Didnt Realize First Holiday Without Him So Hard

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#1 Nov 25 - 10PM
Lisateach
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Didnt Realize First Holiday Without Him So Hard

I have soent the last 5 Thanksgivings with my Narc...wow I did not expect tonight to be so hard. I was supposed to go out with friends, starting a new tradition..yet i could not . I did not want to be home , sad about him and windering why he is not feeling like i am right nie, kniwing we wont be together for Thanksgiving. I kniw in my head the answrr to this...i get it...i still hiwever find myself lost about it. I found comfort in sharing the jolidays with him and preparing fir them together...i do also have to ve honest with myself and admit those were the few times of the year things were any good with us...even then i realize now i was being manipulated and lied to. I dont want to obsess over these thoughts , ad i kniw i remain stuck...it is just hard with Thanksgiving being tomorrow. It a tually angers me to waste my energy on not being happy...and i constantly try to get unstuck...i was so close to calling him tonight..just to make the pain i feel ease a bit..but i did not and i wont...
I feel like i cannot continue to talk about this with my friends, as they all feel like he is such tradh and beneath me i should easily be moving on...only it is not that easy..and i am embarassed to feel saddness for the loss of what i thought i had...
Is it nirmal to feel like this these first holidays in 5 years apart..??

Dec 8 - 1PM
Lookforward
Lookforward's picture

It will get easier- the more