A new member of our forum brought this topic up today so I thought I would copy and paste some text from my book, which explains why narcissists are addicted to porn. If your narc is addicted to porn, please know this is not your fault. It has nothing to do with you. It's all about him!
Narcissists do not see women in a healthy way. They are unable to see a woman as cute (i.e. sweet) and sexy at the same time. No, narcissists categorize women into one of two separate categories—saintly or sexy. They have a very difficult time seeing a woman as both. To them, a woman is either one or the other, but never both. This is what psychologists refer to as a Madonna-whore complex.
If a woman is sweet and nice, she is classified as a Madonna. If she challenges him, she is defined as a whore. A Madonna is sexless. A whore turns a narcissist on like nothing else. In the beginning of a relationship, every woman is sexy to a narcissist because the thrill of the chase makes her enticing. The harder to get she plays, the sexier she becomes. However, once she has been conquered by the narcissist, she slowly loses her desirability. The more comfortable the relationship becomes and the more caring she becomes, the less enticing she is to him sexually. She loses her sex appeal and becomes a saintly Madonna figure.
A Madonna fulfills a narcissist’s need to be catered to like a child. A whore fulfills his adult sexual needs. A whore is the only type of woman that turns a narcissist on. A Madonna is completely sexless. Over time, any woman who is good and caring to a narcissist will inevitably become sexless.
Many narcissists revert to pornography at this point, because it portrays women as whores. Pornography is degrading to women, and this is exactly what turns a narcissist on. Many become addicted to pornography.
A narcissist eventually withdraws sexually from any type of intimate relationship you once had with him. I believe it is inevitable in any long-term relationship with a narcissist. You become sexless. You become the Madonna. He still needs you, no doubt. However, this is not because he is in love with you in any adult or mature way. He needs you to continue to cater to his needs. He needs you to ensure that someone will always be present to stroke his ego, should the outside world fall short of his expectations.
I fear the easy access young teenagers have to pornography today breeds narcissism. When pornography is a teenager’s first introduction to sex, I believe it skews their understanding of it. Instead of learning that sex is something you save for someone you love, they see people having sex with many random people in pornography.
What does this tell teens about sex? It tells them that sex is not sacred. It teaches them that sex need not be reserved for only the one you love. Many teens today are learning about sex and love through pornography. As a result, I believe they see the two as mutually exclusive.
In other words, they see sex and love as two completely separate entities, which is precisely how a narcissist views them.
A narcissist does not view sex as a reflection of one’s love for another. He views sex as something completely separate from love. To a narcissist, love is sexless, pure, and saintly, whereas sex is dirty and reserved for whores.
- Lisa