Easter is one of my favorite holidays. It is a renewal time; a rebirth. A time to RISE AGAIN.
We all have an opportunity here to move forward on the PATH FORWARD and although it is a long winding road at times. Together we can do what we cannot do alone.
When I came here almost 2 years ago. I was defeated, depressed, and actually questioning myself as to how I was going to make it out of this mess I was in and if I even had the strength to do it this time.
I googled something along the lines of: "selfish lying sack of shit" and this site popped up. I had already known about N, N/P, PD's etc.. yet somehow I was not applying that to me until I was at my wits end and began to google his symptoms and of course, dozens of site's came up. I read and read and learned more than I ever wanted to know about PD's and yet I could not find anything which offered support and a place to vent and share my feelings of hurt, confusion, and deep despair.
Until the day I found this site. I shared my story relatively soon in my recovery, I needed to write and GET IT OUT. Several old-timers immediately responded and one of them in particular keep encouraging me and offering her wisdom and support.
I asked Lisa for her email and in my first email to her, I asked her if we could talk on the phone. She said of course, Goldie, I would love to talk with you.
We began to talk and we talked every night for months. Often she would wait until I was ready to go to sleep before she would end the conversation because she was concerned about me and wanted me to be o.k. We began to form a friendship and talked about everything. We encouraged and supported each other in every way.
I don't know if I would have come so far so fast had it not been for this angel sent to me from God; I have no doubt that she was sent to me to save me and help me to process these horrible feelings which kept pouring out of me for what seemed like weeks. I kept asking her: Is this EVER going to end? I have never felt so badly about myself, my life, and another person.
She would gently say: My Dear Goldie, this will end, I promise you and I know, because I too was where you are and I have made it back and over to the other side.
On Easter Sunday, I hope for those of you still struggling and feeling perhaps hopeless at times, to know that yes, it does get better and yes with the support of the group, the other loving people you have in your lives, and your higher power, you too will one day feel better.
God is watching over all of us and does not want to see his loving empathetic, nurturing, caring, women taken down by this and feeling despair over the actions of people who for whatever reason are here to hurt and inflict pain and are not here to embrace, love, and honor us, which is something that we all need and deserve.
I hope for us today to reflect on who weTRULY are, completely aside from the picture which the PD's painted of us.
Reflect on our children, friends, family, our inner selves, and the members here who are here to hold each other's hands and our hearts when we have grown weary of being able to do it for ourselves.
Lisa, all the mods, and the members are here to offer you strength, empowerment, love, and support to get back what was so savagely taken and to be restored back to yourself and in many cases an even better more self actualized self than ever before.
This process of recovery from a PD takes us to places in ourselves that may have been left and neglected a long time ago.
Women give so much of themselves to others that sometimes when someone comes along claiming to love you in a way you never dreamt possible or felt before, it is easy to want to believe and keep on believing even long after there are any signs of hope left. We often lose ourselves in our giving to our children, families, and others and become tired and become weakened to see what is actually going on in our relationships with these PD's.
The recovery process is about letting go of the narc and is also very much about reclaiming ourselves. Becoming our own best friends and protectors.
May this Spring and Easter Season be abundant with self love, self nurturing, care, and protection and a restoration back home to peace and a connectedness to ourselves and our own lives; free from the bondage of the PD.
May hope, light, and self love be restored in all of us.
God bless and a Happy Easter to all of you,