Working the Steps?

Hello and welcome to The Path Forward. My name is Goldie and I am the forum's lead moderator. I am available to assist you with the 6 Steps of recovery from a relationship with a Narcissist. This process is often painful and many are left with unanswered questions and a sense of "What just hit me?" "How can I be feeling this badly when I was "so loved" in the beginning?" and "How can I get my life back on track and recover from this confusing, painful ordeal?"

You must remember you have done nothing wrong, but believe in the good nature of another person. Unfortunately, this person has shown their true colors and you are now left with many questions. This section of the forum is devoted to answering your questions because we know you have many.

Here we will talk about what it means to be "Working the Steps" and the different recovery tools we find helpful in healing from a relationship with a Narcissist. Allowing yourself to process and feel your emotions through creative outlets as well as writing your "Goodbye Letter" are important aspects of the 6 Step Recovery process we believe with help you on the path forward. Please post your questions here and I will respond. Many of the questions which you have will also be helpful to other members. We are glad you found our community of support and can assure you that being here is the first step on the Path Forward.

Members, submit your question to Goldie!
hope03's picture

How to deal with a N when you have children together

June 10, 2013 - 3:54pm — hope03

My exN is supposedly getting married to the OW they have only been together I believe 2-3 months. We have a child together even though he doesn't see her right now (his choice) because he's mad that I have a restraining order against him but he still has rights. He left his place to move to another state with the OW. My question is when the time comes how do I deal with them in a mature way? Is it okay that I don't want to meet the OW and that I don't want to have any interaction with her? Is it okay that when I have to deal with the exN that I ONLY deal with him regarding my child? He's the type that believes everyone should be friends and I do not want to be friends with anyone. I just want to keep it strictly about our child and that's it nothing more and nothing less.

Suzique's picture

How long before new N supply passion fades?

May 2, 2013 - 5:11am — Suzique

Is there a time frame when a new N relationship occurs before the love bombing fades for her? My XN has had yet another relationship with a new victim, this one being different as she has now moved in with him already, only been dating since end of january, she has uprooted her daughter & left family & friends behind to live with this perfect man. (I was married to him & together for 19 years of torment & tears but not realizing he was a narc!). My XN has told her everything I was told in the love bombing stage & is supposedly the happiest he has ever been in his life. (this hurts so much but now I am aware of his traits I understand more & can adjust my thinking), they constantly caress one another openly in public & I see a fake man putting on a show parading her around.

goldie's picture

What do I do if I cannot access the site?

April 7, 2013 - 6:25am — goldie

I cannot access the site after 3 failed password attempts.

getting there's picture

trying to understand

March 13, 2013 - 9:14am — getting there

Iv been reading all the blogs and posts and although a lot of the questions and replies i see simularities to a lot of what iv been through and feeling right now im still a bit unsure as to whether my x is or was an N.
He is suffering from depression and sees a therapist on a regular basis.. I tried to help and hated how his depression affected him.. Things werent going well for us as he was married when we met and the usual she doesnt understand blah blah..

suhlig's picture

How do you deal with the emotional and verbal abuse..

March 9, 2013 - 10:19pm — suhlig

we were married for 23yrs, the last 6 were HELL... the first 17yrs he taught me to stand up for myself, don't take any crap..treated me like a princess.. then 6 yrs ago he broke his back and died.. they revived him and he is fine now. except his personality changed...
My question is " How do I get the horrible things he called me and said to me out of my head... I have been working really hard to try to re build my self esteem.. but those words, and put downs keep popping up..

JordyPooh's picture

Why is NC so hard?!

February 22, 2013 - 9:15pm — JordyPooh

I feel dumb. I did so well with no contact the first time but we ended on a bad note and I changed my #, making it easier.

Now that he's back and he's feedling me this crap, I feel sorry for him. . . I KNOW its happening. The manipulation, making me fall for him again. I thought I would be alright, now that I'm aware of npd and with the help of the birth of my daughter, have moved on. . . But why am I still excited to get a text from him? Why do I want to talk to him? Because I'm lonely?

He tells me how sorry he is, how bad he misses us... I know that it has to be b.s. he would have never left if being w us is what he wanted. Its about control. The ONLY reason he summoned me. To get to me. To get me to talk to him again and it worked.

Not Sure's picture

Are narcs generally fun, charismatic people?

February 19, 2013 - 7:57am — Not Sure

I've read through the narc characteristic traits. But what I'm curious about, are they the kind of people who are usually very charismatic and seem fun as a first impression? Are they very self confident? Or has that not really got anything to do with a narc specifically?

leslieisback's picture

Why do we try to believe a liar even when we know they are lying?

February 5, 2013 - 6:38pm — leslieisback

I am still questioning why he lied to me. Rather than wondering why, I should just understand that he has lied and will continue to lie like always. I am always trying to dismiss the lies.

Why do we defend them?
Why can't I just realize he was a liar and cheater and I should be happy to be rid of him?
Why is he still in my head?
Why do I still love him?

Jaw42's picture

Jealousy

January 31, 2013 - 7:41am — Jaw42

I have another question, if someone can answer?
As i stated in prior question , my exN has to go by my house when going to work. As things got bad and i saw him for what & who he really is i started making new friends and even went out a few times on a date. One night i had my date over and the N (who was in the process of discarding me)started texting me saying "i see u r busy" then the next day calling asking who was over etc.. I felt at this point no need to LIE to HIM so i told the TRUTH that i had a date . My question is this....if the Narc is discarding you Are they or do they get jealous if you move on? He was VERY aggitated.