so sad today...

HI everyone,

I am feeling so sad today. This past week I had to do low contact due to housing stuff and I admit that it felt good to see him after it being a month. I realized how powerful the addiction to him. Today is the day I can go completely NO contact again and I am sad. I know that sounds crazy but I have done so much reading and research and there is no going back now....I know too much. I see right through him now and in a way it makes me feel sad to know that there is no recovery for him... no more "talks' and making up. I looked at him so differently when I saw him last week. It was relieving but sad too. I wanted the fantasy of him to be real so bad.... but it isn't... he left me a voicemail on Saturday saying " If you don't call me back by the end of tonight I will never call you again"...he talked to me like I was a 7 year old and he was scolding me... Not that it matters cause we are broken up but I wasn't around my phone for a few hours and he only called once.... I called back when I got the message "like the little girl trying not to make her father mad".... and guess what you got it...he never picked up or returned the call............. Anyway all the housing stuff is done and I can go NC again. Right know I am feeling sad, hurt, angry, ashamed .....the hardest feeling I am having is total sadness. I start Goldies group tomorrow night....so thankful thank you for listening.