Obsessing about the Narcissist

Facebook tracking him, keeps you hooked.

We have all done it so don't beat yourself, however, the truth of the matter is the longer you feed that wolf, the longer you will struggle with your feelings of bruised ego and of course you continuously get retriggered when you see something new and engage in HIS life or his "people's lives" vicariously.

Having said that, it is still a process. We do not fix our shattered illusions, dreams, ego's, overnight. Takes time. Most likely you already had ego issue's to begin with well before the Narc or you would not have been attracted to such a toxic relationship in the first place. Most people do have ego work to do as they make their way through life, it is part of maturing as an adult to get and keep your ego in check and if you already had a fragile or damaged ego from prior life experiences then this is about work that needed to be done anyway, the narc is often a catalyst for your inner work to get addressed on a deeper level. Any type of tragedy or trauma is going to bring out in US any issue's which may be lying dormant.

So bearing this in mind a relationship with a Narc can be life changing for most of us because it causes us to assess our lives and look at ourselves in a way in which we may not have had to do otherwise.

This is why you hear many on here say, when all is said and done, I am glad this happened to me because it caused and allowed me to make changes in my life which may have needed to be made anyway.

I know I can honestly say that this experience has made me a better person all around. I looked at all area's of my life in my healing and recovery process and actually have at long last LEARNED to be my own best friend. I have created and maintained boundaries in my life which were not evident prior to the Narc and I have learned more about who I am and what makes me happy and what type of person I want to be moving forward in my life and where I want to be going.

As opposed to allowing OTHERS to push my buttons and steer my ship. I no longer take things personally and can see the other person's side and issue's much more clearly. I have learned that the behaviors of OTHERS does not need to affect my peace of mind and of course to SAY NO to unacceptable behaviors and unacceptable requests. I am better at allowing OTHERS to take care of themselves without the need or desire to do for them what they can do for themselves. I have lost the need or desire to judge others by thinking, oh I would NEVER do this or that, ect.... The list goes on and on as to what I have learned and how I have become a more tolerant, self actualized person from this experience.

MY POINT. Recovery and healing is a journey about YOU and into YOU. IT is about breaking those co dependent ties and bonds which kept US unhealthy and unhappy.

ONCE you turn the corner and let go of making this all about him and what he thinks or what he is doing and more about YOU and what you think and what you are doing, it is THEN that you will begin to get exciting about recovery and learning to become your own best friend and to stop casting your beautiful pearls upon people who simply DON'T have it to give.

This is NOT an easy fix, there are no shortcuts, you need to go through the stages of grief in order to get to this point. It is going to be painful and seem overwhelming and difficult for awhile and then one day you wake up and all of the hard work DOES PAY OFF and you realize that you do have yourself back.

Be patient with yourself and truthfully, the less you engage in what he is up to and the more you engagae in your present moments and your future, the quicker you will reep the benefits.

Hang in, it get's better, I promise.

God bless,
Goldie

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http://www.lisaescott.com/blog/goldie

January 2, 2014 - 2:11am
Callie
Callie's picture

Thank you

September 25, 2013 - 2:35pm
jenks0718
jenks0718's picture

Facebook is a BIG NO NO

July 25, 2013 - 9:05am
Steel Hibiscus
Steel Hibiscus's picture

Thank you, Goldie

February 9, 2013 - 9:02am
leslieisback
leslieisback's picture

I do not engage in any social

January 31, 2013 - 7:17am
Jaw42
Jaw42's picture

Ughhh im glad im not crazy

January 10, 2013 - 9:44am
Valentine
Valentine's picture

Guilty !!!

November 20, 2012 - 9:49pm
Maisierose
Maisierose's picture

FB checking

January 6, 2013 - 6:00pm (Reply to #11)
sarahbear999
sarahbear999's picture

Child together......

August 21, 2013 - 12:24am (Reply to #15)
creativeme
creativeme's picture

Run while you can.

January 24, 2013 - 9:01pm (Reply to #14)
slammed
slammed's picture

more abusive

January 6, 2013 - 9:40pm (Reply to #12)
Maisierose
Maisierose's picture

Child together...

January 6, 2013 - 9:45pm (Reply to #13)
Maisierose
Maisierose's picture

Child together...ps

November 21, 2012 - 1:37am (Reply to #8)
talktothehand
talktothehand's picture

FB checking

May 31, 2013 - 8:15am (Reply to #10)
Allesandra
Allesandra's picture

Facebook

March 10, 2013 - 9:22pm (Reply to #9)
AprilD
AprilD's picture

OMG

October 7, 2012 - 9:31am
Lisa E. Scott
Lisa E. Scott's picture

Excellent point, Goldie!

October 7, 2012 - 6:45am
karmachic
karmachic's picture

Facebook

October 7, 2012 - 6:54am (Reply to #5)
talktothehand
talktothehand's picture

That process

October 4, 2012 - 8:14pm
STLLady
STLLady's picture

I so see this as a blessing

October 3, 2012 - 5:13pm
mountainpeace
mountainpeace's picture

Thanks Goldie I'm in the

October 3, 2012 - 4:58am
florence (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

Great Goldie - thank you!

October 3, 2012 - 4:31am
Used
Used's picture

goldie