Ok, I can’t help myself. I indulge in reality television on Monday nights. It’s one of my guilty pleasures.
“Dancing with the Stars” because it’s a real competition and “The Bachelorette” because, well…..I am fascinated by human behavior.
Perhaps this is why I love teaching Organizational Behavior at Loyola University. Believe it or not, the instructor materials which accompany the textbook I’ve been assigned include powerpoint slides on the topic of Cognitive Dissonance.
Last week was my first class and I was so excited to educate the students on what Cognitive Dissonance means and why it causes us so much emotional distress.
I am passionate about helping others understand how the emotional abuse that occurs in a relationship with a Narcissist leads to Cognitive Dissonance. This can happen in any type of relationship – personal, work or family.
Perhaps more important to understand is how Cognitive Dissonance leads to intrusive, obsessive-compulsive thoughts that prevent us from being able to concentrate, eat, sleep, think straight or function. It is one of the most important topics in helping victims "Understand It" in order to recover.
Taken a step further, Cognitive Dissonance also explains how important it is for us to deprogram after being in a relationship with a Narcissist. Narcissists are brilliant manipulators and master con-artists. They can charm the pants off anyone. Their ability to manipulate is downright scary. I was reminded of the strength of their persuasion skills tonight while watching the “The Bachelorette” on ABC.
I missed last week’s opener, but was able to catch-up tonight to watch returning bachelorette, Ashley Hebert meet the men. Ashley is smart, intelligent, driven, beautiful and very classy. She has it together, without a doubt, and has been presented with 25 seemingly wonderful eligible bachelors to choose from in her quest for love.
The choices she has made in the last two weeks, however, have disappointed but not surprised me. At the expense of men who seem to have more sincere intentions, Ashley has kept two men that are, in my opinion, unabashed, unapologetic and “in your face” Narcissists. The red flags on these two men are flying high, but their ability to charm her has made her completely blind to it all.
You know how some people say “love is blind”? Is that really true, or should it really be “lust is blind”?
Recent research has me thinking about this one quite a bit lately. According to current studies, there is an “Unholy Triad” of traits that when possessed by a man will ensure he “gets laid” more than the next guy. No joke.
Are you ready to hear what these three traits are?
Nope, not quite…..remember it's called the "Unholy" Triad.
Are you ready for this?
Try this instead…
The Unholy Triad of traits which ensures a man will have more sexual partners than his peers…..
NARCISSISM (you got it)
MACHIAVELLIANISM (which was another powerpoint slide in my instructor materials to explain the corruption in corporate america)
Yep, sad but true. Scary stuff, huh? I plan to research this and write more about it in my next book with my friend Mia Dawn McKenzie, but I’d like to start talking about this now. We need input everyone!
Seriously ladies, we must STOP FALLING FOR THE BAD BOY!
Obviously, I am guilty of this myself, but let’s figure out why we do this and put an end to it.
Apparently, we have a long way to go in building awareness. I mean, look at our Bachelorette, Ashley. This woman has it all together. Yet, two of the men remaining include one whom she was warned about before meeting (Bentley) and the other who wears a mask (Mask Man)!
Yes, you heard me correctly. One of the men she has kept, after two (yes two) elimination ceremonies, is a man who wears a masquerade ball type mask (think Eyes Wide Shut) over his eyes all day and all night. I don’t even remember his name…..just the mask so we can call him Mask Man for purposes of our discussion.
What is it that makes us drawn to this type of man….the bad boy, the alpha male, the rogue, the James Dean, the mystery of a man?!!!
It is an age-old question women have been asking themselves for years! In my next book, Mia and I are determined to get to the bottom of it all. We would love to hear your thoughts as women who have been through it firsthand. Please contribute your opinions as we work to make sense of this crazy phenomenon and try to stop falling for the bad boy!