As you and I both know, this relationship is no longer filling either one of our needs. The time has come to part company on all levels. This includes having you in my mind, body, and soul.
I can no longer fill your need for me to cater to your every whim, put my life on a back burner for yours, listen to your insults, lies, manipulations, mind games, cons, engage in your sexual perversions, remain in financial ruin, and sell my soul to the devil.
You no longer fill my need to mother a little boy, try to control the actions of an irresponsible wreckless self centered soul snatching coward, clean up your messes.
I no longer want to feel embarrassed in the community because of my association with you, feel less than, feel unworthy of real love, marriage, and decency, jealousy of the OW, afraid, angry, depressed, not good enough, like my thoughts are no longer my own, not a real part of your life, not young enough, not pretty enough, not as good as other woman who have great husbands and bf's, worried about finances and the home repairs, like I am both the man and woman of this home, afraid of the truth, afraid of never loving again, I am not worthy of a good life, like I want to die because you are so hateful to me, not worthy of a birthday or Christmas present, not worthy of being comfortable in my own home when you are here.
When we first met I had high hopes and have spent the past 2 years trying to understand what went wrong. I brought my own insecurities into the relationship and tried so hard to please you and make things right. No matter what I did it was to no avail. I now know that nothing would have been good enough for you and that I was wasting my time.
I had trouble letting go of the illusion of you and the false personna. I can now see you for who and what you truly are and it no longer appeals to me. I spent months crying, pleading with God, willing to do most anything to obtain your love. The love of my Daddy who was just as incapable of loving me as you are. I put all my love into you hoping that somehow I could fill that vast hole inside of me left from years of an abusive father. You reminded me of him in many ways and this had the exact same outcome as it did with my dad. When all was said and done there was still nothing there for me.
There were many time when I thought that I would not make it, that the pain was too great, that I would always feel like I wanted to die because you could not love me. I was just about willing to do most anything to gain your approval.
I came on this site and did the work and observed you with new eyes this last time and I have come too far now.
I am sorry for my part in all of this, I had no idea at the time that I was playing out all of my old tapes with you as well and that this was all part of the master plan to get me well and over my childhood trauma.
I am letting you go back into the universe and I wish you well. The lesson has been learned and for that I am grateful.
P.s. I am also letting my dad go and my need for his approval. I have been searching for this all of my life.
Dad, I am letting you go back into the universe and I wish you well. The lesson has been learned and for that I am grateful.