Hoovering

So I was here years ago after a 2 yr relationship with a narc. He'd left me completely devastated to the point that I was in no hurry to open myself up to any man again, but over the years I learned A LOT about narcs. About 1 1/2 yrs after the breakup, I was singled out by a former college/NFL player at our local bar (so yes, he seems to have a big ego, but I've always ignored it as I don't get "star struck" and initially didn't care about him). We'd run into each other a few times after that, but it was months before we started a very "casual" relationship.

This is my second attempt at NC. Blocked him on Facebook (business and personal), blocked him on my phone, so a month later he finds and adds me on Instagram, then he creates a new Facebook account to message me and friend me on. He messaged me "Why the blocking?" and I thought "Indeed, why do I bother?!?! He will just slither in the back window while I am locking the front door..." Wtf...will this ever end?! This is so damned hard. I can't remember ever feeling so strongly for a man, why is it that the only one I want ends up being completely toxic and broken?!

One thing that I have learned is that for the Narc it's all about power and control. They have such a dread for their true self. They believe if they have power and control over you it gives them false validation. Think about it. They hate themselves and think they are worthless. I have actually heard my narc say this out loud. She said "I feel like I have nothing to offer". Maybe that was bait to make me give her a compliment but really I think she feels that way underneath.

So back in the middle of February around my birthday she pulls out all stops after I had blocked her. She has a former roommate text me and ask to call her. She has her brother in law call me. She calls from blocked numbers over and over. I never picked up but I listened to the messages. They became more and more desperate. Finally she just shows up at my house. I opened the door (big mistake). She shows me a tattoo on her back of my initials. I think to my self - wow this is for real - she really means it this time. We end up back in each others arms in no time flat.

I met my narc boyfriend 2 1/2 years ago. He did the whole love bombing thing like a pro. I did not know anything about narcissism before I met him so I feel for it hook, line and sinker. My friends did too. They couldn't believe how sweet and loving he was to me. We live a good distance apart and he also would travel here and there for work. The first year was amazing. Then I learned he cheated on me with someone. Not just a one night thing, he had a relationship with her for like a month! I never had a clue. I found out because he had posted on his facebook that he got married.