I am losing my Mind...please someone help me

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#1 Oct 14 - 6AM
Klang0712
Klang0712's picture

I am losing my Mind...please someone help me

THIS IS A LONG STORY...PLEASE BE PATIENT

my situation is very difficult, I was married when I met this guy from ok n I am in CO we met on some animal forum cause my cat was dying. Me n him just completely fell in love in less than a MTH that was back in June/2014. But in the begining I didn't tell him I was married n I had kids, I spoke about my dying cat. Somehow he found out that I was married (HE DID A BACKGROUND CHECK ON ME). When he found out he told me n when I tried leaving him cause that night, he said you can't leave cause if you do I will let your husband know that you have been talking to me. I was so scared n I didn't know what to do so I continued speaking to him but we never met cause we were 2 states away. We spoke every single min of the day for about 3 wks than one night I was going out with my gfs n out of the blue he showed up at where I was completely unexpected. Btw he has been discharged from military n he is on full disability from PTSD. We were intimate the first night we met. I have not been with anyone beside my husband, my husband n I had an arranged marriage. It was so wonderful to have someone so attentive towards me. He was much younger than me About 12 years n we just had sooooo much in common n no way was our relationship was based on sex it was much much more than that. He would come couple of times more to CO to surprise me n than he asked me to come to OK, which I did...I was planning on leaving my husband btw way before I met him but knowing him sorta gave me the push. I went to OK n when I got to OK my hubby found out n he told me he knows everything. He even contacted him, it was hell for me cause I thought I was going to lose my kids but then I decided it was best I left him. R (the guy I was having an affair with) was wonderful to me but as soon as I came back to tell my hubby I want a divorce R told me to get lost. Wanted nothing at all to do with me. That was all back in Sept/2014. He called me all sorts of names insulted me to back off n I flooded him with gifts n begged him to take me back but he wouldn't before all this happened he was telling me how much he wanted to move CO. So we would talk allot about it. But right after I LEFT OK he told me he wanted nothing more to do with me. He was rude n treated me like crap. We stopped talking in Dec n my hubby did not want a divorce so we tried working thru it all for the sake of the kids. He had changed his phone so I had no way of contacting him n I thought it was genuinely over but than one night a week or so later in Dec/2014 for I was out with my sister on her bday out of the blue he contacted me. It was so nice to hear from him all I could do was hear him talk....I didn't say much but just heard how wonderful he sounded but he sounded so depressed. Than the next day something happened n he blew up at me again n just completely stopped talking to me again. I was yet again devastated. Than at the end of Jan/2015 I was able to contact him n he came to my work he has already moved to CO by than n than he saw my wedding ring on my finger n just blew up. I told him you left me n I tried working it with my hubby n he was extremely upset at me cause he thought I was going to get a divorce but I didn't n he left again n told me not to contact him....this whole time I was begging him to talk to me to reach out to me it's why he showed up at my work. I was yet again devastated he left :( I reached out to him many many times still he wouldn't talk to me. Than one day I just told him it's fine I am moving on n you won't believe who showed up at my house...he showed up at my place n we hugged n kissed n talked. We had great couple of days but than he blew up again why I haven't left my hubby n quite honestly I told him I was saving up wanting to stand on my own 2 feet before I leave him but he again became vile n told me to leave him alone. Soon I found out after numerous attempts to reach out to him thru everything but still didn't have his phone number...but I saw it on his Facebook that he was dating someone. I was completely completely heartbroken devastated. He was my everything....I did so much for him was kind n treated him well but was also a crazy psycho I know I was cause I have never been in love my marriage to my husband was complete arranged to be able to fall in love omg was the best feeling in the world. I found out in April he was dating someone n I begged him to speak to me n even asked my hubby for divorce, R continued speaking to me but he was mean. He would keep saying leave him alone he has met someone else but it was my fault n I didn't. Than one day he said get lost wants nothing to do with me n cut me off the free text phone we were communicating thru. But after a few days I get a call from jail after I have not able to contact him, he called me from jail confessing his love for me n how he will marry me everything but after all he said about me n treated me there was no way I wAs being stupid n blaming him out of jail or anything I was hurt but I saw him a few days later he was so depressed n sad n I was there for him n all thus happened in Aug/2015. He saw each other again, he were better than ever. He was so nice to me but was completely depressed. During this time I had my guard up n I was also going thru my divorce process for me not for him. I got a job was saving money everything n he was quite depressed he went to jail cause of assault on his ex gf. He was trying to make her leave his apt but she wouldn't n she stroked him n he hit her n broke her cheek bone. So he had to do sometime in jail in April n then 2 years probation. He couldn't afford CO n he asked me to help him financially but I refused cause I had to save for my own future. During this time he also found out his father was dying from diabetes. So he decided to do his 2 year probation in OK. He left for OK to move his stuff but he would come back n visit me in CO n during this time he met my daughter n they both adored each other so much. He was good to her n me n just loved her with all his heart. He had to do 2 wks jail time here in CO before he started his probation. So when he came out he came straight to where I lived n got a hotel here. We saw each other everyday. I cooked for him, took care of him n as well as he did. This is the person I was in love with n he also told me a few times to leave him alone n when I would do that to him he would stalk my house, come to my work n would do everything to see me. When he was here he found out he had to do minor surgery, n we got into an argument the night before n I told him cause I was upset not meant that I won't take care of him here after the surgery, he called his younger brother to come here the next day I was so upset n he was so upset I was upset n I refused to talk to me showed up at my house waited outside in his car all afternoon would not eat until I finally came out n than he would refuse to let me go....yes I understand it's a toxic relationship. But I adored this man....n finally we made up n I took such good care of him during his surgery drove him there, made him food, bought him DVDs player so he can watch movies everything you name it I did for him. This all happened beginning of June/2016 than after a week he went back home to OK cause he had to start probation n also to be with his dad. It was heartbreaking to see him leave cause I love him so much but he had to go n I didn't have the means to keep him here I was going thru a divorce n bearly keeping myself afloat. I took really good care of him but everything changed when he got back to OK....We were fighting more each n everyday mine was cause I missed him n also before he left I gave him my father ring that meant the world to me n we agreed if we stopped talking he needs to return the ring. He knew how much it meant to me. We fought allot over the phone he was angry he had to do probation, was living in his parents home n his father was dying I get it too much on his plate. Then end of June around the 26th I mentioned something about his brother just small talk n he blew up at me n said that just for that comment he won't speak to me for a week. This upset me cause we always spoke always. After a week of no contact he refused to take my calls blocked me on his phone I had to contact his father n told him he had my dads ring n if it's over I would like him to return it. He called me on July 5th yelled at me, cussed me out n told me to disappear n leave him alone. My divorce was getting finalized I was finally able to be with him n he does this to me :( I just found out he completely blocked me on Facebook n he has not contacted me since July 5th I reached out to him many times n he would refuse to speak to me. I again contacted his parents n they told me to leave them out of this relationship, n his mom was super nice to me....she was able to tell me the ring he was going to return it but has missed placed it but they are looking for it n as soon as the find it she will return it. Just for that I had Panera Bread delusive red to their home but he never contacted me to even say thank you not once. I then on Aug 3rd, tried reaching out to him n again he would not return my text or calls for hrs…n I finally had to call his parents again n this time his father yelled at me, called me WHORE…never in my life has someone ever called me that ugly name  I am completely broken, just lost n than a few hrs later he changed his phone number again…no way for me to reach out to him. He did this once before changing his number n I can’t believe he did it again.
After a few weeks I had a friend on a dating site n she called me right away n told me that he is on the site…I said ok, she said I need to look so I looked n OMG. That prick has a pic up of him n my daughter on the site…WHY DOES HE HAVE A PIC UP OF HIM N MY DAUGHTER! She is underage…she doesn’t need to be on the site where he can bait women w/using my daughter’s pic!!! UNBELIEVEABLE! I contacted him…told him w/out cussing or getting upset to please remove the pic of my daughter off the site. He blocked me on that…n refused. I called, email the site n told them about it as well n nothing has been done. WHY DOES HE HAVE THAT PIC UP WHEN HE OBVIOUSLY WANTS NOTHING AT ALL TO DO W/ME???? WHY????
I am now seeing a Group Therapist as well as individual therapy…I am completely lost n completely broken. I want to get stronger n move on w/my life. This is the longest we haven’t spoken in almost 4mths. SOMEONE PLEASE TELL ME…IS HE COMPLETELY DONE W/ME? I want to get stronger, never ever contact him again. Does anyone else feels like me n think he is completely done…n maybe just hoping maybe the therapist could be wrong n that he will never ever try to contact me again.

ANY FEEDBACK IS GREATLY APPRECIATE…PLEASE!

Oct 18 - 10AM
Goldie
Goldie's picture

Sorry for all

Oct 18 - 11AM (Reply to #2)
Klang0712
Klang0712's picture

No my therapist both of them

Oct 23 - 6AM (Reply to #3)
dulcinea441
dulcinea441's picture

Sweetie--