Do Narcissists choose to be hurtful? How do I stop feeling sorry for the Narcissist?

You may feel sorry for whoever you want to feel sorry for

This is your choice.

If you want to feel sorry for the drug addict who steals all your money and then there is no food for the baby or mortgage money, this is your call.

Drug addiction is considered a sickness.

If you want to feel sorry for Charles Manson who had a mother who was a prostitute and abandoned him as a child and he went on to kill and orchestrate murder, then please do.

Of course PD's are a sickness, a disorder and of course someone does not choose this,

So if you want to feel sorry for someone who lie's, cheats, manipulatates, and uses people, then please do.

This is your choice.

The notion that you are supposed to feel sorry for people who don't have a choice WHILE they are destroying you, to ME is not prudent.

Life is about survival and if someone is jedodizing your survival, your mental and emotional well being, then what difference does it make if it is choice or NOT?

I have seen this line of thinking on here before and frankly, it sounds self destructive to me.

A PD is not a choice and they have no control over it, so no they do not choose to try to destroy you, this is who and what they are and this is what they do, they are parasites, vultures, vampires. They feed off of other's as a mode of survival.

So what, what difference does it make whether is is a choice or not? It is not a choice.

So showing them pity represents weakness to them and just another chance to screw you somemore.

I think the issue here lie's more with your thinking then theirs.

You are basically saying if they don't choose it, then there should be pity or some type of feeling sorry for them.


They do not feel sorry for their victims, why should you?

Pedophillia is not a choice, shall we feel sorry for them while we are at it.

Think about what you are saying.

God bless,


I also do not understand why some even think this is a choice, it is a disorder which CAUSES the person to try to destoy.

Like Barnabas Collins in Dark Shadows, he is a vampire, did he choose to be a vampire? NO, NOW he destroys people,

So, OK, now we should pity him and ALLOW him to destroy us because he did not choose this life. OK.


Do racists choose to be racists? NO, in most cases, they were brought up that way OR they are FLAWED in some way if they were not brought up that way.

Shall we also pity them, and ALLOW them to mistreat others?

Think about it, choice is NOT the POINT here, RESULTS are the point, cause and effect.

You put your hand near the HOT STOVE and it is going to get burned. ARE YOU going to keep putting your hand there?

And IF you do, IT IS NOW on YOU.

NOT THE STOVE which was simply minding it's own business being a stove.

A PD is simply being a PD.

This in my opinion is WHY many on here struggle for so long to get it and heal, because you still think this is a choice and as long as you believe this fallacy, you still think they can change if they want to and you still think that their behaviors had something to do with you and as long as you stay stuck in these misconceptions, you will struggle to let go and move on.

UNDERSTANDING IT is understanding that this is who and what they are and NO they did not choose this, it is just the way it is.


IT HAS NOTHING to do with you aside from the fact that you still don't get it.

ONCE YOU get that they were this way long before you came along; they will be this way long after you are gone, and you did not create or cause this, it is their PERSONALITY, INGRAINED IN WHO THEY ARE.

ONCE this light bulb goes off, YOU are half way there to a full and complete recovery.

The second half of healing is to recover from the damage and get on with your own life with no notion that they will be in your life anymore.

THE TRUTH will set YOU FREE!!!


October 14, 2013 - 5:56pm
MyTurnToBe Free
MyTurnToBe Free's picture

I did feel sorry for him, but no longer

July 30, 2013 - 2:30pm
Trixy's picture

Stove - oh I just love this

February 19, 2013 - 9:44pm
Sickofhim's picture

I do get that his behavior is

October 3, 2012 - 2:30am
Kitty02 (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

I have thought about why I

October 2, 2012 - 6:06pm
Happy Mommy 0323
Happy Mommy 0323's picture


September 16, 2012 - 7:19am
MeeMee72's picture

right on

September 9, 2012 - 6:03pm
Walkingonsunshine's picture

In general I don't feel sorry

September 9, 2012 - 12:49pm
Bruisednotbroken's picture

So true!

September 8, 2012 - 11:59am
Nancyw (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

Poor Thing

September 8, 2012 - 10:40am
femnarc's picture

incredibly powerful!

September 7, 2012 - 6:34am
Crazy Train
Crazy Train's picture

GREAT post!

September 6, 2012 - 4:18pm
Ophelia's picture

"The notion that you are

September 6, 2012 - 8:35am
wildfilly68's picture

I am FINALLY getting it! Thank you ladies ; )

September 5, 2012 - 7:58am
spinning's picture

Goldie, this is awesome


September 5, 2012 - 7:22am
Grymel's picture

Thank you Goldie,