Narcissist Recovery Blog

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Do Narcissists choose to be hurtful? How do I stop feeling sorry for the Narcissist?

You may feel sorry for whoever you want to feel sorry for

This is your choice.

If you want to feel sorry for the drug addict who steals all your money and then there is no food for the baby or mortgage money, this is your call.

Drug addiction is considered a sickness.

If you want to feel sorry for Charles Manson who had a mother who was a prostitute and abandoned him as a child and he went on to kill and orchestrate murder, then please do.

Of course PD's are a sickness, a disorder and of course someone does not choose this,

So if you want to feel sorry for someone who lie's, cheats, manipulatates, and uses people, then please do.

This is your choice.

Please Share Eve Ensler's Letter to Todd Akin

More than 30,000 pregnancies are attributable to rape every year. I hope women realize that Mr. Akin's platform is the exact same platform as the Romney/Ryan Ticket and the Grand Old Party itself. There is nothing grand about that. Old, archaic and ignorant, YES, but not grand.

Dear Todd Akin,

I am writing to you tonight about rape. It is 2 AM and I am unable to sleep here in the Democratic Republic of Congo. I am in Bukavu at the City of Joy to serve and support and work with hundreds, thousands of women who have been raped and violated and tortured from this ceaseless war for minerals fought on their bodies.

The scar...

There is a scar on my back in the shape of a butterfly. I never look at it. But if it’s summertime, and depending on what I’m wearing, when I sit down I know others can see the tips of its wings—poised but never taking flight. Stuck. Frozen in time from the moment it was created.

I dread when somebody asks about it. I’ve yet to come up with a truthful explanation. The truth is horrible, ridiculous really...and I don’t want to admit it to anyone. So I gloss it over.

They say butterflies are free, but this one is my captive, my prisoner, a self-inflicted wound that reminds me of my own captivity. A silent testament to my naivete, my weakness, my blindness, my blinding mistake.

All about sex

This is by Guest Blogger Portia:

Yesterday many of us responded to a post from a very confused member, who was worried that she may have misjudged a complete jerk by calling him a N, and she wondered "what if he's not" and she completely excused his vile behavior, and made up excuses to forgive him for all of it because she really liked "being up on that pedastal". This post had it all, Denial, Cognitive Dissonance, Self-blame, Obligatory Sex, thinking a relationship would evolve if sex was provided, unrealistic expectations.

Narcs LOVE to blame and make YOU look bad

Narcs LOVE to blame and make YOU look bad.

IN fact if they have YOU thinking YOU are the crazy one; it's an added bonus to them.

Once the honeymoon faze is over and they can see you "catching" on to them; then it is all about blaming YOU and having OTHERS think you are crazy as well.

Just another day in Narcville.

The details may vary; yet the game and intent is always the same.

Takes the focus off of them and if YOU think it is your fault then my goodness you may just take them back and go a few more rounds.

It's All About Karma on "The Bachelor Pad"

Yes, “The Bachelor Pad” and its series of shows are admittedly a guilty pleasure of mine. I am fascinated by human behavior. I teach Organizational Psychology, write, blog and study human conduct every day.

I watched the “The Bachelor Pad” last night and must say that Erica Rose was downright brilliant in her thoughts and observations. In my opinion, Erica Rose is rose is a rose is a rose!

One thing I’m certain most HR professionals can agree on is that humans are capable of great deception. Nothing surprises me anymore when it comes to human behavior. Every time I think I have seen it all, someone does something so deceitful that I come close to losing my faith in humanity as a whole.

Pain and Pleasure on The Path Forward

Goldie and The Path Forward support group will help get you where you really need to be - dealing with the pain. Now, I realize that being in the "midst of pain" does not sound all that appealing, but that's half the problem with our culture.

We have been so conditioned to avoid pain and seek pleasure when the reality is that life is an undeniable combination of BOTH Pain & Pleasure. The sooner we accept this, the sooner we are on our way to finally healing.

Countless songs and poems have been written about how pain does not exist without pleasure and pleasure does not exist without pain so why are we fooled into thinking we can achieve all or nothing in this regard or any regard for that matter.

Get on The Path Forward Now with Goldie!!!!

Click below to join our weekly support group calls starting July 30th with Goldie on the Path Forward!

Goldie always says:

"Together we can do what we cannot do alone."

I couldn't agree with her more and it sums up the entire reason I created this forum in the first place.

To me, the best form of therapy is knowing I'm not alone. Being able to talk to others who know exactly what I'm going through is huge. No one understands what it is like to love a narcissist unless they have been through it themselves. Talking to others who "get it" and know exactly what I'm going through makes recovery actually possible.

The vampire and the clock...

Time is the coin of your life. It is the only coin you have, and only you can determine how it will be spent. Be careful lest you let other people spend it for you.
--Carl Sandburg

The clock ticks so slowly it’s as if someone poured molasses over it. Time is the dark enemy and it refuses to loosen its grip on your heart. The maddening sound of the silent minutes as they creep by into another day and then dusk and then night make you wonder if you’ll simply go insane.

It’s been a three weeks now. Three weeks that feel like a year. A year of hell in three week’s time that you’ve spent...well, how? Twisted into knots with just one question on your mind: “Will I hear from him again?”

Happy Independence Day!

To all those in the states, Happy Fourth of July! I will always be grateful to the men and women who fight for our freedom and never take it for granted. I hope all who celebrate enjoy a fun, safe and celebratory day today!

To all of us, regardless of where we live, Happy Independence Day!!!!!

The quotes in the link below really remind me how lucky I am to have my independence. I thought I would share with all of you in hopes that you appreciate the same!

Some of my favorites are:

“I am no bird; and no net ensnares me: I am a free human being with an independent will.”
― Charlotte Brontë, Jane Eyre

“I'd rather die my way than live yours.”
― Lauren Oliver, Delirium

Why is NC so difficult even though I know he is no good for me?

This is the nature of grief, loss, and change

We grieve endings whether they were good or bad, it is still going to be a big change for you, as well as a loss. The loss of what "should" have been, never was, the good and the bad. We grieve the death of the hope, fantasy, and illusion of what we wanted it to be.

We fear the unknown and often get comfortable with that which is familar and venturing into the newness and unknown may be challenging on many levels.

Just because a relationship had many hurtful components does not mean that there were not things about being with that person which brought you comfort. As awful as PD's are, in truth it was not all bad or we would not have been with them in the first place.