Great article on John Mayer by Melinda Tankard Reist

In an interview in this month's Playboy, John Mayer says he can't keep his hands off himself. Giving new meaning to narcissism, Mayer says he prefers an intimate night in with his computer to a night out with a real live woman.

Even when he's with a real woman, Mayer confesses he is just using her as a masturbatory aid while porn images and stories run through his head. To Mayer, women are only a means to an end: his own, self-assisted, big bang.

Here's an extract:

MAYER: ...pornography? It's a new synaptic pathway. You wake up in the morning, open a thumbnail page, and it leads to a Pandora's box of visuals. There have probably been days when I saw 300 [naked girls] before I got out of bed.

PLAYBOY: What's your point about porn and relationships?

MAYER: Internet pornography has absolutely changed my generation's expectations. How could you be constantly synthesizing an orgasm based on dozens of shots? You're looking for the one photo out of 100 you swear is going to be the one you finish to, and you still don't finish. Twenty seconds ago you thought that photo was the hottest thing you ever saw, but you throw it back and continue your shot hunt and continue to make yourself late for work. How does that (porn) not affect the psychology of having a relationship with somebody? It's got to.

PLAYBOY: You seem very fond of pornography.

MAYER: When I watch porn, if it's not hot enough, I'll make up backstories in my mind. My biggest dream is to write pornography.

PLAYBOY: Masturbation for you is as good as sex?

MAYER: Absolutely, because during sex, I'm just going to run a filmstrip. I'm still masturbating. That's what you do when you're 30, 31, 32. This is my problem now: Rather than meet somebody new, I would rather go home and replay the amazing experiences I've already had.

PLAYBOY: You'd rather jerk off to an ex-girlfriend than meet someone new?

MAYER: Yeah. What that explains is that I'm more comfortable in my imagination than I am in actual human discovery. The best days of my life are when I've dreamed about a sexual encounter with someone I've already been with. When that happens, I cannot lay off myself.

It wasn't only his sexism, Mayer revealed. His penis was "white supremacist", like "David Duke" because it didn't get up for black women, he said. He did find some black women hot, but that's because the ones who turned him on were more like blonde white women.

Mayer's ode to self-love shows how pornography has influenced his attitudes to women. Impatient with women in the flesh, he has turned to the image of a woman for his habitual computer sex. Porn is shaping the thinking of younger boys as well.

Boys who watch porn are more likely to think sexual harassment is acceptable and less likely to form successful relationships when they're older, according to Australian researcher Michael Flood. Flood's latest research, while reported overseas, has had little mention in Australia's mainstream media.

The report, 'Harms of Pornography Exposure Among Children and Young People', also found that boys who see porn are more inclined to believe there is nothing wrong with pinning down or sexually harassing a girl. "Exposure to pornography helps to sustain young people's adherence to sexist and unhealthy notions of sex and relationships", says Flood.

In the UK last week, porn's troubling influence on boys was given significant attention in a Daily Mail piece, 'Teenage boys watching hours of internet pornography a week treating girlfriends like sex objects'.

Girls spoke about taking chaperones ('3rd wheels') with them on dates to try to rein in the sexually aggressive behaviour of boys. Boys called them bitches and demanded they act like porn stars.

But not all men want to act like that.

Oliver, from Queensland, just wrote to me about porn's effect on him:

"I have struggled with pornography for a long time and I hate it. I hate what it does to my mind and my perception of women. I hate how it can consume my thoughts. I hate the fact that I constantly fight to keep my mind free from it and I will have to fight for the rest of my life. I also hate the fact that it is almost impossible for a young man to grow up without having this perversion shoved in his face...We have a very screwed up view of masculinity and what a 'real' man looks like..."

Mayer might think the only risk to himself is Repetitive Strain Injury. But he is risking real relationships with real women in the real world, because he is entirely oriented toward seeing them as his personal ejaculatory helpers.

Unlike images, real women touch, and speak back. Real women are complex and messy and difficult. That's why loving a woman, like loving a man, is a communion rather than looking in a mirror.

Mayer's ode to narcissism also means he has forfeited the pleasures of love. Any woman with a brain or a heart would run a mile from the singer with the calloused hands.

Mayer's public act of pornography product placement contributes to the dominant cultural script that girls and women -whether computer-generated or real - are merely in the world as pleasure centres for men, that they are to be targeted for porn-inspired acts, and that they have no place or existence outside these roles.

Melinda Tankard Reist is editor of Getting Real: Challenging the sexualisation of girls (Spinifex Press, 2009) and a founder of Collective Shout: for a world free of sexploitation (www.collectiveshout.org).

Apr 30 - 6PM
Kelly
Kelly's picture

83 Again - He admits he's stuck at age six!

I always thought the lyrics to this song were strange! Who cares about who took away your lunch box. This guy is deeply deeply disturbed. . . . Read on and peer into the mind of a real NPD! I've these dreams of Walking home Home where it used to be And everything is As it was Frozen in front of me Here I stand 6 feet small romanticizing years ago but it's a bitter sweet feeling hearing "Wrapped Around Your Finger" on the radio and these days I wish I was 6 again Oh make me a red cape I wanna be Superman Oh, if only my life was more like 1983 all these things would be more like they were at the start of me had it made in 83 thinking bout my brother Ben I miss him every day He looks just like his brother John But on an 18 month delay Here I stand 6 feet small and smiling cause I'm scared as hell kind of like my life is like a sequel to a movie where the actor's names have changed oh well well these days I wish I was 6 again Oh make me a red cape I wanna be Superman Oh, if only my life was more like 1983 all these things would be more like they were at the start of me If my life was more like 1983 plot a course to the source of the purest little part of me and most my memories have escaped me or confused themselves within dreams if heaven's all we want it to be send your prayers to me care of 1983 you can paint that house a rainbow of colors rip out the floorboards replace the shutters but that's my plastic in the dirt whatever happened to my whatever happened to my whatever happened to my lunchbox when came the day that it got thrown away and don't you think I should have had some say in that decision If only my life (repeated till fade)
Apr 29 - 2PM
BlueMoon
BlueMoon's picture

btw

...his music SUCKS, and always has, and he looks like a girl, with those big curly locks and those red cherry lips...so N that he is, there is NOT one quantum of redeeming value whatsoever! EWWW! Sounds like he would have his lips around anything that would propel his career. Who the HELL gave HIM a contract??? It just goes to show that even the most beautiful and talented women can be duped.
Apr 29 - 12PM
GIJ
GIJ's picture

Heard Heart Break Warfare on the radio today - ready to puke!

Heart Break Warefare - John Mayer Lightning strikes Inside, my chest to keep me up at night Dream of ways To make you understand my pain Clouds of sulfur in the air Bombs are falling everywhere It's heartbreak warfare Once you want it to begin, No one really ever wins In heartbreak warfare If you want more love, why don't you say so? If you want more love, why don't you say so? Drop his name Push it in and twist the knife again Watch my face As I pretend to feel no pain Clouds of sulfur in the air Bombs are falling everywhere It's heartbreak warfare Once you want it to begin, No one really ever wins In heartbreak warfare. If you want more love, why don't you say so? If you want more love, why don't you say so? Just say so... How come the only way to know how high you get me is to see how far I fall God only knows how much I'd love you if you let me but I can't break through at all. It's a heartbreak... I don't care if we don't sleep at all tonight Let's just fix this whole thing now I swear to God we're gonna get it right If you lay your weapon down Red wine and ambien You're talking *shit* again, it's heartbreak warfare Good to know it's all a game Disappointment has a name, it's heartbreak, heartbreak. It's heartbreak warfare. It's heartbreak warfare. It's heartbreak warfare.
Apr 29 - 11PM (Reply to #14)
neveragain5
neveragain5's picture

Someone said all sh*t to him

Someone said all sh*t to him and he said, "Ohh, this would make a good song".
Apr 30 - 6AM (Reply to #15)
Barbara (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

lure

Mayer just uses seductive NLP talk to write his songs. a lure for hopeful chicks to buy his music... ICK! ~~~~~~~~~ Moving Forward: Coaching for Victims Pathologicals Feelings buried alive never die. - Alice Miller
Apr 28 - 10PM
Kelly
Kelly's picture

Your Body is a Wonderland . . .

Your body is a wonderland ooooohhhhh ohhhhh . . . LMAO!! He just gave a whole new meaning to this song didn't he? Lol!
Apr 28 - 10PM (Reply to #11)
Barbara (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

John Mayer

singing it to himself in a mirror EEWWW - I will never look at him the same way again... a complete piece of dung ~~~~~~~~~ Moving Forward: Coaching for Victims Pathologicals Feelings buried alive never die. - Alice Miller
Apr 29 - 10AM (Reply to #12)
Scooters Mom
Scooters Mom's picture

ugh! yuck

he's off my ipod! Oh wait he was never on there! LOL
Apr 28 - 2PM
narcnarcwhosthere (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

he needs to be added

to the needs to die list.....he's a total piece of shit.......
Apr 28 - 9AM
woundedsoul36
woundedsoul36's picture

He's a raging Narcissist! We

He's a raging Narcissist! We now know he'd rather stroke himself to images of porn stars and ex girlfriends than find a new girlfriend *insecure lazy ass* But also, he tried to change Simpson from a "madonna-like" wholesome, ditzy girl to the classic whore. We all know about his remarks about Simpson being "sexual napalm" but have a look at this: "During their time together, "[Mayer] brought her to new places sexually, and they were dark places," an insider said. "She liked being a bad girl and getting manhandled, but now she feels it was a mistake because of what he said in the interview." We can't decide if that's LOL or TMI material. Another Jessica Simpson source adds that the star is "disgusted" by Mayer's remarks. "He actually texted apologizing, like, 12 times, but she ignored it." We can't imagine why." http://www.thehollywoodgossip.com/2010/03/friend-of-jessica-simpson-john-mayer-brought-her-to-dark-places/ Simpson has also alluded that Mayer tried to change her into something she wasn't and at the time she didn't realize it because she was in love....
Apr 29 - 10AM (Reply to #8)
Scooters Mom
Scooters Mom's picture

Hmm,,,,

She also wondered if Chicken of the sea was chicken or tuna fish. Poor girl, just goes to show that they go for the vulnerable ones.
Apr 28 - 9AM
foolmeonce
foolmeonce's picture

John Mayer and Blow Jobs

One morning Perez Hilton was on the radio talking about one night he hung out with John Mayer. John Mayer called him and Perez invited him over - this was at like 3:00 a.m. As everyone knows, Perez is gay and the discussion turned to whether John had ever been with a man - he would not tell Perez if he had ever had sex with a man but he did tell him he had had a c*ck in his mouth - more than once. If this isn't sure fire proof of his narcissism - I don't know what is. As we all know - an N will take whatever he can get - man, woman or hand!
Apr 28 - 2PM (Reply to #6)
Barbara (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

eeewwwwww

a cock in his mouth? OMG!!!!!! I am disgusted by this guy now... ~~~~~~~~~ Moving Forward: Coaching for Victims Pathologicals Feelings buried alive never die. - Alice Miller
Apr 28 - 6AM
woundedsoul36
woundedsoul36's picture

This just hits the nail in

This just hits the nail in the coffin. John Mayer is a raging Narcissist and all though most people would joke about that not knowing that he really is a textbook pathological example: MAYER:" Yeah. What that explains is that I'm more comfortable in my imagination than I am in actual human discovery. The best days of my life are when I've dreamed about a sexual encounter with someone I've already been with. When that happens, I cannot lay off myself." NO John, what that explains is that you have serious mommy/intimacy issues and you NEED A THERAPIST because you are a sick puppy and not normal.
Apr 28 - 4AM
GIJ
GIJ's picture

Showing up in my google reader

Just a note to say Yeah! This article showed up in my google reader. I don't mind coming to the site to read entries. It's just easier for me to monitor my reader as I have many subscriptions. Thanks for the site! Have a great day And John Mayer? Yikes! What is truly amazing / stunning is that he speaks so openly about his use of porn. And how tragic that he is modeling that behavior for impressionable fans. Glad Oprah didn't give him a platform to explain and "apologize". Thanks for sharing.
May 1 - 1AM (Reply to #1)
Barbara (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

Your Body is a Wonderland - rewritten

my rewrite, especially for John Mayer ~~~~ I've got the afternoon I've got something to do One thing I've left to do Discover me Discovering me One mile to every inch of My skins like porcelain One box of tissues and some of my favorite lotion And if you want love I'll Fake it Swim in a deep sea Of tissues Take all my big plans And break 'em I'll be watching porn awhile my body is a wonderland my body is a wonder (I'll use my hands) my body is a wonderland Something 'bout the way the hair falls in my face I love the mirror when its in the right palce People tell me this is sick Wish I could bend enough, myself to lick I'll never let my hand get tired No one but me is required Damn baby I frustrate me I know you're mine all mine all mine But I look so good it hurts sometimes ~~~~~~~~~ Moving Forward: Coaching for Victims Pathologicals Feelings buried alive never die. - Alice Miller
May 1 - 9PM (Reply to #2)
neveragain5
neveragain5's picture

ROTFL!!! Barbara! You're too

ROTFL!!! Barbara! You're too much!! :D
May 1 - 10PM (Reply to #3)
hitandrun
hitandrun's picture

AWESOME!!!

Ha!Ha! Great rewrite Barbara :)