The Origins of "The Path Forward"

I'm re-posting this from the Fall.

Sun, 10/18/2009 - 21:54 — Lisa E. Scott

Monica - "I Won't Back Down" is one of my favorite songs! Great song to run to or work out aggression at a gym.

You have to follow that up with "Running Down a Dream" by Tom Petty as well. Together, they're a very healing combination of songs.

Barbara - Thank you for pointing out my music! (And for coming up with "The Path Forward"!)
I love it when people understand how cathartic and healing music can be. For me, both writing and singing have been critical in my recovery, which is why I made an album titled "Gotta Get It Out." I truly believe if you don't "get your feelings out" in some way, shape or form, they stay within you and become toxic. You can never recover or get well until you deal with the feelings you have inside.

I know I didn't deal with the feelings of my divorce while it was happening. No, it wasn't until much later that I dealt with all my feelings about it. Am I ashamed of this? No. Why? Because when I was going through my divorce I was in "SURVIVAL MODE." Aren't we all in survival mode when a relationship comes to an end?

Whenever we go through a traumatic event such as divorce or death, it's difficult to entirely mourn because there's a part of us that must "keep it together" for others (children and family members) for ourselves (to get ourselves to work) or for both!!! For one reason or another, we aren't able to mourn the way we need to when it's happening.

It isn't until things calm down that it really hits us. It is at this point, we must allow ourselves to grieve and allow ourselves to "get it out." We must be patient with ourselves and kind. We have to allow ourselves to cry and feel sad. I believe we must truly and literally "get it out."

The CD I made is a compilation of songs by my favorite female vocalists (10 cover songs) and one original song I co-wrote with a Nashville songwriter, William Ellis, titled "It's Not You It's Me.

Thank you for commenting on the lyrics of my original song, Grossot!
This song was so healing for me to write and record. I even made a video to it. It felt so good!

As some of you may know, I'm going through a bit of a rough period right now. I haven't been writing on the board very much because I feel like it would by hypocritical of me seeing as how I continue to fall for narcissistic men. Second, I was laid off from my real job (which I very much need in order to pay the bills and promote this book) a couple weeks ago. Anyway, I'm not asking for pity, but trying to explain why I'm crying for joy right now.

I have been doing some soul-searching lately trying to figure out what I want to do with my life. I have been thinking of getting certified to become a life coach. Thanks to all of you and this motivating thread Monica started on music, I feel as though "I finally have some clarity" on the topic of my career.

I've been trying to find a coaching method that I believe in and came across what is called "Subconscious Restructuring." This type of coaching or therapy is based on the belief that we respond to events in our life based on images and memories we have stored in our subconscious. We can change how we respond to certain events in our life by restructuring our subconscious.

Here's an example of how Subconscious Restructuring would work in something that came up this weekend. One of our messageboard readers is very upset. She ended a relationship with a man she loves because of fear that he was about to reject her. It turns out, he wasn't going to reject her at all. He very much loves her, but now he is hurt that she broke up with him and is hesitant to take her back for fear that she will hurt him again.

I am here to tell you, I have done this exact same thing before and this type of sabotage or self-destructive behavior will get us absolutely nowhere. However, in order to fix it, we must first understand this unhealthy behavior is an automatic reflex reaction based on experiences from our past. Because of pain from our past, we react this way in an attempt to avoid being hurt. Unfortunately, in the end we not only hurt our partner, but we hurt ourselves. We have sabotaged the relationship.

I believe life is not about what happens to us, but how we respond to it that matters. Life coaching is all about changing future behavior to improve ourselves, right?! It's not stuck in the past, but it deals with the past in order to move on and live in the present with a healthy state of mind.

My point in this long story is that I now feel more motivated than ever before to get my life coaching certification. I have spoken on the boards before and written at the end of my book on how Cognitive Behavioral Therapy is a therapy that allows you to retrain your brain and has, for me, been the most effective form of therapy I've ever experienced. Well, I believe Subconscious Restructuring follows the same line of thought and I am excited about getting my license in this form of coaching/therapy.

You all continue to inspire and motivate me every day. Thank you for another blessed day surrounded by your support. You know you have all helped me "run down my dream" of making this messageboard a reality. Now, I'd like to thank you again for motivating me to run down another dream - life coaching.

Big Hugs,

Jun 16 - 6AM
calamity-g's picture

The origins of "The path forward"

Lisa I enjoyed your post and this sure rings true, "It isn't until things calm down that it really hits us. It is at this point, we must allow ourselves to grieve and allow ourselves to "get it out." When I first got out (was abandoned for saying no) of the relationship with the N, I was okay for the first couple of months. I actually felt relief at first, like I could have some time to myself and for my family, finally. I had developed an episode of chronic fatigue syndrome and really needed a break. It wasn't until later, several months, after an accident that left me bed ridden for over a month and stopped me from riding horses, which seemed to be an extremely healing experience, that the abandonment I felt really hit me. It hit me fast and hard and I lost a lot of weight and got really sick. I did not get better and instead ended up in the cardiac unit at the hospital for a slow heart rate, which the doctor decided after talking with me that it was because I was not eating very much at all. (You gotta have protein for your heart to keep on ticking). I was ashamed of how I was becoming more depressed instead of less, as I had expected. I continued to write and this helped. Finally, I began to make myself get out and do things, even though I was so depressed and very fatigued. It was not easy and still isn't but it sure is getting easier, finally, just over one year later. I recently remembered a play I had written about seven years ago as part of a music therapy project. (I'm not a musician so I had to come up with another form of creativity for the class). I couldn't believe that it is exactly the story I have lived through. I've talked to a couple of people about helping me with it and us having a performance around my fire pit (which is the center of the stage) in my backyard. Just talking about the play, the characters and the story, I have experienced some healing. We laugh a lot when we talk about the play because the evil one who made the main character sick, is a narcissist. In the end, we burn the narcissist! (Remember, this is a play, not real life ;)). So, while we laugh (and we laugh pretty hard about it) and as we discuss it and make fun of, "burning the narcissist," in the end, I am experiencing the pain through the laughter, letting go of it. My mother and grandmother always said I should be some type of counselor. I may not be able to go back to school but I think I will end up doing something, such as volunteering for the domestic violence center in my area. I wanted to share that because first, I think we all have something we would be good at doing if it wasn't for things like oh say, mortgages and groceries and for some of us, being really too sick. Gotta have those frog skins and some energy. Secondly, I admire you for looking at this for yourself, while you face being laid off from your job. I wish you much success! Thanks for sharing. ~~~~~~~~ My Blog

My Blog

Jun 18 - 10AM (Reply to #2)
Lisa E. Scott
Lisa E. Scott's picture


Yes, isn't it amazing how long we function in survival mode to get through it all? Then, wwhen we finally allow ourselves to heal, the emotion feels like a tidal wave. We think we should be better, but we're actually crying more. We have to "get it out" and not resist the urge to repress. Creativity is an amazing outlet for getting out the pain. I love that you wrote a play and acted it out - burn the narcissist. What an incredible way to let it go! I think that's great that you want to be a counselor. You definitely should pursue it. It sounds like you would be very good at it and you have so much to give back. Big Hugs, Lisa
Jun 7 - 4AM
grossot's picture

How exciting!

This is so great, Lisa! I am extremely excited about this. I'm sorry for the loss of your job but it's obvious, after reading your recent posts, what you were called to do. I cannot wait to learn more about SR. This, personally comes at the perfect time in my life and healing process. I admit to being obsessed with way he treated me. I'm ready to move on and learn how to keep the past a thing of the past. I really need to receive a "how to" in this very thing! Can't wait to hear more! nolongercontrolled