A Time of Self Forgiveness and Setting NEW Bounderies for the NEW YEAR, 2012!
We do not have to do anything we don't feel comfortable with in order to try to KEEP or SECURE a man or woman. Once you cross over that line, you don't really have them anyway; they have you."
The New Year is fast approaching and is a great time to let go of unhealthy behaviors.
The New Year Resolution; 2012.
PD's often live a in a seedy, sick, twisted world of deception and darkness. It is not uncommon for the mate of a PD to find themselves sinking into behaviors to try and keep the PD happy, satisfied, and coming back. Some may begin to drink with the PD, perhaps try drugs with the PD, engage in sexual activities which do not feel comfortable or acceptable to the mate, eat foods that are unhealthy out of frustration or because those are what the PD likes to eat, begin smoking due to the stress of life with the PD.
There are many ways that we have given in to the PD in order to keep the peace and to please them.
Part of recovery is to get back on track with who YOU truly are and to begin to discover yourself again, if you have found that YOU were lost in the PD.
The Year 2012 can be a clean slate. It can be a time of rebirth and renewal from the unhealthy behaviors engaged in with the PD or as a result from the damage from the PD.
The first course of action is to forgive yourself. You were only looking for love in a place where there was no love to be found. This does not make you a bad person, a stupid person, or a crazy person. It simply means that you made an error in judgement and this was not your fault; you were sucked in and brainwashed by a sick, disordered pro.
"I forgive myself for choosing a mate unsuitable for me and I will keep my eyes wide open, watch for the red flags, and immediately disengage when I see that I am repeating unhealthy patterns."
The next action is to write a list of all the activities and behaviors to which you sunk in order to keep the peace and please your PD. There is no need for any guilt, shame, or remorse to stay inside of you because you were manipulated into believing that you had to do these things in order to avoid abandonment. Then, let go of these things, give them to God or whatever you believe in, close your eyes, and say the words:
"I forgive myself and I release these acts and behaviors to you."
"I am letting go of the deep dark levels to which I went and moving forward, I will protect myself with healthy bounderies and say no to activities and behaviors which no longer serve me and do not allow me to feel good about myself."
Roll the paper up, put it in the fireplace, burn it, and let them go.
Now, write a list of resolutions for the New Year.
"I resolve to remain NC and keep healthy bounderies for myself."
"I resolve to eat more healthy nutritious foods to nurture myself."
"I resolve to set healthy bounderies for myself with my family and friends."
"I resolve to reach out more to create a support network to assist me in my recovery."
"I resolve to say NO to engaging in unhealthy behaviors just to have the company and attention of a man/w; I deserve better than this and choose not to hurt myself anymore."
"I resolve to love myself more and learn to say NO to having sexual relations with men/w who disrespect me."
The above are samples; make up the one's which feel most natural and comfortable for you.
This is most effective when you print them out and read them several times a day, everyday, until they become a part of what you believe. Put them in your pocketbook, car, bedroom, and when you have a couple of minutes, take them out and read them again. This is the beginning of changing our thoughts about who we are, what we want, and what we believe about ourselves and where we are going in 2012. What we think, say, and believe, creates our future. It is deprogramming the old tapes and reprogramming with the NEW.
Happy New Year my Sisters and Brothers in recovery; Here's to a New Year with SELF FORGIVENESS and learning to set HEALTHY BOUNDERIES FOR OURSELVES!!!