Working the Steps?

Hello and welcome to The Path Forward. My name is Goldie and I am the forum's lead moderator. I am available to assist you with the 6 Steps of recovery from a relationship with a Narcissist. This process is often painful and many are left with unanswered questions and a sense of "What just hit me?" "How can I be feeling this badly when I was "so loved" in the beginning?" and "How can I get my life back on track and recover from this confusing, painful ordeal?"

You must remember you have done nothing wrong, but believe in the good nature of another person. Unfortunately, this person has shown their true colors and you are now left with many questions. This section of the forum is devoted to answering your questions because we know you have many.

Here we will talk about what it means to be "Working the Steps" and the different recovery tools we find helpful in healing from a relationship with a Narcissist. Allowing yourself to process and feel your emotions through creative outlets as well as writing your "Goodbye Letter" are important aspects of the 6 Step Recovery process we believe with help you on the path forward. Please post your questions here and I will respond. Many of the questions which you have will also be helpful to other members. We are glad you found our community of support and can assure you that being here is the first step on the Path Forward.

Members, submit your question to Goldie!

He "Hoovered", now I'm pregnant. I'm so confused I don't even know what my question is.

My ex and I were together for a few years before I was pregnant with my fist. He lift me at 6 months saying I was selfish and over emotional. He wouldn't sleep with me. Hold me and even got mad at me for getting morning sickness in his BMW ( I swear he loves that car more than me)

Well, he didn't come back around till our daughter was one. He had only met her twice before that. Even though he is the one who sued me for custody and support. Still hasn't paid child support.

Now, I let him stay in my apartment till he could get a job and find an apartment.... After living there for one month, he had one interview.

How to really stop obsessive thinking and to let go?

Hi, I have been broken up with my ExN for 15 months now and I am only trying to start NC now. The first 6 months after our break-up we were trying to reconcile and he would text me saying that he couldn't wait to see me, and then when he saw me, he would say "I'm trying so hard to get the feeling back". This was so hurtful and finally after a few months I just got so angry and told him never to contact me again.

How to deal with a N when you have children together

My exN is supposedly getting married to the OW they have only been together I believe 2-3 months. We have a child together even though he doesn't see her right now (his choice) because he's mad that I have a restraining order against him but he still has rights. He left his place to move to another state with the OW. My question is when the time comes how do I deal with them in a mature way? Is it okay that I don't want to meet the OW and that I don't want to have any interaction with her? Is it okay that when I have to deal with the exN that I ONLY deal with him regarding my child?

How long before new N supply passion fades?

Is there a time frame when a new N relationship occurs before the love bombing fades for her? My XN has had yet another relationship with a new victim, this one being different as she has now moved in with him already, only been dating since end of january, she has uprooted her daughter & left family & friends behind to live with this perfect man. (I was married to him & together for 19 years of torment & tears but not realizing he was a narc!). My XN has told her everything I was told in the love bombing stage & is supposedly the happiest he has ever been in his life.

What do I do if I cannot access the site?

I cannot access the site after 3 failed password attempts.

Answer: 

If you try 3 times with the wrong password, our security system will automatically block your account. This is for YOUR protection.

Please email me with YOUR screen name and I will unblock you and provide you with a temporary new password, which you are welcome to change when you are back on the site.
[email protected]
xoxo,
Goldie

trying to understand

Iv been reading all the blogs and posts and although a lot of the questions and replies i see simularities to a lot of what iv been through and feeling right now im still a bit unsure as to whether my x is or was an N.
He is suffering from depression and sees a therapist on a regular basis.. I tried to help and hated how his depression affected him.. Things werent going well for us as he was married when we met and the usual she doesnt understand blah blah..

How do you deal with the emotional and verbal abuse..

we were married for 23yrs, the last 6 were HELL... the first 17yrs he taught me to stand up for myself, don't take any crap..treated me like a princess.. then 6 yrs ago he broke his back and died.. they revived him and he is fine now. except his personality changed...
My question is " How do I get the horrible things he called me and said to me out of my head... I have been working really hard to try to re build my self esteem.. but those words, and put downs keep popping up..

Why is NC so hard?!

I feel dumb. I did so well with no contact the first time but we ended on a bad note and I changed my #, making it easier.

Now that he's back and he's feedling me this crap, I feel sorry for him. . . I KNOW its happening. The manipulation, making me fall for him again. I thought I would be alright, now that I'm aware of npd and with the help of the birth of my daughter, have moved on. . . But why am I still excited to get a text from him? Why do I want to talk to him? Because I'm lonely?

He tells me how sorry he is, how bad he misses us... I know that it has to be b.s. he would have never left if being w us is what he wanted. Its about control. The ONLY reason he summoned me. To get to me. To get me to talk to him again and it worked.