New here and would like some validation.

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#1 April 19, 2017 - 8:58pm

New here and would like some validation.

Hi all,
My ex boyfriend of 3 years just recently broke up with me seemingly out of the blue. This puzzled me and hurt me greatly, because by all accounts I was a great girlfriend. I loved him unconditionally and went above and beyond for him everyday. I had never looked into narcissism and just assumed it was someone who was into themselves. After further research I feel my ex may be one. When our relationship first began, he was perfect. He admired me and brought out the best in me, so much to the point my family and co workers were commenting on how radiant and glowing I was from so much joy in my life. Shortly after that things started to change. I have always been independent but I found myself ending up in situations that put me solely dependent on him. He took a job out of state and told me he would not go unless I went and wanting to be supportive I quit my job and went with him. He made enough money up there to where I did not have to work. I became reliant on him for money. I was isolated and had no one but him. He has always had a problem with alcohol and substance abuse. It became more prevalent up there. Fast forward to the last year of our relationship and we were looking for a place to live back in our home state. I again put my needs aside and reluctantly moved to an area I did not want to (due to the crowd of peers he had on this side of town) and that's when things became the worst they have ever been. Mind you, the entire relationship up to this point was filled with verbal and emotional abuse. And very nasty at that. I found myself chasing after him at different bars atleast 2x a week begging him to come home, many nights he did not come home at all. Then after that would occur, he would either take me on a date or vacation to "make it up" to me and promise he would straighten up. I just recently found out he had cheated on me multiple times during the last year of our relationship. I literally did everything for this man. Only asked for him to love and respect me. He broke up with me out of the blue, and I have discovered that there were other girls in the picture before the split. I would cry, beg, plead with him to work things out and he would always tell me "I don't want you" or "I just have my doubts about us" or just what I wanted to hear or just enough to keep me holding on depending on my reactions to our conversations that day. I feel as though he does that to keep me on the back burner as a "just incase". I know this seems very silly that I can't let go of him, and I still want him back. I'm not sure what I even miss about him honestly. I have started reading the book "the path forward" and in my mind he meets every criteria for a narcissist. Any words of advice or affirmation are welcomed. Thanks for reading!

April 20, 2017 - 12:08pm

Get out

From your story, you need to realize that you don't want this type of person in your life... We all know what you mean by not letting go, you still have that hope that this person may change, let's say he does for a few months or years (which seems very unlikely) but they always go back to their own ways and then you have lost even more time and you would have fallen even deeper into denial. Know you know he has cheated and now he knows you took him back regardless, he will never change and you need to move on... I hope the best for you, it'll be painful, it will take time but it is something you'll have to do if you want a life for yourself.

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