Narcissist Recovery Blog

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Getting off the Endangered Species List

“It is the darkness that makes the light visible, and not the other way around.”
--Nancy Venable Raine

I don’t like all this “becoming.” Six years of becoming someone I don’t recognize. But of all the things I have “become,” I am at the do-or-die transformation now. Being Pain Queen doesn’t work any more. Pain Queen is on her last leg. And she just can’t take any more pain. So I must become a person who does not desire it. Who doesn’t seek it. Doesn’t turn to it. Doesn’t count on it. Doesn’t accept it as a permanent affliction.

I must become a person who does not love HIM. Who couldn’t possibly love a man who has brought me so much pain. I must stop thinking I love him. It’s just too twisted to “love” the source of my pain...

"Simple Gifts" for Christmas

"'Tis the gift to be simple, 'tis the gift to be free
'Tis the gift to come down where we ought to be,
And when we find ourselves in the place just right,
'Twill be in the valley of love and delight."
~ Joseph Brackett

As I help my mom prepare Christmas Eve dinner, I look to my right and see this verse of a “Shaker Song” framed as my mom often likes to do with her favorite quotes. "Simple Gifts" is a perfect reminder for the season of what is important and what we should cherish.

While many here are in pain at the moment, I want you to know that although the path may be hard at times, you are exactly where you need to be right now. You have seen the light and you are making progress to gain the love and respect in a relationship that you DESERVE.

WHY it is easy for me NOT to think about the Narc or others like him this year.......

In response to Pumpkin's beautiful enlightening post:
http://www.lisaescott.com/forum/2012/12/17/lets-make-season-not-about-him

We just lost 20 children. 20 of our own in this country. I attended a prayer service for all involved at church on Saturday evening.

I got up and spoke about the LOST BOYS in our society and how it is our responsibility to look out for the warning signs if we see young boys in danger of becoming detatched.

What can we do? What can we do to help the MOTHER's who are so obsessed with their whacko husbands and boyfriends that they can no longer see the forest through the tree's.

The Gift of Gratitude

Today we celebrate and give thanks for all we are grateful for here in the states. I want to take this opportunity to thank each of you for being a pillar of strength for one another here on The Path Forward.

The way in which you support one another here is so inspiring. In a modern world full of chaos and conflict, you each restore my faith in the true goodness and humanity of all women and mankind. ;)

Please take today to be grateful for the abundance in your life. Although many here are going through an extremely painful time in life, it is important to always remember our blessings.

Going to chapel and we're going to get married

Marriage... As they say planning for the wedding is the easy part.. It's the challenges of two people who love each other as a couple " FOR BETTER OR WORSE".

And believe you me some days are worse then better..

Marriage is the respect that two people have for one another.. It's all about give and take.. BALANCE..

Now throw in life " life is like a box of chocolates " jobs, family, finances , health.. You get out what you put in...

We are born innocent, a blank slate.. As we grow we face life..( I think that's why vacations are necessary) GOOD VS EVIL..a loving partner is well worth facing life..

One must understand the grim reaper is walking the earth.. The forbidden fruit.. Or we can simply call him "THE NARCISSIST" ( I call him the Dog Whisperer )

The Importance of Perspective in Recovery

I’m following up on the note below, which our fearless Lead Moderator, Goldie, wrote to all of you yesterday because it really reminded me of why we must always PUT THINGS IN PERSPECTIVE when recovering.

"The site has been down for several days due to the devastation which took place in NYC and the surrounding area's due to Hurricane Sandy.Our web designer has been working around the clock to assure that nothing was lost and our site remains safe and secure.Our hearts go out to all who have been affected by this force of nature and we keep them all in our prayers as they recover from tremendous loss and begin the process of rebuilding their lives and homes.

Puts it all into perspective when something like this happens.

Arnold Schwarzenegger is a Narcissist of the Worst Kind!

Have this man no shame?! Has he not done enough damage to Maria Shriver and their children that he must now write a tell-all book to feed his pathetic addiction to attention and publicity?

Talk about a Narc of the worst-kind! Arnold is so desparate to be in the spotlight that he has now written a book telling all the details of how he fathered a child with the family housekeeper!

He recently appeared on 60 Minutes for an interview. How unbelievably mortifying for his family! He is clearly a raging psychopath who puts his insatiable need for attention before that of his own children's humility.

Why We Must 'Get Real, Wake Up and Heal' to Recover from the Narcissist

Loving someone who cannot return your love is agonizing and difficult to accept. However, the knowledge that no matter what you do, this person will never change is quite powerful, in my opinion. Once you understand this fundamental truth and accept it, a whole new world opens up to you. Your newfound knowledge should be liberating.

Obsessing about the Narcissist

Facebook tracking him, keeps you hooked.

We have all done it so don't beat yourself, however, the truth of the matter is the longer you feed that wolf, the longer you will struggle with your feelings of bruised ego and of course you continuously get retriggered when you see something new and engage in HIS life or his "people's lives" vicariously.

Breaking NC by proxy; IS BREAKING NC and Keeping the BUZZ ALIVE.

Breaking NC by proxy; IS BREAKING NC and Keeping the BUZZ ALIVE.

Same as when a Narc hoovers by proxy; no difference.

These unhealthy relationships are NOT just about what the NARCS do, they are about what we continue to do to torture ourselves, keep the buzz alive, and remain in an Unhealthy state of mind and being.

It is common for some to continue to engage in intrique regarding the Narc, to "hang out" with people you had in common or places you had in common, or to stalk his Facebook or other sites he frequents. Driveby's where he may be "hanging out" or where he lives or OW house, ect....

It is still head tripping about the Narc.

The mind plays tricks on us trying to keep our addiction and connection to the Narc alive.

Who Really Benefits From Doubt?

We spend a lot of time in our relationships with a PDI giving them the benefit of the doubt. During the idealization stage we don't even consider doubting that they aren't really enjoying their time with us because during the laughter, the passion, the deep talks and sharing of ideas, smiles light up both our faces.

When they want to spend all their free time with us, we don’t doubt it could be anything but the real thing - a true connection, so perfect in its mirrored beauty.

Grieving and Letting Go

In answer to a member out 4 months (NC) and feeling intense sadness and wanting to die.

You are grieving

Real grieving does not even begin until the cognitive dissonance die's down. This is why it seems to take so long to recover from a PD.

Depending on how long you stay in c/d determines when the real inner work and grieving begins.

A necessary step in letting go and eventually moving on.

We are not taught how or encourged to grieve in this society.

Especially when it is over someone deemed to be unhealthy or bad for us.

Many tell us that we are lucky to be done with them. Find someone better. He was a sicko anyways, ect.

So we often feel almost guilty to grieve. Ashamed for grieving a bad man.