A friend of mine ended a relationship with a man she loves because of her fear that he was about to reject her. It turns out, he wasn't going to reject her at all. He loves her very much, but now he is hurt that she broke up with him and is hesitant to take her back for fear that she will end things again and hurt him.
I have done this type of thing before and can tell you this self-destructive behavior will get us absolutely nowhere. We must understand this behavior is an automatic reflex/reaction based on experiences we have had in our past. Because of pain from our past, we react this way in an attempt to avoid being hurt. Unfortunately, in the end we not only hurt our partner, but we hurt ourselves. We have sabotaged the relationship.
Not too long ago, a guy I was dating showed me his brand new place. Now, as he was proudly showing me his stainless steel appliances and modern cabinetry, he joked that I should love it because I'm such a fan of vintage decor. I looked at him funny and to confirm his use of sarcasm, he told me he was kidding and then said:
"It's a brand new place."
but, guess what I heard.....
"It's a nice bachelor's pad."
I immediately responded to him by snapping and asking, "What?! What do you mean....it's a nice bachelor's pad?!" He then explained that's not what he said and we laughed it off. However, deep down it really struck me how warped my brain must be.
As foolish as I felt by responding this way, it made me realize how important it is to give yourself enough time to deprogram from a narcissist. A narcissist will brainwash you. I absolutely believe this. A narcissist will ramp up your dopamine and cause a major release in your oxytocin in order to get you addicted to him. In my opinion, it's the closest one can come to being hypnotized. These are the recent advances in science that now give us an advantage in understanding the danger of personality disordered people.
Another significant advantage in science is the knowledge that our brains can be retrained. Our brains are much more plastic and flexible than we ever thought. Subconscious Restructuring, which is the therapy I just finished getting my certification in, has proven that ALL behavior stems from our subconscious. Unfortunately, very few of us know how to tap into our subconscious. I know I never knew how.
To give you an idea of the power of our subconscious, we now know that our subconscious operates at a rate four times faster than the speed at which we can talk. I believe a profound example of how strong our subconscious is would be what I thought my guy said when showing me his new place. Hearing "it's a nice bachelor's pad" when he really said "it's a brand new place" is enough proof for me to know our subconscious runs deep.
Thanks to advances in technology, we are learning how to harness the power of our subconscious and more importantly, how to rewire and retrain our brain so that it produces behavior that is productive vs. non-productive. This will be a significant focus of my new treatment program, "The Path Forward" - Relationship Recovery Site - Coming Soon.