Narcissist Blocked My number

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#1 February 16, 2017 - 10:03am

Narcissist Blocked My number

My narc ex just blocked me last night. Two weeks ago, I initiated No Contact. He would not leave me alone and was begging me. I caved two days ago... I answered his text. Just to tell him goodbye again. Then he said I was cut off. So last night I sent him chocolates because I felt bad for telling him goodbye. Then I text him... he said leave me alone forever. I tried to apologize, he said text me one more time and you're blocked. I called and then he blocked me. I wanted to say something nasty to him but I couldn't. I feel like he may have unblocked me but I don't want to check. I feelso helpless and worthless. He was just begging me not to leave two weeks ago... now he actually blocked me?!! I didn't think he really would... I know he has a new supply. He won't ever admit it to me, but I figured it out over a month ago. I can't stop thinking about him and obsessing. I don't know what to do. I just feel like I'm in a pit of emptiness. I also have BPD so I go back and forth between loving him and hating him. I have a feeling he may have unblocked me but I am too scared to text him
Again and try to find out. I sent a text that said whatever dude. That he's a piece of trash. That I'm way out of
His league and I laid out some insults to the things he's most insecure about. It didn't go through bc I was blocked. I want to send it again but I'm not sure what would happen. My head is spinning and my thoughts are circulating. He was just begging me not to leave, he's never that before. He actually blocked me! I'm so hurt and empty.

February 18, 2017 - 10:46am

Sorry for your pain and confusion

This is how most of us feel when we first come here, hurt, confused, angry, less than, powerless to fix things, struggling to let go and then struggling to reengage. You are not alone, sounds like you have been on this merry go round for awhile now. I go over what you are describing in my blog, the hoover is not a complement in terms of how when they feel you pulling away they beg for your attention and then dump you. A narcissist likes to be in control and have the last word. I admire your willingness to own your part in this dance of the toxic relationship. You admit you push his buttons and then he pushes yours and you struggle to let go. Most of us do what you describe in varying degrees as a feeble attempt to keep them engaged and with us, yet many are not ready to see their own part in the game. You on the other hand are on board with your role. Self awareness is a piece of recovery yet it is not enough all by itself in getting out and staying out as many have found. Many have been on the forums for a long time and still go back so reading and knowing is only one piece of the puzzle. The biggest piece is to have a plan for self protection and ultimately healing and surrounding yourself with people who support and understand your struggle in what many describe is the most difficult and painful thing they have ever had to do, get away from and stay away from the narcissist. Staying with them is an endless pit of mind games and heartache. The bottom line and I'm sure you know somewhere deep down is this man is never going to meet your needs. It's tempting to stay in the game and blame yourself. Frankly this is one of the many excuses we use to avoid the pain of leaving. It must be my fault and if I try harder I can fix this. There is no cure here and there is nothing to fix in them. They stay the same regardless to what we do. We fix ourselves. We fix the part of us which still may believe on some remote level that somehow we are responsible or we deserve this treatment because it is triggering childhood "love" feeling orientations from our primary caregivers or in some cases other reasons. The time is here for you to look at you and begin to learn and practice self love and self care. Much love, Goldie xo

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