How to deal with a Narc when you have kids

LoveTamara's picture
July 21, 2012 - 1:25pm — LoveTamara

My husband and I have been separated for over a month now. We have a 5 year old son and I am 8 months pregnant with our second. I caught him cheating and left thinking he would follow and try to fix things, this is before I discovered he was a Narc.

He was lying the whole time telling me it was over between them and that he loved me but need some time to get things back on track before baby gets here. I believed him until I went to our house after he got of work and the OW was there!!!! All of mine and my sons belongs are still there! 3 hours before this he was texting me how much he missed me and our son!

Of course now that he can't deny it because I caught him red handed he turned evil. Said nasty things to me about being with her and I slapped him in the face and left. Got a call about an hour later from the cops saying he called for domestic violence. Case is now pending.

Anyways I am so unsure what to do with this unborn baby coming. We are still married...I have filed for child support for my son because I am unemployed, He was my only income. I can file for divorce and he hasn't yet. I don;t know if i should tell me when i have her, have him there or just forget about it.

He has seen our son 3 days out of the last 3 weeks!

Comments

goldie's picture

I'm a bit confused as to your question

July 21, 2012 - 2:25pm — goldie

Not sure what:

I don't knowif I should tell me when I have her, have him there or just forget it.

Means. I don't understand the question.

Also, do you still consider the house your residence or are you somewhere else now?

Does he have a decent income? If so, find a lawyer who will bill HIM directly for your services seeing as he was supporting you. See about getting an order to have HIM removed from the house so that you may reside there or at the very LEAST retrive your items.

Basically what I am saying is, you DO NOT want him to be able to prove a case in the future that it was YOU and not him who deserted the marital home. Even if you are not allowed in the home due to the alledged "abuse" you STILL need an attorney to file on your behalf that YOU are NOT deserting the marital home. Be smart here, do NOT allow him to play you anymore than he already has.

Get advice from an attorney ASAP. Many of them will consult with you for free and the laws vary from state to state.

Do NOT tell him you are doing this. Keep quiet until you have consulted with an attorney and tell them everything he has done so they have a clear picture.

God bless,
Goldie

LoveTamara's picture

Goldie

July 21, 2012 - 3:12pm — LoveTamara

I have left the house, We are staying with my mom until we (my son and I) can get a place of our own. I will have to go back to get our things soon but up until two days ago I thought we were taking some time apart but still working on making things okay, I never seen a reason to get our things. I can't afford the house with no income and I know he will not pay the rent for sure.

I really have no choice but to leave it. I will be taking a police escort to get out things soon. My husband will be at work so they shouldn't be a problem.

My question with the baby is should I tell him when I go to have her or not? We already have a son so I feel like if I don't he will have a relationship with our son but not daughter. How do I explain that to her when she gets older?

I do really see him fading from my sons life soon anyways so it may not matter. He has not put in much effort to see him so far.

goldie's picture

I am sorry, I just do not know enough about your situation

July 21, 2012 - 4:54pm — goldie

To answer such an important question here. Is this man violent? Is he a good father otherwise? Has he expressed an interest in your pregnancy? I understand he has not seen much of your son, however, I have no way of knowing if this may change as custody arrangements are made and you both become more settled. Some continue to want to see their children and some do not. I don't know your story and much about him.

Do you want him there? How do you feel about all of this. You know him better than I do at this point.

I cannot answer this question without many many more details and ultimately it is not my question to answer.

God bless,
Goldie