Red One's story

2 posts / 0 new
Last post
#1 Jul 31 - 3PM
Anonymous (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

Red One's story

I met my N almost 6 years ago. Wow, did he knock me off my feet--my dream man in every way. He was gorgeous, sweet, kind, seemed to be caring and considerate, fun, romantic--the first six months were magical. Plus the lifestyle was intoxicating--trips all over the world. He seemed like my "soul mate"--whatever that means.

I started to notice controlling behavior around 4 months--he would blow up if I spoke to my ex-husband, he would stop in and check up on me, he didn't want me to see my friends--but by then I was hooked. The first few times he blew up did blow my mind-- the first bad one was in a restaurant in my city--with people around--where he yelled F-You and left the restaurant (this happens when I disagree with him or share my feelings). I did break it off--wrote him a letter saying that I will not accept being treated like that--I was just in shock that someone that supposedly loved me could be so cruel. BUT, I kept on taking him back--even though he has never apologized to me or taken any responsibility. He always says that it is my fault--that I "push his buttons" and need to learn how not to do that. He is constantly demeaning me and my feelings, my friends, my home--but still says he loves me. I feel like I'm going nuts. Another bad one happened this past monday--screaming at me on the golf course in front of his friends--throwing my property--even they were horrified. I am always so angry and hurt after one of these incidents (there must have been hundreds over the past 6 years--in varying degrees, and would be more if I didn't walk on eggshells)--but after a few days all I want to do is see him--I think it is an addication. I end up rationalizing it and thinking that he really does love me, but he has a personality disorder, so it really is not his fault. I hope I can find the strength to not go back to him again this time--that is why I am reaching out to others that have dealt with this awful disorder to see if I can learn how to do that. I feel like he is sucking the life out of me, but all I want to do is go back to him--I think I am the sick one.

Jul 31 - 5PM
Barbara (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

Red One

What you are feeling is the "trauma bonding" and brainwashing he did to you. You are NOT The sick one. These predators do not target SICK people. Click on MESSAGE BOARD on the left and read thru ALL the pages... your situation is common & normal and has been discussed MANY times on this board. Also click on BLOG and read the articles there for more. Welcome... ~~~~~~~~~~~~ Articles & information for abuse victims - Updated Daily Online Coaching for Victims of Narcissists/ Psychopaths