How do you find out if the NC is cheating?

jay_blue's picture
July 9, 2012 - 10:23pm — jay_blue

Are there any red flags or signs for realizing if my "N" boyfriend is cheating? I have a feeling in my conscious now and then about certain things he is saying...I feel like what he says sometimes are not true, and if I was to question him, he would flip the conversation on me, and pick a fight with me some how or some way. I've heard other woman talk about experiences they have been in the past with controlling men that resemble my boyfriend. Each story I have heard they end up saying that they found out that they were cheated on by them, i would like to find this out for myself but I dont think he can ever get caught in any kind of act. Narc's are smart, I know that much...and they can out smart people with a blink of an eye..but I know there are techniques that I can master to out smart him, as well as, catching him in his tracks!!
I know you have a busy website going on and this might not even be "goldie" but i really would appricate if some one can get back to my question... I am only 19 years old and ive been in this crazy realtionship for almost 3 years. Ive disapeared two times already, and ended up coming back. I know I need help.

Comments

baab's picture

for a narc fidelity is akin

July 17, 2012 - 3:38pm — baab

for a narc fidelity is akin to castration.....sorry but they just cannot do it......its not personal it is their mentality...u cud b miss world they will still hunt new prey...constantly

jay_blue's picture

I am interested on what you

July 10, 2012 - 10:24pm — jay_blue

I am interested on what you said with his eating and sleeping habits. I dont know if this has anything to do with being a narcissist. But my boyfriend eats maybe one small meal for one day or maybe even days..he's very skinny and does not eat nor sleep. He can have enough sleep just from one or two hours asleep. Maybe about a year ago, I was very concerened as to why he doesnt eat enough or sleep enough.. he told me "I do not eat or sleep alot so I will not have energy" I asked him why wouldnt you want to have energy? he repleied "because if i have energy I will hurt you"...after that conversation he never brought that up ever again and neither did I. It was almost as if he didnt want to say that but he did and now basically we act like that never even happend. Our relationship is confusing on tooo many levels!
And I would love love love to follow him or snoop in some other car but the problem about that is he has me in the palm of his hand. He knows where i am at all times, he calls or texts me periodically to check up on me to see what i am doing exacatly. If he is being really suspicious he will ask me to send him my location. In the past i used to have to send him my location every 10 to 15 minutes everyday but now it is just when he thinks "im being fishy"

I really would like to hire a private investigator but idk how i would go about hiring one..if anyone knows any information on that it would be great!!

cdngemini's picture

BE SAFE

July 11, 2012 - 7:04am — cdngemini

I know this is hard, and when I saw that you were only 19, my heart sank for you.
My dear, you have your whole life ahead of you......please don't waste another moment on someone like this. Trust your gut, trust YOU.

Do what you need to. I have never gone into anyone's phone or followed them, but I did it. And why, because I HAD to know. I had to.

To this day I'm in shock over the lies, I'm in shock over all the women, but LISTEN to what they say. They are actually telling you things without your realizing it.

My N would always say "Its all about perception" "I am who I am" "I will die alone" "I'm scared" "I want to change, but I am who I am"

LISTEN - they are actually telling you things because at the end of the day it's all about them.

take care - be save

baab's picture

this is very true...listen to

July 17, 2012 - 3:40pm — baab

this is very true...listen to your instincts they r our protection mechanism.....run like the wind in the opposite direction.....please...

Lovely1's picture

PIs are expensive. I would

July 10, 2012 - 10:58pm — Lovely1

PIs are expensive. I would have hired 4 if I could have. Funny that he thinks ur fishy when he most probably is. I had the same issue. He was scared that I would hurt him when he had done things to me before like playing me and his ex at the same time coz maybe he couldn't choose.
So instead I did my own investigations etc thru the pc and found bits and pieces. Nothing major but enough to get pissed off and use it against him.

goldie's picture

This is Goldie

July 10, 2012 - 4:39pm — goldie

A Private Detective will tell you that, just about all the time when they are hired to check on a b/f or gf to see it they are cheating; they are. If you think someone is cheating on you, most of the time they are. Our instincts are our best gauge.

So now what, you are with a Narc who is most likely cheating on you; now what are you going to do or what do you want to do?

So you find out by tracking or trailing him, then what? Is this about proving yourself right or getting yourself strong enough to get out of a bad situation?

Narcs do not change and the majority of them cheat because they require new supply as they easily grow bored.

We do not generally recommend techniques in order to catch a cheater, rather recovery from one.

If you are looking to bag him, hire a Private Detective OR google the subject. This is not an area in which we engage. This site is about understand the Narc traits so you can stop blaming yourself and get out and healing from the damage of an abusive relationship.

God bless,
Goldie

Mycutefrenchie's picture

Could his new supply have switched from me to his son?

July 29, 2012 - 10:53am — Mycutefrenchie

hi,

My hisband use to be kind and caring, ina bubble, but still he was kind. he let me run the show as he is not a doer, I am.

Now he blames me for everything, has decided to be a more present father to his son and has reconnected with the mother, who was a major cow and control freak! I am now tossed aside and told to mind my own business, period!

Wtf???

jay_blue's picture

He could be cheating on me

July 10, 2012 - 10:32pm — jay_blue

He could be cheating on me but then again he couldnt be, i am not sure. I want to find out so I will be strong enough to get out of this sick relationship. I know I shouldnt be in this relationship because he mentally abuses my way of thinking and controls almost my every move. If I was to find out that he was cheating or up to no good it would help me wake up and relazie he is no good for me. I already know from now, that if I do not find any dirt on him I dont think i'll leave him, unless he makes me so mad where i cant take it. Ive attempted to leave him twice. The first time lasted a week. The second time (which was recent) lasted 6 weeks.. Each time i had no connections with him what so ever but I was the one who came back to him, and fell right back into the hole; At times I feel like it is me who is the one who is wrong in the realtionship and other times I feel like he is the one who will never change and has definite issues. My feelings for my boyfriend are very wishy washy ... and lately i really feel like he doesnt care anymore we dont talk as much as we used to or see eachother as much..it really seems like the only time we talk is when he wants to know where i am or what im doing. and when i see him it is because i keep annoying him that i want to see him or when we actullay spend time together (which is very rare and is more then 30mintutes together, which is usally the average time amount i see him,in a car!) we have sex in a hotel and then go are separate wayss.. and thats because thats what he chooses to do. He says that he would rather lay by me and share love together then be anywhere else....

goldie's picture

You already have your answers

July 11, 2012 - 10:00am — goldie

If he rarely see's you now and he is a Narc, yes there is someone else or many others depending on his m/o.

What you need now is to become strong enough to stop yourself from settling for less. Read the step book and begin to understand what he is and how he is not going to be able to fill your needs.

Keep posting and work on you to see the truth.

God bless,
Goldie

jay_blue's picture

m/o?

July 11, 2012 - 6:45pm — jay_blue

m/o?

goldie's picture

short for "modus operandi"

July 12, 2012 - 9:15pm — goldie

short for "modus operandi"...a person's way of doing things or their style; their former patterns are an indicator of future behavior.

Goldie

cdngemini's picture

Jay Blue

July 10, 2012 - 11:50am — cdngemini

Turn into a detective. You have no choice. You also need to go with what your "gut" is telling you. TRUST YOU!

Notice a change in his eating habits, in his sleep habits. When they change it could mean they are short on supply.

Pay attention to the time he goes over (if he doesn't live with you). How much he's on his phone.

If you need to - get his password and go into it while he's sleeping.

That's what I did - I followed him with my friends car, I went into his phone late at night before he had time to delete everything.

Remember ONE thing - they think they are smart - but they aren't.........................

keep your ears and eyes open. Good luck sweetie