Harassment

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#1 Jul 28 - 4PM
Anonymous (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

Harassment

Barbara, Lisa... I need your advice (again)...

You know about my blog and how recently I received an email from a bogus account created in my name by my ex threatening me that he was going to smear my name if I didn't remove my tags...

Well he must have sent the link to some of his friends because I received an email today from a friend of his saying:

"The only thing you will accomplish with your blog is make yourself look crazy plus maybe a defamation of character lawsuit. I have know xxx since I was a kid, he's not perfect but who is? I'm absolutely astonished that someone would go to these lengths to inflict pain and drag their name through the mud. No one has the right to do that. The decent thing to do would be to pull it off the internet. Forgive, forget and move on. By having this blog it's making it harder for you to do just that.

If xxxxxxx did you wrong it will come back to haunt him in the future. Karma is a bitch."

My sister thinks I should take down the blog and move on, she thinks I shouldn't have splattered the whole thing there. I feel that if I take down the blog, it's like he won... yet again... I haven't replied to that email, I don't think I should. I am aware he is trying to scare me off using his own friends, but I can't say that it hasnt affected me.

What would be the right thing to do? Remove the tags, take the entire blog down? or stand up for myself and keep everything as it is?

Aug 27 - 8PM
Barbara (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

courtney - if he threatens you legally

while it seems Jane has moved her blog - for her own reasons... Please THOROUGHLY read this whole thread- he can't do SH*T to you if he's on the exposure sites. Not a damn thing. they all THREATEN legal action, right members? But remember - if he does? EVERYTHING HE'S DONE TO YOU AND PUT YOU THRU WILL ALSO COME OUT IN COURT AND BE A MATTER OF PUBLIC RECORD. And if he tries to email you threats (via an new email address) post them - expose him for the bully he is ~~~~~~~~~~~~ CLICK HERE: Articles & information for Narc Victims - Updated Daily "As soon as you feel that crazy sense of walking on eggshells, fending off N-rage, stop. Walk away." - Dr. M. B
Aug 5 - 7AM
grossot
grossot's picture

Jane - may i make a suggestion

He knows what he's doing. Never assume that a narc sees the truth and that is that you are not a doormat for him to walk all over. He will try something else. Mark my word. Suggestion: write down your reply and do not send it to him. Make your reply to him part of your journal. Keep him guessing. Fantasize about him itching to get supply from you. While a normal person would have felt your reply was sincere and standing up for yourself. He just saw it as food (supply) and he devoured it like any good vampire would. STOP the maddness. You are torturing yourself by having contact. Starve him! Be kinder than necessary to everyone you meet; for everyone is fighting some kind of battle - anonymous- :o) nolongercontrolled
Aug 2 - 2PM
Barbara (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

terrific Jane! Keep up the great work.

Jane - you dealt with him BEAUTIFULLY!! Keep up the terrific work! I particularly like this new post: http://sadlynomore.blogspot.com/2009/08/facing-facts.html Hang in there and keep writing - you never know how many women you may be helping! ~~~~~~~~~~~~ Articles & information for abuse victims - Updated Daily Telling the Truth about Psycho-Boy... and myself
Aug 5 - 7AM (Reply to #34)
grossot
grossot's picture

jane you are helping me

I read your blog and I'm glad you post. You letter is similar to a letter I got trying to con me into letting daughter go with him on a working vacation and in general the way he speaks to me when people are around. So it helps me to see that other good people are not going to stand for it. Thank you. Be kinder than necessary to everyone you meet; for everyone is fighting some kind of battle - anonymous- :o) nolongercontrolled
Aug 2 - 2PM
Carolyn
Carolyn's picture

Think about this. Put a

Think about this. Put a final comment on the blog saying he intimidated you, threatened a defamation lawsuit, and had some male friends contact you to menace and bully you. A lot of 'big' guns for such a little blog. So you feel you won-then shut it down. It is bringing you a negative emotional hit so it isn't worth the health problems. think of how you want to phrase it and then do it and fold your blog tent and steal away in the night. He is harmed so you won.
Jul 31 - 5AM
grossot
grossot's picture

JaneEverything he is and

Jane Everything he is and does he just projected on you in his email. Its a coping strategy for him. But you don't need to do that.you are human. You are the opposite of Narcissism. You don't need to accept what he's saying. He is a liar. You are not psychotic! I know that sounds silly but I literally needed friends and family to tell me that after my N projectile behavior. POST on blog! You go girl! Be kinder than necessary to everyone you meet; for everyone is fighting some kind of battle - anonymous- :o) nolongercontrolled
Jul 31 - 1AM
Barbara (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

Jane

seriously - PLEASE put your letter to him and his response on your blog... and what you learned from it. You will be educating and VALIDATING sooooo many victims! I made your mistake myself - and PsychoBoy simply tossed more accusations at me and never even read my answers... just ATTACKED. This is WHO THEY REALLY ARE: http://thestumblingblock.wordpress.com/2008/01/05/email-exchange-no-change-in-hate-unfortunately/ and right after this email exchange - he posted these things: http://thestumblingblock.wordpress.com/2008/01/12/lashon-hara-from-ywl/ Here's one the replies I got about my blog on Psycho-Boy and it applies to you too: Too much has gone on Barbara. He wants the truth covered up. If he had half a brain he’d have come to your house with 2 dozen roses 5 years ago and a huge, real apology. He was too busy making you out to be something you aren’t – a floozy. a scorned woman & a stalker. He’s a violent, abusive piece of crap who’s too self-centered and toxic to get out of his own way. Don’t you dare take this site down. It’s a testament to your courage & honesty. Feel free to link to my stuff to show how ALIKE THEY ARE. James also has a really good post on his blog too that you can link to also: http://james-personalitydisorder.blogspot.com/2009/02/they-have-friends-dont-they.html Jane I hope this STRENGTHENS YOUR RESOLVE TO KEEP THE BLOG ABOUT HIM UP!!! You have no reason to care what he thinks but that blog will give you the closure you need over time. This is about YOU not him. Who CARES what that nonhuman thinks? Take care of YOU - don't let ANYONE talk you into backing down and not speaking your truth. All I need to address is this lingering feeling of having been wronged, and the self-loathing for letting it happen and not walking away sooner. You did NOTHING WRONG. You are dealing with someone who seduces, brainwashes and mind controls 24/7... he's obviously been doing it his WHOLE LIFE and is ok with his remorseless behavior. As Lisa says "You did NOTHING WRONG." They target everything GOOD about you. Because they are so evil. "Pathologicals only discard the best, the most precious of gems of people... not the worst. They keep fellow abusers, fellow gossips & enabling, misguided lackeys close. They despise the strong, principled, decent & honest. Their discarding of you is then their highest commendation of your worth!" - A. Valerious ~~~~~~~~~~~~ Articles & information for abuse victims - Updated Daily Online Coaching for Victims of Narcissists/ Psychopaths
Jul 31 - 2AM (Reply to #29)
Jane (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

I have published it to my

I have published it to my blog: http://sadlynomore.blogspot.com/2009/07/harrassment.html#comments Jane http://sadlynomore.blogspot.com
Jul 31 - 9PM (Reply to #30)
James (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

Good news

Thanks Jane for updating your blog with this email. Abusers uses the tactics that work for them which is just more abuse. They remember how once they had control over their victims and believe they still do. But unless told and showed that any abuse will no longer be tolerated and we expect them to be held accountable for their actions they will just continue to use and abuse others. Also there is power in numbers so if any members want too please show support on Jane's blog. Jane you have all my support!!! We can stop the cycle of abuse whenever to come together in love and hope!!! God Bless for your work!!
Jul 31 - 2AM (Reply to #27)
Barbara (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

more for Jane

Jane I even have another article for your blog: http://thestumblingblock.wordpress.com/2008/01/05/the-courage-of-confrontation-and-accountability-contrasted-with-the-hostility-of-accusation-and-blame/ and a nice little picture to go with it: http://i296.photobucket.com/albums/mm189/mrsjingles57domestic/spkout.png
Jul 31 - 2AM (Reply to #28)
Jane (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

Thanks Barbara

Love the pic! Have used it in my post. Jane http://sadlynomore.blogspot.com
Jul 29 - 1AM
Lisa E. Scott
Lisa E. Scott's picture

Jane

Absolutely, I agree with Barbara. Do not let them scare or threaten you. They succeeded with his last ex, but they're not going to succeed with you. They have nothing on you. No one can prove defamation unless they can prove you're making up blatant lies. If everything is true, he doesn't have a leg to stand on. Nice try, guy. I consulted with an attorney on this quite a bit before writing my book. E-mail me and I can give you the whole low down. These idiot men are simply trying to scare you. Your sister means well and wants you to move on with your life so I see why she might encourage it, but then again, she has not been through what you have been through. Nor does she know what it's about. You HAVE moved on and now you're taking your dignity back and you're helping warn others. You're also holding him accountable for his actions and don't you think he should be held responsible?! People need to be held accountable for their actions! I'm sorry, but in the age of information, people need to understand that they will be held accountable for their actions just like service providers must be held accountable for the service they provide. If a restaurant provides bad service, someone will tweet about it, right? Why does this human think he can go around treating people horribly and get away with it? Oh, I know why, because he's not a human. He's a narcissist and he's not living in reality in any way shape or form. Well, wake him up, Jane! It's time for him to face the music. Do NOT take your site down.
Jul 31 - 3AM (Reply to #24)
Jane (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

Mail Abuse

Did I mention that I filed a mail abuse case with Yahoo? I bet his employers will not be happy when they found out that the "unlawful act" was carried out from their premises using one of their machines... I'm not normally a revenge type of person, but I've had enough of people walking all over me. It's time to stand up for myself. Jane http://sadlynomore.blogspot.com
Jul 31 - 2PM (Reply to #25)
Barbara (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

revenge

this is NOT REVENGE it is holding that dirtbag accountable for his actions. GOOD FOR YOU!! ~~~~~~~~~~~~ Articles & information for abuse victims - Updated Daily Online Coaching for Victims of Narcissists/ Psychopaths
Jul 31 - 2AM (Reply to #23)
Jane (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

Thanks for the pep talk,

Thanks for the pep talk, Lisa. I don't know why I still let him get to me so much, knowing exactly what kind of person he is. Jane http://sadlynomore.blogspot.com
Jul 30 - 4PM (Reply to #7)
Jane (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

he emailed me

I know we are not supposed to have any contact, but I emailed him last night requesting him to put an end to this "harrassment by proxy" campaign of his... Today, after 9 months of no communication (with the exception of that two liner he sent the other day) from him, he emails me. The following are some excerpts from his long email: "I could care less about you. By me not talking to you is/was an indication that I have moved. You’re just pissed off that I did and you can’t. Having the blog up will only keep the wound open, you trying to communicate with me is only an indication that you’re not ready to move on. I know what I did to you and I don’t deny it. This is one of the reasons for me changing my life and lifestyle. My life has dramatically changed after I broke up with you. Just because something bad happened to you, doesn’t mean that it happens to everyone else." "...I have also shown your blog to plenty of people and their conclusions are consistent “the bitch is wacko/psychotic”. Your blog has nothing to do with dignity. It just shows that you are an angry person and you can’t move on. You are self-destructive. It’s been more than a year!!!" [Technically, it's been 9 months] "...You are so easy to blame me for everything. Have you ever realized how many times you have humiliated me in front of my friends???" [this statement is completely untrue. I never humiliated him, unless you count one night when he was taunting and demeaning me in front of his friends so badly that I couldn't take it anymore so I walked outside for some air to clear my head.] "...You have never taken accountability for anything!!!! You have ALWAYS blamed other people for your own faults. You’ve ALWAYS claimed to be the victim, think about it. While you’re at it, get checked out for social anxiety too." [The truth is the opposite. I did take the blame many times, even when I wasn't at fault. He was always completely blameless, even when he dissappeared for weeks or didn't call when he said he would] "...We can sit here, go back and forth with the threats and name calling, but it doesn’t help anything or anyone. In order for you to move on, means taking down the blog and don’t send me e-mails. You’re going to be reminded of me over and over and over again. It won’t help you. You think you’re doing a service to other women, you have only painted yourself as being nuts." These are just a few bits. Nowhere does he offers an apology or compassion for what he put me through. I'm just another expendable statistic. Someone he has discarded long time ago. Someone who aparently is crazy. Comments anyone? Jane http://sadlynomore.blogspot.com
Aug 5 - 6AM (Reply to #22)
quietude (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

good for you jane

You know, WE recognize the BS when we see it, someone else might think, 'oh what a reasonable letter he wrote'. I think it's downright insulting for him to say WE need to stop. He started the misery, HE can finish it by leaving you the hell alone. It cracks me up how this PROVES they are capable of 'acting' normal. Why didn't he always act normal before?? Why? Because they only act HOW it's advantageous to them. Letters like that I find more infuriating than the mean ones. Hopefully, now that you've demanded NC he'll buzz off for good.
Aug 4 - 4PM (Reply to #15)
Jane (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

my response

I know I shouldn't have replied, but this is what I wrote to him yesterday in response to his long email: I couldn't care less what you think or say about me, nor in what your twisted version of the truth is, nor what some members of your family or friends allegedly think. Because we both know that every insult or false claim you hurl at me is just a sad effort from your part to make yourself feel better. Take your past relationship history as a testament - there was always something wrong about your exes, never you right? They are all psycho's right? You can't possibly panthom the idea of cause-and-effect because that would mean you actually had a part in causing that reaction, thus admitting that you are to blame. Of course you would "make amends" with xxxxxx. That's if one could actually classify blackmailing her with pressing charges as making amends. Now for the last time, don't try to contact me again or get anyone of your friends to harass me. I'm not slandering or defaming your name, because what I'm saying is the truth and I have tangible proof. If on the other hand you attempt to smear my name in any way shape or form with whatever lies you concoct, I will sue. One of my friends in xxxxxxx has already set me up with her lawyer friend and I know I have a good case. Oh and btw, I reported your account to Yahoo Mail Abuse. It was rather silly of you to open that account whilst you were at work (IP is registered to Cxxxxxd) and send me that email during your official working hours don't you think? I bet your employer would be quite interested in this. Talk about self-destructive. You are full of crap. People will in time see right through that mask of yours. Now leave me ALONE! Jane http://sadlynomore.blogspot.com
Aug 5 - 2AM (Reply to #18)
Jane (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

peace offering....!!!!!!

LMAO So girls, I receive an email from him in reply to the above, the contents of which I am pasting below: ---------- Forwarded message ---------- From: Date: Wed, Aug 5, 2009 at 3:34 AM Subject: peace offering... To: Jane, We need to put an end to this fighting. This is getting us nowhere. We can sit here, go back and forth insulting and ripping at each other, but it only makes the situation worse. I really want to apologize to you for putting you through this hell and wished it had ended on a more positive note. I know what I did to you and I'm truly sorry. btw - I want to congratulate you on your bellydancing. I'm glad that you were successful in making it all happen. I wish you all the best:-) Take care, Pxxxxxk He truly has changed his tone from his last email!! I wonder why... maybe he has realised that I am no longer the doormat that I was when I was under his spell... Or maybe he's got someone else to put that together for him in an effort to calm the situation down given that there is his job and reputation at stake with that mail abuse case hanging by a thread (I haven't *yet* cc'd it to the human resources department yet - not sure if that's the right thing to do.) Still it is a pure excuse for an apology... if he really thinks he is going to buy my forgiveness with a few cheesy words by email, he can think again, because I won't rest till his life is wrecked the way he wrecked mine. Forgive him, my a$$. Jane http://sadlynomore.blogspot.com
Aug 5 - 1PM (Reply to #21)
Barbara (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

BULLSH*T

he hasn't changed his tone or "realized" a damn thing. he's just changed his tactics and put on his PRETEND GUY mask! James is right on - he's trying a little sugar. Do NOT take down that blog - the public has a right to know. And you have a right to keep your feelings out there to help validate & educate others. DO NOT RESPOND. Save it - he's trying to REEL YOU BACK IN to believing he's o.k. BULLCRAP! ~~~~~~~~~~~~ Articles & information for abuse victims - Updated Daily Online Coaching for Victims of Narcissists/ Psychopaths
Aug 5 - 4AM (Reply to #20)
Jane (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

correction

I meant *poor* not *pure*... as in a poor excuse for an apology... Jane http://sadlynomore.blogspot.com
Aug 5 - 3AM (Reply to #19)
James (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

Backpedding

Jane, If one trick doesn't work, not to worry they always tried something else. If they can't hurt you with anger, then try a little sugar...
Aug 4 - 5PM (Reply to #16)
Barbara (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

Jane

be SURE to cc this TO HIS EMPLOYER'S HUMAN RESOURCES DEPT asap AND BLOCK HIM!! NO MORE EMAIL - he won't care he will just write you back something to scare & hurt you more. NO MORE!!!!! ~~~~~~~~~~~~ Articles & information for abuse victims - Updated Daily Online Coaching for Victims of Narcissists/ Psychopaths
Aug 4 - 5PM (Reply to #17)
tina
tina's picture

Jane - Listen to Barbara

Please do not have contact with him in any way! I am worried for you not only because the more you text/email whatever, he will use this as a reason to answer back and he sounds like such a nut job you do not need to have him in your life at all. He is so not worth it. Please listen to Barbara! NO CONTACT friend!!!
Aug 3 - 1AM (Reply to #13)
Jane (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

Oh just to clarify things...

Oh just to clarify things... he did not break up with me in an official way. He simply dissappeared, leaving me to do the math all by myself. Coward. Jane http://sadlynomore.blogspot.com
Aug 4 - 7AM (Reply to #14)
James (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

How true

One thing about this disorder i have learned is they are all cowards in the end! http://james-personalitydisorder.blogspot.com/
Jul 30 - 10PM (Reply to #12)
Lisa E. Scott
Lisa E. Scott's picture

Jane

I'm so sorry you had to endure his horrible e-mail. You didn't deserve that, no one does. The man is horribly cruel and sadistic. However, please take a lesson away from this experience. By e-mailing him, you validated him and only hurt yourself in the end. Re-establish NO CONTACT. It's the only way to deal with these people. They are not human and they will never respond in a human way. You should never expect anything different from them. They are miserable, envious, cruel people that you must cut out of your life for good. Cut him out, but keep up your blog. Hang in there and be gentle with yourself. This is a process. You learned something here. Be grateful for that, but promise to remember your lesson. Big Hugs, Lisa
Jul 30 - 10PM (Reply to #9)
Barbara (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

Jane

Nowhere does he offers an apology or compassion for what he put me through. I'm just another expendable statistic. Someone he has discarded long time ago. Someone who aparently is crazy. Comments anyone? So I hope you have seen the fruitlessness and futility of having CONTACT with this piece of crap. What did you expect? That he's a human? LOL Do you honestly BELIEVE anything he says about you??? Do you know how many of us victims get called "crazy, scorned, obsessed, unstable, stupid bitch, idiots... etc." ALL OF US!! Does the fact that this jerk you are giving power to by even EMAILING him -- said it make it true? Do you feel any better? Did your email accomplish anything? NO MORE CONTACT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! and keep that blog up... as both Lisa & I told you. And PLEASE take your email to him and HIS RESPONSE and POST THEM ON YOUR BLOG. It's a perfect example of what to expect when you expect them to be human... http://narc-attack.blogspot.com/2008/03/poor-narcissist-feels-threatened.html ~~~~~~~~~~~~ Articles & information for abuse victims - Updated Daily Online Coaching for Victims of Narcissists/ Psychopaths
Jul 31 - 12AM (Reply to #10)
Jane (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

You are right, Barbara

I guess I was hoping that there was some shred of humanity inside of him, that there was some meaning to the two years we spent together, that he cared a little...But if anything that email is proof that neither I nor óur relationship meant a thing to him. Admittedly I was in pieces last night, but I woke up this morning more determined than ever and have vowed not to contact him again. All I need to address is this lingering feeling of having been wronged, and the self-loathing for letting it happen and not walking away sooner. I really thought I was over this, but you girls were right from the getgo. It takes much longer, and it does keep coming back to haunt you periodically. Thanks for your support girls. I don't know where I'd be without this forum, no one else understands where I'm coming from. Jane http://sadlynomore.blogspot.com
Jul 31 - 8AM (Reply to #11)
Marie
Marie's picture

Jane

I'm at a loss for words with this. Also so sick of hearing people called "wacko" or "psycho" by those that are truly mental. What a nutcase he is and that friends get involved too; it says a lot about their character as well. I agree with Barbara and Lisa on no contact. The responses you got were those scripted ones they use. It was the same with my jerk "I'm sorry you are having such a hard time with this" "we discussed that we were moving on, I don't know why you seem confused" blah blah blah... It made me want to go and scratch his eyes out. Even though I was having no contact with him whatsoever once I caught on to his little game of "how come you never call me" to finding out he was complaining that I was calling so much. Once out of a month was too much? So that went back to zero. Good for you that you have your blog! Don't let him stop you and don't be angry with yourself. It's hard I go through the same thoughts in my head. I should have listened to my gut from the beginning and not got involved. After the first time he pulled the D&D I shouldn't have taken him back. It's water under the bridge that you need to move on from. The only hatred and anger I have is for him. He can give me contemptuous looks all he wants but it will no where near match the hatred I feel for him. Be strong!