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My Story

A friend for over thirty years. A person I valued more than a sister. The person who introduced me to my husband. The person who I could confide in about anything.
I do have to wonder if pain medication changed the person I used to know. I'll never know, but that is when things started to change. Our young son was killed in a car accident. Not long after, she told me she used money meant for his headstone because she had to pay some bills. She felt that was ok, because we had insurance, but please, she asked, don't tell anybody. They won't understand these kinds of things. Well, I didn't understand how she could do something so hurtful. I kept my secret for almost a year until I came very close to a complete breakdown.
Fast forward: Her grown daughter died. My husband and I rushed home from a vacation, stood by her, provided her with everything and anything we could. One day in a conversation, she brought up her other "best friend" again. I asked her to please, please don't bring up this person who did not come to her daughter's funeral, did nothing to support her. You can guess what happens next: Calls, notes of support, emails went unanswered and we never got so much as a thank you or even a preprinted card for all we did. I finally sent an email thanking her for the years of friendship. It was kind, beautiful and provided an out so she did not have to do anything, since it was pretty clear that for whatever reason, she decided to unfriend me after a lifetime of being her friend. Her other "dear friend" lives far away and had convinced her once to move near her. It was a disaster and my friend came home. I will never understand what happened to this best friend who has been part of my life for most of my life, but I do know, when I received a brief note last week from her, telling me basically that what I said to her was so painful and that she couldn't forgive me for talking to her that way about her friend.... Maybe someday she might feel differently, but for now, she could not forgive me. Well, that will not happen now. My friend said things when my son died that were completely heartless, but I was too numb at the time to take it in. Stealing money in his memory should have made me end the friendship, but I had so much invested and again, I was numb. To ask ONE small favor, to please leave her other "best friend" out of our conversations because I was sick of hearing about someone who didn't have the kindness to stand by her when her daughter died, I knew I had been empathetic to a fault. My husband was so tired of her calls to have him come fix things, just as he would get home to relax: fix my sump pump, fix sink, put this together for me...She used him constantly and he was sick of it.
Well, sad as it is, I do think the friend I had will never been the same. She became a sad bitter person who constantly was taking medication for one thing or another before her daughter died. The letter she sent was so mean, it finally shook me from the fog of grief I had been in, helping me to understand I would get better without her. I wrote her, telling her it was over. My husband and I both feel like a huge weight is off our shoulders. We did so much for her. I am so sad for the loss of her daughter, who was a sweet person. Her daughter was so good to me. I miss her and I can't believe how this all turned out, but her mother was no help to her in the end, either.
Today, I feel a sense of relief like I haven't experienced for a long time.

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Female

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16 weeks 2 days