Krumkauger's Story

Finding this site has been the light at the end of my tunnel. I was with my bf/narc. for over 1 1/2 years. Did see some red flags about him however realized he was just quiet at times, reserved etc.

ONe year into the relationship, he offered me a job as his CIO. I must say we work very well together and I am one of 3 top Directors reporting to him. He continually told me (and still does) how PROUD he is of me, how much people love me, how smart I am and he swells with pride seeing me at work everyday.

Problem for me was yes, I am very good at work and what I do however I knew how to turn it off after hours. He never did.

Reading the posts from so many other women I sat here with my jaw dropped. The quiet stare he had, the total recoil into his own "space" all the time - being told I was not "doing all I needed to sexually" to make him happy - being told I didn't know how to "treat" a man correctly. ON the other hand I was everything he ever wanted. Beautiful, intelligent, independent, talented, and his very own pure hearted "girl-next-door" type.

He was 12 years older than I, but since I was 40, that age didn't matter to me. He was the most intelligent man I've ever know outside my family.

Then bad things...he has an addiction to pain mediciation. Various dr's to get different things. (red flag but he ALWAYS had an excuse...he was the owner of a comapny and coudln't let the insurance know about certain pills...couldn't have it on "record" so he paid cash) I believed him and tried to pursuade him to go to therapy. I mean he would pop 8 15mg oxycodone a day or more. PLUS he's drink on top of that.

I could tell when he was "high" as he would go to work, and people there thought he was just ecclectic (strange ifyou ask me) and focused. He blinked his eyes constantly (For those who have seen this sloooow repetative blink, you know what that is).

His moods fluctuated everyday almost. From so incredibly happy to be with me, I was making him a better man etc. to total silence for hours, days and then acting as if nothing was wrong.

No empathy at all.
So rude to waiters and people that he even complained to restaurants to turn the music down and sit us away from ALL people because he coudn't stand being by them.

His anger grew to where no-one was allowed to talk to him in the hallway at work, don't disrupt him, don't email him..he's SOOO busy all the time.

I just left him alone.

I knew many times I should break up with him and my happy disposition was slipping away.We never went anywhere together as he worked every weekend and wanted me to just "be" there at his house incase he wanted me.

So now, I work for his company. He broke up with me over a phone call and then followed up with an email to my home and work address. Nothing face to face.

I went into work Monday morning, stayed TOTALLY professional and had to accept that it was over. He put a suitcase under my desk and my clothes in a bag in my filing cabinet because he was trying to make it easy for me. I kept my mouth shut.

He has since written me and told me so many times now how proud he is of me, I've handled this so extremely well and he doesn't want me to cut him out of his life. My job is secure (and does pay well I may add and since bad economy the SMART thing is to stay and do my job. No other positions here in the area).

OF course I am looking for other work, however haven't told him that at all. I said I will be professional and do my job. I do not remain friends with past loves as he does with EVERY SINGLE one and calls texts them frequently. It is all about him I see that.

I know I will be a better person yet this guy has said "This is the only way I know you will be happy. I am sad I am not the one to be there for you romantically anymore. I want to hug you but you'll have to do that yorself now. You're a grea person, Krumkaguer and i know there is a great guy out there for you...it's just not me". So NOW he thinks we're going to be buddy buddy.

Anyway - he's still lwriting me, texting me about his daily activities and telling me how great I am and how he cares so deeply for me but - HOW proud he is that I am moving on.

I want him to shut the F up and go away.

WOrk again this week - just trying to breahe in and out and move on.

I guess this was more of a vent but I know I am a strong woman and will do ok. I cry alot now from the disappointment of wasting my last few childbearing years with him. Two weeks ago he was making appts for fertility specialists and now I don't have him in my life anymore.

So up and down emotionally and confusing.

THanks for reading - who ever did. Any insights on how to keep moving forward without him taking credit for my good fortuine? He's just the type if I get a guy, he'll be like "Oh, he's a lucky guy - so happy for you Krumkauger".

I just want him to become a figment of my imagination and can't wait for him to go away like a puff of smoke.