I met my N 3 years ago nearly to the day. We met on an internet dating site and my God, did he sweep me off my feet. I fell in love with him so quickly, he was everything I had ever wanted in a man...romantic, attentive and accomodating. Within 4 months he was living with me and my children, his children visited every week. Then I began to realise that things were not as they seemed. He still seemed obsessed with his ex-wife and what she did to him. Over time, I began to challenge him and then he turned - he was cruel, cold and behind my back planned his exit. One night he came home and told me he was leaving. He had arranged somewhere else to live, to move his belongings all within a week.
And so, devasted, I began to reflect. He had told me I had treated him so badly, he told me I had left him no choice. That I should have accepted the fact that he was not truly over his ex-wife and given him time. It was all my fault. And yes, I began to see, in my total heart broken state, that this was my fault - then I wanted him back. We saw each other intermittently over the ensueing months - he told me no-one compared to me, he didn't realise how much he loved me until he left. Until 3 days before I was due to go on holiday with my children, he called me to dump me "I need time to be a man" - really? More like he had found new supply. So I told him that was it, I would never contact him again. 6 weeks later, I get a text....I miss you, I miss us, I miss our kids being together. And yes, what do I do? I take him back.
This time it is an enslaught of romance and promises. We planned to move into a house together and by the following April so we did. The rest is history. This man used his children to manipulate his way out of it this time. He as sick and cruel to me, projecting and devaluing to the extreme. In the meantime, he had cultivated a relationship with NS - the final blow was when he decided to leave our home on my birthday.
But still, I find myself doubting that he hasn't now found his ideal love and whilst I would never want him back and more damaged than I have ever been in my life. It's now been 6 weeks with NC - I have written the letter that I will never send and done some research and loads of reading to help me process it all but still grieve for the "idea of him". He actually told me this "you are in love with the idea of me", well who gave me that idea....he did.