I believe the problem lies in the fact that most women and (men) in codependent relationships with PD addicts have no real clue that they are being manipulated on a daily basis by a pro. How do you suppose they maintain their addictions AND manage to have a beautiful girl who turns a deaf ear and turns away with her eyes and instincts to what is actually going on???
It happens because they are the great cons, liars, and pro's at sucking you in with fluff and slowly undermining you at the same time. By the time they get done with you, you are actually willing to admit that much of this is your fault as you state in replying that you contributed to this insanity. NO NO NO, you did not contribute to it aside from staying with him and putting up with it. You were not contributing to it; you were REACTING to it.
When you are with a crazy person, it is perfectly natural to respond with tears, anger, confusion, ect.. and then once you start acting like that: BINGO, you become the crazy one who is just impossible to deal with, suddenly they tell you everything is your fault. We call it projection. He mirrors back to you what HE is doing and now calls it YOUR disorder.
Slick aren't they? You were brainwashed. This is how the game is played. I have been around addicts through various jobs for years and they all work the same. POOR ME, POOR ME!! I need YOU to help me. YOU are the ONLY one who understands me. PLEASE PLEASE put up with more of my shit or I don't know what I am going to do.
His words are pure manipulation and garbage. He see's the light and he knows how disordered he is??? Ya right, not on your life. These are his lies to suck you back in. He does not see jack shit. What he see's in you is an easy mark and easy target who will buy into his crap and actually take it on as her own and feel bad and go back to the Master for some more "training" on how to be a good little girl and once again, PUT UP with more of his CRAP.
This is NOT going to change; he is not going to wake up one day and "see the light" and start "praying to God" He says these things simply to manipulate you, keep you down, make you think he has changed, make you think you are helping him.
No one "helps" an addict get or stay sober; it's an inside job. They can go to thousands of meetings and if they want to use, they will use and whether or not he is "sober" now his behaviors have NOT changed, he is still the great manipulator of women. They prey on women because we are in love with them and we want to believe, even though we can see with our own eyes that their actions do not match their words.
Also the majority of them are just as sick when they put down the substance so it's no great thing that he got "sober" which using suboxone isn't really sober anyway. It is synthetic opiates.
I have seen many many men with 20 years of sobriety continue to lie, cheat, and use woman as objects for their supply.
He has beaten you down and now you actually believe his lies. The solution is for you to begin to deprogram and start to see him for what he really is, not the pretend charactor he portrayed himself as in the beginning. He is a piece of shit for what he did to you and as long as you continue to blame his addiction for it you are not going to be able to see the truth.
The addiction is but a symptom of underlying causes and those are that he is a selfish, crazy, manipulative conman.