cater to their needs at all times. Therefore, they target those they know have an overwhelming amount of empathy. They feed off of this type of person.
In order to recover, it is important that we understand we are "Empaths" or what is also known as a "Highly Sensitive Person." We are NOT "Codependents" NOR are we needy!!!!
I have written about this before. Here's a link to an earlier blog:
We have a gift and we should not share it with anyone who does not deserve it! During an interview for a class project in college, my childhood friend was asked to describe me in one word. Without hesitating, she said "SENSITIVE." Every time I take a personality test, my greatest strength is empathy. I know all of us are here because we have this unique trait in common.
We have an overpowering sense of conscientiousness along with an undeniable urge to help others. The narcissist knows this and preys on us for this reason.
We must accept that we have completely lost ourselves in the narcissist. We did not realize it while it was happening, but trust me, the narcissist planned on this all along. When we lose ourseves, we are more dependent on the narcissist for validation and that's exactly what he/she counted on. They want us to remain stuck. We must deprogram from the narcissist, which is why No Contact is so important.
I know how hard it is to face the truth about a relationship we once thought was everything we ever wanted and more. It is not easy to accept our soul mate is not at all who we thought in any way, shape or form. I divorced a man I was still very much in love with and pleaded with me not to leave him.
However, the only way to true healing is to break free from the emotional abuse of the narcissist, process your pain and find yourself again. You can do this. We can do this. Together, we can help each other find the Path Forward.