Hang on to your seats. . . This is one helluva bumpy ride!
I was involved with my narc for a number of years. Knew him locally through friends. He was dating someone else when we met, they broke up, I slept w/him, he decided to date another woman. I was gutted. Felt used. But decided it was for the best if he could treat me that way.
Fast forward 2 yrs. when his girlfriend broke up with him. He came to me for NS. For a year and a half, when his girlfriend would cut the NS umbilical cord, he'd come to me and I'd relent, thinking at some point he would stay with me. Lather, rinse, repeat. I fell deeper and deeper in love. The more nice/jerk he was, the more I fell.
Finally, he and the girlfriend split for good after becoming engaged for 3 months. He came back to me after a period of mourning over the girlfriend but kept me at arm's length by saying he didn't want a relationship. I resisted sex for a while, gave in, then felt foolish.
Then I resisted for a solid year.
Finally I broke down in November after a couple of failed relationships where the men also told me, "I like you but I guess I don't want a relationship." These were nice guys, and I figured if they didn't want a relationship, no one would. So, I also figured I might as well go back to the narc. Better the devil you know, right?
Basically I gave up on men entirely. Feeling lonely and sexually deprived, I let the narc have his NS. For me, it was supply, too, although ultimately unsatisfying because I still wanted a relationship with someone.
I *really* wanted one with the narc. I loved him. We laughed so much and he actually asked questions about me like he cared about me -- something I never got from my ex-husband or other boyfriends.
In Dec he left to work in another country for the winter. He invited me to visit him there. I was shocked at the invite -- it seemed such a big step for him! So, of course, I jumped at the chance.
He sent me love notes beforehand via email -- something he'd never done. We had a wonderful trip. I returned here and only heard from him sporadically.
He returned in Feb due to unforseen circumstances. He was at times available and at times aloof. I was perpetually confused. Then he gave me a speech about how he still wasn't over his girlfriend who'd left him 2 years ago and how he still didn't want a relationship.
I put my foot down. I said, "If two years and a great vacation didn't work for that, I give up on you. I'm hanging my jock and hitting the showers. I'm DONE."
We agreed to be friends.
The next week I saw a post on his fb wall, "Miss you already!" This was from a woman I didn't know. It was also exactly what I texted him when I'd left our vacation a month and a half prior.
A week after that, he sends a proxy to the pub we would hang out at. The proxy says he met the girl a week after I left the vacation. He met her in the foreign country while she was on vacation and she lives in the US. Not only that, she's rich, beautiful, tall, wonderful. She and my NS have sex "constantly" and are now with each other 24/7.
I am basically tossed out like an empty gin bottle.
A week after *that* I find out he married the woman.
Now. . . it's been a month and a half of nc. Not that he would care to hear from me anyway.
I am gutted and confused. How could he tell me for *years* he didn't want a relationship, pay for me to come on vacation, write me wonderful things, come home, meet someone else, then marry *her*???
My head is spinning like Linda Blair in The Exorcist. My brain is short circuiting. Ugh. I am so glad I found this board!!!