Why we Obsess about the Narcissist

People who have never experienced obsessive thoughts before suddenly find themselves obsessing about the narcissist, and don't understand why or where it is coming from. I can tell you. It is the result of Cognitive Dissonance, which is the difficulty of trying to hold two opposing thoughts or beliefs at the same time.

Cognitive Dissonance leads to obsessive thought because we are trying to make sense of a situation that makes no sense. How can I love something that I also hate? How can I be crazy in love with this person, but despise him at the same time? We remember the wonderful times, the good times and the person we thought we fell in love with and we miss him. We wonder what happened to him. Where did he go? Why did he disappear? What did I do wrong?

While we’re remembering this person who no longer seems to exist, we are grappling with a new person we no longer recognize, and we don’t know how to feel about him. How can he be good and bad? How can I love him and hate him? Trying to resolve this in our minds is very confusing and leads to Cognitive Dissonance, which causes obsessive, intrusive thoughts that impede our ability to concentrate, work, sleep, eat or function.

We must remember that we did NOTHING wrong nor is there anything that can be done to bring this person back to us. The person we fell in love with is not who we thought he was at all. He never existed. We fell in love with an illusion. Narcissists are shallow, hollow and empty.

Realizing this person is NOT who you thought he was and NOT someone you want to be with is critical. Once you realize separation from the Narcissist is a GOOD THING, you are on the path to true recovery.

Many people ask why they keep obsessing about the Narcissist even after they realize all of this.

“Understanding It” is only the first step on The Path Forward. The importance of processing our feelings and sharing our story with others who “get it” is necessary before one can truly move on for good. Until this happens, we will remain stuck. I created this messageboard to help you understand why you're obsessing and to help you stop obsessing.

People tell us to just move on and expect us to get over it, but we can't until we fully process how we feel about it, share our story with others who can relate, and organize our thoughts in such a way that we feel we have made sense of the situation.

You may ask: “How do you make sense of a senseless situation?”

Well, this is certainly not easy, but I believe sorting out our feelings and organizing our thoughts in a way that helps us feel we have given the experience some kind of form and structure helps tremendously.

We have a need to organize the trauma and chaos we experience in life. It makes us feel better to express ourselves in a way that allows us to feel as though we can finally put the whole crazy mess to rest in our heads. Until we do this, we will always obsess about it.

Each of us must find an outlet to give creative expression and form to what we experienced. For me, this outlet has been my first book, "It’s All About Him" and my music CD, "Gotta Get It Out."

The key is to find an outlet in which we can express our feelings and share our story. For some, this may include talking to family members or friends, sharing on our on-line forum, journaling or creating art or music. Whatever it is, it is critical that you find an outlet to express yourself in a way that helps you release your emotions and put things in perspective. We Gotta Get It Out! In my opinion, it is the only way to put things to rest in your mind.

A Narcissist will never give us closure, but we can help ourselves get closure by making sure we process our feelings.

Why is this step so critical?

Research tells us the main reason for the stress of psychological trauma is that our memories of these horrible events are fragmented. Psychologically traumatic events are ones that have no good explanation. You have painful facts that make no sense, right?

Our natural tendency is to avoid thinking about painful memories or events. We suppress them and hope they will go away. But, they don't. If you don’t process them, deal with them and get them out, they will never go away. This is because the mind is most settled when there is coherence to our thoughts.

The only way to resolve conflicting thoughts is by remembering them, processing them and making sense of them. One way of doing this is by sharing our story with others. Sharing our story with people who understand is extremely healing and cathartic. It validates our experience and reassures us that we are not alone in our struggle.

Telling your story allows you to link together your emotional memories, which makes the traumatic events more coherent. It makes memories of these events less likely to be repeatedly called to mind so they can be laid to rest. This stage is imperative before you can move on. Unresolved emotional trauma floods our bodies with hormones, which leave our immune systems weak and vulnerable to attack.

Some of you have asked recently if you rely on this forum too much. Relying on this forum is much better than the alternative. Going back to your narcissist or resorting to other methods of numbing your pain is not a viable option to healthy recovery. I created this board specifically for this reason!

One of the main reasons we obsess is because we don't want to feel our feelings!

When you are stuck in an obsessive-compulsive cycle of thought, you are trying to avoid having to feel. By distracting yourself with mind rituals, you can easily forget all about the emotions trying to surface inside you.

Think about it, if you are engaged in obsessive thought and consumed with your mind, who has time to feel? Identifying with your mind allows you to avoid having to feel.

If you find yourself obsessing, I challenge you to ask yourself this question:

"What feeling am I trying to avoid right now?"

I guarantee you will find that there is a very strong emotion you are avoiding. We have to stop being afraid to feel our feelings. We must learn not to elude our feelings with methods of distraction.

Processing our emotions and allowing ourselves to feel our emotions is critical before we can move on.

I created this messageboard for you to process your feelings in a safe environment. Together, we can help each other process the painful feelings we need to confront in order to move on.

We enage in obsessive thinking so we can avoid confronting the painful reality of our situation. We use the recurring thoughts to distract ourselves from what we really need to confront and process – our feelings!

Coming to this forum and sharing your thoughts is an active part of your recovery!

You are being brave and should be proud of your willingness to confront your situation and deal with the feelings you are experiencing. Too often, people choose to run from their feelings. Running away is like preferring death to life. We may be in the dark right now, but from darkness comes light. If we commit ourselves to feeling our emotions and staying right where we are, our experience becomes vivid. Things become very clear when we don't try to escape or run from them.

The fact that you are here shows that you honor your feelings and respect yourself to do the hard work it takes to get through this painful experience in your life. We must confront our pain. Look it right in the eye. In my opinion, it is the only way to undo negative patterns of thinking. If we face something head on, we no longer play mind games with ourselves to avoid it.

When we face pain and fear, we will be humbled. There will be little room for the arrogance of holding onto ideals or lying to ourselves as a method of escaping reality. The kinds of discoveries that are made in painful situations have much to do with having the courage to feel. When we stop and feel our feelings, we encounter our true being. We are more in touch with ourselves than ever before. This is what Buddhists call Mindfulness.

Clarity provides direction. We must never fear the reality of our situation, no matter how overwhelming it may seem. Everything in life teaches us something. Being here is proof that you are willing to learn from your experience instead of choosing to run from it. Struggle toughens the human spirit and strengthens our character. It gives us purpose and direction. Following the path of least resistance in life is a cop-out. It is struggle and pain that leads to transformation.

“Ruin is a gift. Ruin is the road to transformation.”
~ Elizabeth Gilbert

May 3 - 2PM


Oct 15 - 11AM
MyTurnToBe Free
MyTurnToBe Free's picture

Thank you!

Oct 15 - 6PM (Reply to #33)
Lisa E. Scott
Lisa E. Scott's picture

Not a crutch, but a support system

Jun 21 - 2PM
spt's picture

I'm not running anymore.

Mar 30 - 6PM
Nosaint28's picture

WOW - it all finally makes sense

Jun 29 - 3PM
florence (not verified)
Anonymous's picture


Feb 8 - 7AM
kevsmart's picture

Beautifully stated!

I often wonder how kind, caring, and loving individuals like ourselves can become such victims that it makes us even question our own goodness.
Oct 24 - 9AM
DLP75's picture

This works

After reading this I finally did ask myself "What feeling am I trying to avoid right now?", and when I did, the feeling of inadequency came to mind in a flash. Because she rejected me after 9 years, I thought rejection was foremost, but because she "contolled" me for so long, without her in my life I feel inadequate. I know I'm not, because I know God makes each one of us special and unique, but the feeling is there because of her dominance. She always told me, "You're a tough nut to crack", and now I know that she really was trying to get me to lose myself and become what she wanted me to be. Even though she hurt me worse than I've ever been hurt before, I really do have pity for this woman.
Oct 24 - 1PM (Reply to #27)
repressed memory
repressed memory's picture

Love yourself

Now that you have been able to identify the feeling that you were repressing, it's time to start feeling good about yourself. She just wanted to completely control you, mold you into what she wanted (a slave), and make you feel like your nothing especially without her because she knows perhaps all your qualities might just be the opposite and that's why you were "a tough nut to crack!"
Sep 6 - 9PM
aleisch's picture

So true

I can certainly empathize with the cognitive dissonance. I used to go through this. I had spent so many years repressing painful memories that it finally got to the point where I wanted to end it all because I thought everything was my fault. I obsessed about what he did, found "proof" when I knew that it was already true, was possessed to the point of insanity. Self-denial is perhaps the greatest indication that you are subconsciously hiding yourself from the painful truth. It must have been an innate sense of survival when I picked up the phone and talked to someone. Therapy has enabled me to open up about my feelings. When I began reading self-help books, I had a breakthrough into understanding that it was not my fault. From there, it evolved into trying to comprehend the "how" and "why". I have cycles where repressed memories come crashing in all at once. Although I go through a lot of sleepless nights and emotional turmoil, crying releases the pain I had been trying to subdue. It is cathartic when I journal the memories and mentally process each one. It has been healing when I talk about them during my therapy sessions. I always feel so much lighter at the end of those sessions. I have gained the strength to establish firm personal boundaries. He no longer has any power over me. Personally, I do not expect any closure from him. I am contented with that. I "grew" while he hasn't. Learning to experience my feelings have led to a fuller and more enriched life.
Jul 10 - 8PM
findmyself's picture


Hi, I am brand new here, but my big problem is after 6 months NC, I still think about him & want to know who he is living with. Why do I even care???? It comes up at times when it is something we use to do together, walking at night after dinner or something similar. He was a lair, manipulative and constantlytalking & texting his ex wife ( even during our thanksgiving dinner.) I ended it Dec 6 and after multiple trips to local police ( not very helpful I might add) I was being stalked by him, he would leave me packages, let the air out of my tires while I was at work. He has let up some, but sent me a bday card last month, no return address. I assume he moved back in w/ his ex wife, he told everyone he had to leave his apt as too many bad memories of ME. He lied from the start, it was all a manipulative charade, so why does he even still cross my mind & how do I get him off my mind forever?? I'm sure he's not thinking about me. THX.
Jul 10 - 11AM
peacelily76's picture

The feelings...

This is a great post and I will now start asking myself the question, "What feeling am I trying to avoid?" as soon as yet another ridiculous thought pattern crops up. I know what I'm avoiding. I'm avoiding crying, then crying again and then crying some more. I'm avoiding the feeling that I would quite happily take a baseball bat to the back of my ex N's head in retribution for the damage he has done to me and the lies he has told or truths he has covered up. This is a man who has a job as a primary school teacher, whose first marriage broke down, I am told, because he had an internet porn addiction and had a large collection of photographs of VERY young women in positions of high vulnerability. This is a man who was obsessed with the concept of corrupted innocence. I'm bloody angry!!! I'm bloody frightened for his new partner who knows nothing about any of this and her daughter who is about to hit puberty! I am sick of this worry. I can't afford to go see a counsellor although lord knows I need it. I know the reason I avoid these feelings. Because if I started crying and showing weakness it would be like he was having the last laugh. When I was with him, he goaded me until I would scream or cry or shout with anger. He literally pushed every one of my buttons. If I cry I worry that I'll collapse in a heap when I have a job to hold down, rent to pay etc. However, he is miles away now so I should cry, I should go to the top of a hill and rant and scream a bit, smash a few plates, whatever. I will try. Has anyone else had a moral dilemma like this? Where you could almost predict what might happen next and there is NOTHING you can do?? xx
May 29 - 12PM
eliza54's picture

What about after 33 years

Hi Lisa, when I originally joined I would like to clarify I thought I was in the marriage almost 35 years. it was almost 33. Seemed longer :-) I recently contacted a old beau, who was a very king gentle person. Cuddly nice everything. I was so foolish at the time and ended the relationship shortly after my 212st birthday because a 45 yr old man told me to. Looking back I think he had other ideas for me. Unfortunatly I hooked up with my N. The memories are popping up of things he made me do to my ex. First he slashed all 4 tires on his car 2x. (turns out it was the wrong car) I had to sit in the car and watch. Then he dictated a really nasty letter to me, to my old beau. It was basically insulting his manhood. I have not remembered this incident in many many years. But when I met with my old beau, he told me I sent him a letter. Hours later it came to mind what happended. I say and believe my N made me do it. But it sounds so lame and lacking in responsiblity. I am having a great deal of difficulty dealing with this. Of course I have some attachement issues from childhood and my N. So I'm looking for approval. But I think that is a foolish course of action. Anyway. Anywisdon on this? Eliza
May 19 - 5AM
Enough123's picture

Needing to know

I can't let this go. I need to know how far the cheating went. How many girls, was it both physical and emotional? I feel like such a fool. I had known him my whole life and trusted him WITH my life. And now I trust him with nothing...I just need to know the details. It's what prevents me from moving on. I think he knows and thrives on that and still uses it to control me. How do you get over the betrayal without ever having the details? Any thoughts would be appreciated. Thank you.
May 26 - 3PM (Reply to #21)
Four Aces
Four Aces's picture

Needing to know

I feel the same way. My N has cheated on me multiple times and each time I was consumed with details. Here is the thing however, use these opportunities as validation of the fact that you are absolutely wasting your time with this person. The "need to know" is sometimes what I do to attempt have some "control" over another person. It's pointless. Remember, this is a toxic person that you empower with your insatiable need to "know." Breathe in and let it go.....or as they say in AA "Let Go and Let God." Blessings to you.
May 14 - 12PM
desperatelyseekingsolace's picture

Why, indeed

I ask myself this question all the time. Why, over a year after this whole thing began, and almost exactly a year since it ended in him marrying someone else, am I still waking up with him on my mind??? So many things in this post make sense. It's 100% true that I can't accept that the person who wooed me so totally and completely, and made me feel like I'd found my other half, and told me he felt like he'd found his, in reality had no intention of making good on any of those things. A year later - after all the shame, the secrecy, the anger, the guilt, the grief at losing my "best friend" -- I am STILL obsessing over what happened. STILL bending over backwards to understand why he treats me the way he does. STILL playing into his little cat-and-mouse game even though I know in my heart that's not how people who truly care about each other treat each other. I have struggled so hard. Battled a darkness the likes of which I have never encountered in life. And my friends wonder "why can't you just move on?" You're so strong in the rest of your life, why can't you be strong on this?? That's why I'm so glad to have found this forum. It has shed so much light on what has happened to me (hopefully I can find the courage to post my story on here soon) and has been such a RELIEF to find out that I'm not alone. This whole time he has been making me feel like the crazy one when in reality it's HIM that's driving all this negative poisonous crap into my head. (And oh by the way I work with him!!) Thank you so so much, all of you, for your stories. I hope we can all be strong for each other and give one another back the love and support that these people STOLE from us. xoxo
May 22 - 1PM (Reply to #19)
Jazzbestill's picture

Working with the "N" gives him great power

bad but do I feel in and out for you. I also worked with my "N" We are both Registered Nurses. They get bored easy and in their world, everything changes everyday. It is almost like a multiple personality disorder. They want you SO bad in one instant, then their actions do not portray that. They want friends with benefits but you are the island(solid rock) they will always come back to you. A narcissist can sniff out a female that will put up with his behavior d/t his uncanny way of always making it look like your salmon are swimming downstream. Catch my drift? This is the most toxic personality disorder of them all and love yourself ENOUGH to get out now and educate other victims of their abuse because you will not be his LAST! God bless!!!
May 12 - 10PM
mynewlife2011's picture


I have read this post probably 20 times. I come back to it when I have an obsessive moment. As victims, we do replay some of the more painful experiences in our mind over and over again. Since N's don't do stability, as soon as things were calm in our homelife and relationship...POW! another blow to knock me off my feet. I knew if I stayed with him I would look 80 by the time I was 50. Very Unhealthy. Having said that, once I finally gained the courage to kick him out, there is now a lot of quiet time, less drama, and time to reflect in a calm safe atmosphere (never had that in my 13 years of marriage, never a safe place to fall there.) So, this time to reflect and just be with the emotions that arise is new for me, or something I don't remember before him. it is a journey, but I thank God for you- you saved my sanity.
May 8 - 5PM
wacaet's picture

this post makes things I've

this post makes things I've been feeling and thinking make much more sense. Thank you for creating this forum so I have a safe place to process the trauma of all I've been through. I felt like I'd been emotionally raped and my first instinct was to curl into a ball and never move again. Finding this forum has saved my sanity.
May 4 - 2PM
fragile's picture


Yes, I wonder what it is, what it really is I am avoiding. I am getting closer every day to this truth, and I do not yet know what it is I am REALLY avoiding. Thanks for this post!
May 1 - 4PM
fjk's picture

seeing for what it is

Reading through this, makes me understand what I've been going through. It's now almost 7months since the Narc in my life left (with the kids, who are now living with me) and this was driving me crazy in the beginning, I use to wake up with him in my head every morning, then praying for the day that it would stop, then one day I realised he wasn't the first thing on my mind when I woke up. He still pops in there every now and again, but I try to take a step back and look at the big picture, not the details, and he fades away again. The more I read, and begin to see him for what he truly is, the less I look to myself for answers of what went wrong in our marriage, and what faults I have. I look at myself now with a kind eye, give myself some slack, and focus on my kids and how we can develop a "normal" family life. They still see him regularly and I have to debrief them regularly, but I don't make a big deal of the things he does, address it and more on. I don't want the kids caught up in his drama. I have a great support network and love reading this blog and other info on Narcs, it really helps me separate myself. thanks lisa felicity
May 1 - 6PM (Reply to #13)
Lisa E. Scott
Lisa E. Scott's picture


Felicity - Exactly! Once we "Understand It" and realize we have done nothing wrong nor is there anything we can do to fix the relationship with him, we are finally able to focus our energy on more productive tasks! I am so happy you are experiencing this, Felicity, and so appreciate you sharing it with others here so they know recovery is possible! With time, repetition, patience and support, we eventually learn to stop obsessing about the Narcissist. I truly believe this can happen for every single one of us if we work the steps. Felicity is right. The power of the first step to "Understand It" is HUGE. Like she said: "The more I read, and begin to see him for what he truly is, the less I look to myself for answers of what went wrong in our marriage, and what faults I have. I look at myself now with a kind eye, give myself some slack, and focus on my kids and how we can develop a 'normal' family life." EXACTLY! We start focusing our energy on more productive tasks and we start showing some Self-Compassion towards ourselves for a change. This is the key to Step 6 - To Heal. Research tells us that women and men who fall for Narcissists are Empaths, which means they are extremely compassionate and caring people. Here's more on Empaths: http://www.lisaescott.com/2011/04/23/why-narcissist-chooses-us We Empaths need to start showing ourselves some of that over-flowing compassion! We need to lighten up and go easy on ourselves. We cannot expect perfection in any recovery program and must reward ourselves for every bit of progress we make. It is not about perfection. It is about progress and it takes time to deprogram from the Narcissist. I know that with time, patience, dedication and support, every one here will begin to recover from the emotional abuse that occured in their relationship with a Narcissist. In my opinion, Self-Compassion is the key to any healing or recovery program. They call this "Loving-Kindness" in Buddhism and I'd like to see us all start practicing more of it going forward. We deserve it and owe it to ourselves. Thanks for pointing this out and sharing, Felicity! Such an incredibly helpful post you made. xoxo
May 19 - 7AM (Reply to #14)
Mag's picture

Thank you

Lisa, I just want to take some time out to thank you for creating this forum...it's been a lifesaver for me...I have your book and it has helped me to understand what I'm going through...I'm still trying to make sense of it all...not easy...thank God for my therapist and thank God for you!!!!
Apr 22 - 4PM
fooled no longer
fooled no longer's picture

Thanks Lisa the forum got me

Thanks Lisa the forum got me through some of the most agonised and scary moments of my life when I truly thought I was losing my mind. Im on the way to a better life after discovereing that there is absolutely nothing I could have done or can do now. Healing comes a little at a time. Some days I am still sadened by his devastation of the relationship we had. But he the N, isnt. Theres nothing i can do about that. God knows I tried often enough. So im grateful to you for helping me survive the worst year of my life. Love and light await. thanks A
May 1 - 4AM (Reply to #11)
Lisa E. Scott
Lisa E. Scott's picture


I am so glad you are no longer fooled by this man! Thank you for sharing your experience with everyone here. Your progress is inspiring and helpful to others still reeling from the inevitable Discard & Devalue. You are so right: "There is absolutely nothing I could have done or can do now" to change him or bring back the man you thought you loved. That man does not exist. He was an illusion. Narcissists are great actors and manipulate better than anyone. They "get off" on it and love to drive us mad. They truly make it a goal to cause us to question our sanity and lose our minds. It's all a fun little game to them. We are suffering immensely while they are "getting off" on every minute of it. Narcissists are sick and sadistic people who enjoy torturing us. Like I said, I am so glad you are no longer fooled, my friend. Keep up the good work and thanks for sharing! xoxo
Apr 22 - 11AM
SoOverItNext's picture

I gave in.

I stepped away for a moment because I thought that I was over it! I'm not. I had gone foue weeks without talking to him. He called and texted and called and came by (I didn't answer). He began calling my family and friends and asking why I wasn't answering his calls. I finally broke down and called him back. He told me that I was a bad mother for keeping him away from his daughter. He told my friends and family that he thinks that I am on drugs (haven't had drugs in my entire life.) He named one of my friends and told everyone that she is influencing me in a bad way. (This is the only friend who ever stood uo to him). I am so tired of being harrassed by him. But I love him. I;m praying. That these feelings with soon be yesterday's news. I keep thinking that he loves me. But I know he doesn't. It's just hard to believe that someone would put so much energy into calling and finding me...for them not to love me. I'm so confused...AGAIN. Just when I was getting better. *sigh*
May 1 - 4AM (Reply to #8)
kat's picture

dont feel bad

dont feel bad about yourself.....i have literally been abused all my life ...was on the road to recovery when i met my one....i know all the warning signs and red flags ....all the alarms ...they all started to ring practically as soon as i met him...did i listen ...no...did i listen to my friends ..my therapist...no....and i went back to this guy 6 times...am now on the 7th break up with same guy...you will realise what he is ..my one took all my money ...and said it was my fault ..twisted my words...gas lighted ...lied ..cheated ...manipulated ...raged like a 2 year old over nothing ..blamed me for everything ...told me i was lucky to have him ..it was his way or nothing ...would never change cos he knew the difference between right and wrong..and expected me to understand his every whim wish and mood..verbally abused me ...used silent treatment and sexually abused me ...yeh he was a bundle of laughs..the ego he had was unbelievable ...so am now 5 weeks into breakup and have decided to look on this as an addiction..apparently when u r in danger the body releases amounts of adrenaline ...fight or flight syndrome..well i have been on permanent alert for a year and a half ...i think the reason i went back time after time was the addiction to the adrenaline...i only know how to have that type of relationship ..given my past...and i think a lot of the depression and pain u experience once u have left him is actual physical withdrawl from the adrenaline ....when they run after u like that for one seconed u r back in the honeymoon period ..then the cycle starts all over again...this time i barely escaped with my sanity ...the amount of brainwashing that i had been subjected too ...and yeh i blamed myself cos that was what he did ..it was all my fault..except after reading all available material on the net ...no it isnt my fault ..he is what he is ...and one day u will do the right thing for yourself ..u have already started ..u cant go back to blindly loving him ...otherwise u wouldnt be on this site ..so please dont feel bad that u went back to him ...just keep on telling yourself that u r a good person and u deserve to be loved ..not used ..u will get there ..we all do ...good luck
May 4 - 1PM (Reply to #9)
fragile's picture


Wow, that sounds so similar to my experience. Seven years going on eight, uncountable break ups, disbelief, challenging myself to believe I must be crazy, hating him, loving him, forgiving him, believing him, adrenaline, there is a lot in this comment! The pain and depression to not be able to leave altogether, lingering... brainwashed, addicted, co-dependent, conditioned. Unfortunately there REALLY aren't that many who ran into a prototype of narcs. By the way, Vaknin was my "friend" on FB until I commented on his video that it was monotone and boring. lol He dumped me. Of course, but that didn't matter. I wasn't in love with him. He claims to be one. Right? Well, he is. :)
Apr 21 - 3PM
gratefuljen's picture

Grateful to be comming out of the fog!

They truly are like vampires. I was under a spell. I had not idea what I was dealing with. I woke up fifteen weeks ago. It has been one of the most painful things I have ever gone through. But, I hung in there read, educated myself, and prayed. I was d & d four times. It is the worse pain, as you guys know. The first three times, I did not realize that was what was happening. I was brain washed, abused, and hopeless. During the last d & d he started abusing my grandchild and MaMa Bear woke the fuccccc up!!! It's been a learning process. Lots of great web sites about npd. Big learning curve. NO CONTACT IS THE BEST THING I COULD HAVE DONE! I broke it once,,,,,,to play with him. I texted, a message about a civil lawsuit, and a warrant for his arrest, he is not the sharpest knife in the kitchen. He bought it hook line and sinker. Texted like crazy, called, and I completely ignored him. However it did not have the effect I had hoped. I went down to his level. I will never contact him again. He is poison, evil, and I do not want that energy in my life ever, ever, again. I think I am going to write a book. The major character being a male npd, and he will die in the end. Love and hope to all on our journey back from hell!!!!
Apr 21 - 1PM
Ladydb123's picture

Jar of Hearts

I can truly relate to that song. Even though I was only his friend he sucked me in with all his sob stories of how badly the women in his life have treated him over the years. Telling me all the wonderful things he has done for these ladies, his sister, and some lady friends(Me)now and how they all let him down. Even though I was intitive enough to see through alot of the things he was saying I even called him on alot of his sh t. He would slip and forget he told something. I think I frustrated him because I never gave into his attempts to seduce me into his bed. He confided so much of his personal life to me over a three year period as well as denied many of the things he shared with me,trying to confuse me and question myself. But I know what I know. I feel very used and I am angry. I feel so much empathy and compassion for every one here and I feel so bad for the last lady he "Hooked". This man is 61 years old. I just truly hope he is done with me. I am definitely experiencing what you described as Cognitive Dissonance. Lisa your site is truly a god send. My blessings to all.