Advice Needed

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#1 Feb 18 - 6AM
itsnotjustme
itsnotjustme's picture

Advice Needed

I am sorry if this is long......

My Narc ex is having another baby with his new partner - due in June. My 8 year old daughter was ok about this, a bit shaky but nothing major. THEN she overheard him shouting at me on the phone saying his evening was ruined as I was late home from work with traffic and he had to have our daughter a bit longer.

The next day at school she had tummy ache, threw up and was crying a lot for mummy. The teacher gathered this was a worry thing and advised she should talk with the liaision officer. It came out she was worried about the new baby.................since then however she has said that she heard her dad shouting and it brought bad memories back of the past (we had mediation previously because of his anger and behaviour, I had to stop him seeing our daughter while this was sorted...7 weeks in total). She has been sick at school several times and constantly complains of a tummy ache since then. She has been very clingy to me. Her dad thinks she needs more time with me...he has NEVER said that before and would never have admitted it.

Since then she has opened up about things that happen at daddy's house. She has been getting stressed before she goes there and is very angry and grumpy when she comes home.

She says his new partner is not nice to her, even more so when daddy is not around (nothing major just generally being off-ish I think). Her dad is 'angry with everyone' shouts at his partner, they argue a lot. He had an argument with his sister at xmas and told him to 'get away from his daughter' when she comforted her for being upset. Apparently our daughter and her cousin were shut in the kitchen while her daddy calmed down! He makes her sit and watch Friends on tv saying its grown up tv time, she is restricted how long her programmes are on for (I don't understand this as she is not there often and he has plenty of time for himself!). She is not allowed to bring her toys downstairs to play so can only play in her room.

She did not want a recent play-date with her friend at his house as she was worried he would lose his temper and the friend would tell their school friends that 'daddy is mean'. She said she was poorly with her tummy and stayed at home.

She generally feels uncomfortable and cannot tell him as she is intimidated by him .... as I used to be. She cannot even ask him to go to the park! I am scared to tell him what is wrong as he will go on the attack, get nasty, and I am worried how he will react when he has my daughter alone. I dont want her to clam up on me and think I have broken her trust.

She also says she hears his family talking about me which has upset her (not sure what they would have to say about me, I hardly talk to him as I know he picks the sinew from every conversation to see if he can use anything to paint me as a bitter ex). She is frightened for my new partner to see her dad. We saw his sister out shopping recently and Els did not say hello as she said 'Aunty Amy doesnt like you'. Its all just so horrible for her and it is hard to hear.

I said to her we can have a secret password that she can text me from her ipad if things get bad and I will make an excuse and collect her. She will only take the ipad when daddy says to otherwise she even seems scared to take it.

I don't know if our daughter is being over-sensitive because of the baby or if there is a major problem. She refused to go to her dads on Monday and this morning sat outside in our car crying about going. I said lets not take you then but she said she wants to see him and will never give up hoping he will change :(

He now is asking what I think is wrong......................I really do not know what to do!!! I am so scared of the effect this is all having on her. I am trying to arrange counselling for her as I think she feels dis-loyal talking to me about him. She is also really scared he will shout at me and we will argue.

Any advise from anyone who has been is a similar situation would be so appreciated

Thank you xx

Feb 26 - 7AM
Goldie
Goldie's picture

This is a common story