Yes, it is critical that we accept the fact that the man we fell in love with is gone.
Part of Step 4 - Accept It - involves writing his Eulogy. I believe this is important because we must fully grieve the man we fell in love with and accept that he is gone and never coming back.
The man who stands before us now asking for forgiveness and playing with our minds is NOT the man we fell in love with at all. We must not try to fool ourselves into thinking that he is. Trust me, he is relying on us to do this.
Instead, we must recognize this new man as an IMPOSTER and nothing more. We must fully grieve the man we fell in love with and say goodbye to him. We must pay our respects to him and mourn him. I believe by writing his Eulogy, it will help us do this.
Pay tribute to the man you fell in love with because he was an amazing man. Say goodbye to him properly. Write his Eulogy and read it aloud.
My hope is that by doing this, it will help you stop obsessing about the IMPOSTER who is now trying to pose as the man you love. The man you love would never mess with your mind. There is no point in over-analyzing the IMPOSTER's actions or behavior because he is NOT the man you love. The man you love is gone.
Before writing his Eulogy, Step 4 requires that we write a list comparing the two men's characteristics to help us more fully realize they are different people. The list is called "My Love vs. The Imposter" and it will help you more clearly see the difference between the two men. We must truly recognize they are NOT the same person. No amount of obsessing or over-analyzing will turn the IMPOSTER into our true love.
The man you love is gone and by writing his Eulogy, you accept this and acknowledge what he meant to you and everything he stood for. Trust me, a man like this does exist out there. However, the more we spend our time obsessing about the IMPOSTER, the less opportunity we have of finding true love again.
Say goodbye to your true love, recognize the IMPOSTER for who he is and begin the process of moving on. You owe it to yourself and your true love wants nothing more than for you to do just that. He wants you to find happiness again. He does not want you to waste your energy on the IMPOSTER anymore.
In fact, every time you engage with the IMPOSTER, it's as if you are disrespecting your true love. Do NOT disrespect your true love OR YOURSELF by expending any more energy on the IMPOSTER. No Contact is the only way to go. It's time to move on. xoxo