Beware of the: NARC ATTACK; A Narcissists Revenge ~Goldie

You are in early recovery or new recovery after a slip. You have made it through the hardest part, or so you thought. He or She is now out of your life and you are ready to go NO CONTACT for the first time or again. In new recovery for most of us, one part of the day we are empowered and feeling like we are getting ourselves back and the other part is pure torture.

The knowing in one part of your brain that it is a no win situation and then of course the emotional part kicks in and the bittersweet sadness, longing, and physical withdrawal. Cognitive dissonance. These relationships are like an addict with their drug and most describe the withdrawal as a physical aching and pain.

This is when it gets most difficult to remain NC. Some of them hoover nonstop and other's are more sophisticated with their attempts to lure you back. Mine often said that he would purposefully wait awhile until I was good and screwed up missing him and then pounce like a vulture to lure me back in. They are mirroring us for weeks; even months in the beginning and as they often like to boast, they sometimes know us better than we know ourselves in this particular area.

My X for a solid year hoovered me day and night if I broke up with him. Then we were apart for several months; as he was in jail for stealing, physical, and property damage abuse. When he got out of course he saw the light and all was going to be different. This lastest for a week or so. He stopped the overt abuse for fear of returning to jail, however, all the rest of it remained the same. He did pay me back some of the money he stole and then was off and running with the drugs, wasting money ect...

The second time he kicked it up a notch and created new behaviors to keep me on the hook. He could see that I was weary of the relationship and not falling for the hoovering, so he began to disappear for entire weekends and this was the "new hook." Now I was thinking that he is cheating on me and I began to act like I gave a shit again. Which is exactly where he wanted me and as I said, he came right out and said he was doing it on purpose because that whole hoovering thing no longer worked.

My point: They will do whatever it takes to push your buttons during this withdrawal phase which you are going through. If hoovering works then there you go. If completely ignoring you works and allowing you to get worked up into a complete frenzy, then he will play that card. If implying that he has new supply and will drop them, if you take him back, then that will be the card played. They up the ante and are amazingly clever at this game.

This is when it gets tricky and will determine whether or not we remain NC or get sucked back in. Keep in mind that during this phase (you trying to end it and him trying to play you to lure you back) he will remember EVERYTHING that you have ever said which pertains to your weaknesses. EVERYTHING. Things you most likely have even forgotten you ever said, and WHAM when you least expect, he will hit you off guard, hit you from behind, and you will not even see it coming.

I have seen them fake injuries, actually hurt themselves on purpose to garner sympathy, have alleged deaths in the family, false illness, facing jail allegedly, sick family members, parading a NM in your face, having others contact you mysteriously, it goes on and on and of course many of these pretend emergencies require MONEY or a jump in the hay. They know if they can get in your presence; the chemicals will get released in you; you will fall for these crazy lies and stories, and the games begin all over again.

This comes to mind particularly in the case where you are the cash cow or great sexual supply because their money runs out or they are having trouble securing new sexual supply or they need a quick fix of whatever it is that you bring to the table for them. Hmmm, how is he going to play this so he can have his cake and eat it too? He will acheive this by catching you off guard while you are still in the withdrawal stage. He may even wait longer than usual so that you will be a mess when you finally do hear from him and you may want to cry, YES YES YES, of course I want to see you, you little shit. I have missed you so much and he will profess the same, blah blah blah and let the "fun times" begin all over again.

I say this as you go through withdrawal and how long that lasts varies, you need to keep your guard up for the "unexpected" hoover as it comes in all shapes, forms, and packages. Whatever they think will best push YOUR particular buttons. I know we are intelligent men and women, however, this has nothing to do with intelligence, they are good at this, sucking you back in is their playing field. I have been narced a few times and failed to see it coming. I am happy to say, after months learning about these disorders, that I am getting good now at spotting the "narc attack" before it happens and even laughing out loud at his feeble attempts to suck me back in and he still tries often.

There will be some great feelings of empowerment and some low unbearable painful moments in new recovery, just remember to beware of the "Narc Attack."

You are in my thoughts and prayers as you make it through the withdrawal of early recovery or new recovery after a slip, and if you cave and I hope you don't. Do not worry, it happens to the best of us; we will still love you and be here for you.

God bless,
Goldie

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