I find it very difficult to write my story here, as it all sounds very similar to what I've read. First of all, thank you for accepting me. I am still in the denial/unsure stages I believe.
My story begins 6.5 years ago. I was one of three members of a band with my brother and a long-time friend and friend of the family. He was dating and eventually married at the time to a woman he had left his first wife for. We were all very good friends, best friends. On January 3, 2006, I had jaw surgery. Three days later he left his current wife and told her that he was in love with me. This started six years or so of hell. I was unsure how I felt but I told him he had to deal wtih his life before we could be. He sold his house and moved her out and we began dating. Things were great for about six weeks! I was the best thing that had ever happened to him, he was SO in love with me, loved what I wore and how I wore my hair and my nails and said if I didn't want him he'd live alone but that he couldn't live a lie wtih his wife anymore. AFter the initial six weeks, he started to change. I noticed a bit of withdrawal here and there and I tried to address it. Within a day or two of sensing this, he tearfully agreed to meet me and told me he was so confused. He told me that all he sees in his mother's eyes was disappointment cuz he had left his wife. He told me he didn't know how he felt and asked me to give him some time. Needless to say I was devastated. After going thru a divorce three years ago after being with a man for 18 years and having a son who was only four, the six weeks I had had with him were life changing. I had hope!!! I was going to be HAPPY! He understood me! He loved my son! I couldn't think of a better person for me! I loved everything about him....except for the fact that he left me 100 times (that's when i quit counting) in the first YEAR. He always came back. Either I contacted him or he contacted me within a few days. (I was quite pathetic, still am but not as bad as I used to be.) If he didn't call, I was nervous, agitated, depressed. I stayed at my computer afraid to leave in case an email came through. I checked my phone a million times. How could he just turn so cold. Like a light switch, he was off. He'd leave my house happy, and by the time he got home he was gone. Changed. Unhappy, confused, couldn't love me, didn't know what he wanted. I did this off an on for 6.5 years. My mother had cancer in the hospital and he was leaving me every few days then coming back. I booked a cruise for us, he backed out, and he never paid me his share. He ran up a $500 phone bill wiht me while I was on THE cruise he refused to go on and he never paid it. Approximately two years ago, he met someone else while we were broke up. He started a relationship wtih her. I was able to halfway understand how hard it was to leave his wife so I explained it away. But to turn to a total stranger...and accept her and give her more than he ever gave me. For his family to accept her and never me. He bought her things and I never got anything. He believed everything she said over what I said. He had always put me last after his mother, his freedom, his friends, everything. but all of a sudden she was #1. (Ok I feel like I'm rambling on here and I'm confusing you all...sorry!) That's the biggest thing, I think, that hit me from this website, is the confusion. Trying to figure something out that can't be figured out. Just when you think, okay, it's gonna be good now. Wham!!A knock upside the head. He's gone. And don't try to say, "You never gave us a chance." Cuz he'll return with "You think I gave my ex-wife a chance." Wow, talk about throw things in your face and use every secret he knew about me to hurt me. I've known for years that people just don't DO this. No one just stops caring in an hour, or overnight.
So, please. Someone tell me...help un-confuse me. I am terrified to say goodbye. I feel so dependent on him still. We are not married and do not live together so there are no "physical" ties (i.e. kids, personal property, etc.) He was just my boyfriend. But I met someone nice in these last few weeks and he feels threatened for the first time that I am moving on. He left his GF and now is begging me to come back. Saying no one loves me like he does, and he knows I love him too even though I've told him I can't do it anymore. He's really promised me everything I ever wanted, but I know its just to make me get rid of the nice man I've met (who knows we are not ready for a relationship). I've even had to tell my ex that the new guy was gone for him to back off cuz he was driving me crazy cuz I won't say yes.
So, please any opinions would be welcome as well as any advice on how to establish NC without feeling the guilt of abandoning my "friend." I am terrified that I will desperately need to hear from him and will go back. My parents and my son HATE him and would not accept him, and I do not want the life I would have with him. There is no trust, no respect, and I KNOW deep down he CANNOT feel love for me. If he can leave me so many times, if he can sleep with other women, if he can tell me if I don't like who calls him not to look at it, if he can let his family threaten me and then call me a liar....if he can leaave me wiht me begging and crying...there's NO way it can be love...can it?