obsessing

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#1 May 14, 2017 - 7:27am

obsessing

Hiya,

I just came on to read for a little bit of comfort, as I am obsessing constantly. Ive blocked and gone no contact even stopped the visitation with him seeing our babies until I can get a proper court arrangement in place as it was impossible to communicate what was the best interest for our children, and seeing him for handovers was impossible with him bringing his new victim to my house, or being verbally abusive and it was distressing me which is no good for my babies.

However Im obsessing... I'm constantly thinking about what he's doing, whats he's gonna do next (as got really nasty about the contact stopping through emails, which I have now set up a new email account) Im constantly feeling like I'm going to see him, my stomach in knots when just walking to the local supermarket, Ive been dreading leaving the house incase I see him or his car or him and her.. I keep thinking has he changed for her I know its crazy thinking but he has been completely different with this one then all the others he's been with in the last 4 years since we been split up, i know he has just upped his game with this one as he has lots of previous ex's who will all be feeling like me too. but its like I've finally got him out of my life right now and I'm still letting all this consume me and its driving me mad...

any tips? i just feel like he's took over my brain!! Ive also started therapy too which has been good, we talked about how i had given him all my power for the last 9 years even though we been split up for nearly 5 I've still been playing the silly games day in day out!!

xxx

May 20, 2017 - 12:38pm

They cause us to obsess

I'm so sorry you're going through this, Lily. I can tell you that your ex has programmed you (brainwashed you) to obsess about him. It's important you understand this....here's a link to a blog I wrote on obsessing, which may be helpful to you:

http://www.lisaescott.com/2014/01/12/obsessing-about-narcissist

I'm so glad you are in therapy right now because that's exactly what you need to move on and stop obsessing. I've had OCD my entire life, ever since I can remember so I've learned some really good coping techniques to stop obsessing that I will share in my upcoming free webinar coming in June. This info is also in my book, The Path Forward. Hard to summarize here, but bottom line is that you have to stop judging the thoughts when they occur. You cannot control the thoughts from coming, but you can control how you respond to the thoughts when they do occur. How you respond either reinforces these thoughts or minimizes them. I can explain in more detail in upcoming free webinar I will announce shortly or you can sign up to work with me one-on-one as well. Hang in there! You can and will stop obsessing about him if you work the steps here.

Love & Light,
Lisa

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