Brain waking up a little more everyday

I feel like the last few months of Richard have been so emotional. But I have been pushing myself in support groups therapy the GYM and letting myself be present and feel. Also my sons. I have to look to them. I can't let them grow up in a house where they hide from their own dad. When everyone walks on eggshells and everyone is pitted against each other for his amusement or needs or whatever twisted reason. Don't care. He hasent out us first and talked smack to all his relatives on how I ruined the relationship from some stupid ass text he found in my phone. Oh. Let's not mention years of emotionally sometimes physical and sexual abuse. He's a decade older then me. His emotional abuse has gotten more insidious as I am calling him out on his crap and setting up boundaries. Now I'm disposable of course. For the winter break he ran around like a dumbass. Broke as hell buying shit he can't afford. Then bullies me and guilts me. Now he wants to just move back in. At this point I don't even want him back! I pay all my bills have my and the kids schedules down. He don't help for shit. Just fake. Plus I don't want to work so hard to make shit right I know deep down I don't care anymore. I think that's one thing is ladies and empaths need to admit when we ain't feeling it anymore stand up and don't pretend as much as there are parts of the person you love nothing is worth walking on eggshells I was a ghost of my former self . I would cry at anything. Depressed gained so much weight. I almost lost my mind from the games and emotional abuse. Never again. He has potential and wants to change I just don't think he can. At least not w me and I'm ok with that. Educated smart pretty. Funny and amazing kids. My own house and car and career. I thought I was worthless and I was the problems. Tired of being triangulated over anyone and everyone. Have them! Dumbass.... ready to be free just scared of what he's gna try and do to hurt me since I'm not letting him get back in anymore.