How can narc ex totally cut our daughters out of his life?

alarmbelle's picture
June 11, 2012 - 4:33pm — alarmbelle

I split with my narc ex 3 yrs ago. Although I left him I struggled to come to terms with my grief. The man I lost did not exist, my pain was all in vain. After being told about narcisstic abuse my healing process started. The part I still struggle with is how he refuses to have any contact with the girls, never acknowledges their birthdays or even stops his car to speak to them. It is beyond my understanding how he can live with himself. To top it all he has a girlfriend with 2 children of her own and they now have a baby together. How can he not love our girls. Does he lovd her children and the new baby? It hurts so much as my girls mean the world to me.

Comments

goldie's picture

There is no difference to him

June 12, 2012 - 9:35am — goldie

Between you are the girls. They do not feel and love as we do. A narc is a narc is a narc. They do not pick and choose who they love. They do not love any of us. They do the delighted to be with you dance of manipulation to suck you in and then they degrade, devalue, and desert you all.

Narcs do not do intimacy, if you think they are; you are seeing their mask and when you can no longer take it and they know you are tired of them, they move on to new unsuspecting supply and they are done with you for now. They grow easily bored, they are like little boys.

Until new supply does not pan out and they recycle old supply.

Of course he does not love her, her children, and new baby, it is the same deal as with you.

It's new and she puts up with his crap for NOW, and when she doesn't anymore or grows bored with her, he'll be back to you to tell how sorry he is he screwed up and really loved you all along.

My son's Dad was a Narc and when I kicked him out, I did not hear from him for years until all his new supply had dried up and he had the balls, yes he did, to show up years later to say he was sorry, lol. I was all set by then, all I had left for him was my wrath. I was pissed that he had deserted our son for 12 years. There was nothing left for him at my well, the well was completely dry for him. So eventurally he secured new wealthy supply and today they are married.

I don't care at all, at least he is out of our lives.

You can cry about this for years if you choose to, I know I cried for a long time as well. The best choice and solution if for YOU to accept what he is and lose the expectation.

I understand this is difficult and as I said, I have been there myself, however, it is the only way for you to put the past to bed and get on with your life for your sake and the sake of your girls.

He is NOT, NEVER going to be who and what you want him to be, it is not going to happen in this lifetime.

This is difficult because he "pretended" for so long with you and the cognative dissonance sets in and it makes it difficult to wrap your brain around the two people you see in him.

Face it, he is NOT who you thought he was now or ever and he is not going to be any different with the new one.

He is who and what he is.

Keep reading and keep posting and try to understand the way it is.

They don't love anyone. The are actors, fake, not real.

God bless,
Goldie

alarmbelle's picture

Why has he isolated himself?

July 1, 2012 - 5:59am — alarmbelle

Since I left my narc ex he has cut off our children and the 2 he had from his previous relationship. He will not have any contact with his family, has never introduced his new woman to any of his kids, even though she has kids of a similar age. He could not wait to introduce me to his kids when we first met. Why is he hiding this woman. I heard he never attends family parties etc either. His mom said she had never seen him the way he was with me with anyone else ever. His life has gone on a rapid downward spiral since I left. I am totally no contact now with his mom who was the last link. Even she never bothers with her grand kids, hurtful regarding the girls, but good for me ref no contact. I am very confused as to why he is living in such a bubble. Could it be extreme narc injury?

goldie's picture

No, not likely

July 3, 2012 - 12:38pm — goldie

Narcs compartmentalize .He is on to something new for NOW and he DOES NOT want HER to hear the TRUTH form you or the kids making an innocent comment.

They do this all the time, vanish for awhile, until...........

He wants something OR he gets Narc Injury from HER because she begins to see him with his mask down.

Then he will be back to tell you that YOU are still the love of his life. Give him time it will happen. He will use YOU as the triangle to piss off you and HER for the triangle to piss off and hurt YOU.

That type of thing for a Narc is a win win, because then he plays one family off the other.

He does not need to do this YET because he is still PREENING her.

Just wait and see and hopeuflly by then YOU will not take the bait.

All in a day in the life of a Narc.

Keep reading, you are almost getting it. Takes awhile to fully grasp the depths of their mind games.

Be good to you and your children and try to let go of the comparisons because that is NOT what is going on here, it is not about who it better, simply who is NEW SUPPLY for now.

God bless,
Goldie

alarmbelle's picture

Bolt from the blue

July 3, 2012 - 4:55pm — alarmbelle

Last year I got a phone call from narc out of the blue, after 2 yrs NC saying he had kicked his girlfriend out, and he said awful things about her children. He told me to come & see for myself that her stuff was outside. This was all because he found out I was back in employment & thought he may be able to benefit from this. when he saw I wasnt going to be hoovered they got back together in a flash, I found out she was pregnant a few months later. She must have either been pregnant at that time or as soon as they got back together.

alarmbelle's picture

Bolt from the blue

July 3, 2012 - 4:55pm — alarmbelle

Last year I got a phone call from narc out of the blue, after 2 yrs NC saying he had kicked his girlfriend out, and he said awful things about her children. He told me to come & see for myself that her stuff was outside. This was all because he found out I was back in employment & thought he may be able to benefit from this. when he saw I wasnt going to be hoovered they got back together in a flash, I found out she was pregnant a few months later. She must have either been pregnant at that time or as soon as they got back together.

alarmbelle's picture

It takes a while to sink in

June 12, 2012 - 1:10pm — alarmbelle

Thank you Goldie, sorry you went through it too. They are so convincing at the start. He put me on a pedastool I did not ask to be put on. As soon as the children came along he changed so dramatically I thought it was just a phase. That is why I stayed with him. The emotional abuse was so bad I simply flipped 1 day and walked out while he was at work. He begged me to come back, I had no more trust or any more to give. I was drained. As you say a narc is a narc is a narc, I must remind myself everytime I have ludicrous ideas about him treating anyone with genuine love,
Thanks again x
Xxx