Almost broke NC, but stopped when I started to panic

Hello,

I have not posted much on here, or my full story. Maybe another time, but my ex of five months, who I am pretty sure is narc just got in contact with me from a new e-mail account saying he "made a mistake, misses me, wants to see me." I do not want to go back with him, and have not talked to him since October, but part of me wanted to break NC to call him out, even though I know a negative response is still a response and a form of supply. He got back with his ex right after dumping me, and about a month ago I heard from a reliable source that she is back with him and planning to move to the area for him. (It it/was? a long distance relationship). I have no idea what their status is now.

As I entertained the idea of breaking NC and calling him out, I felt anxious, nauseous, my blood pressure I am sure was high, my pulse raced, etc. It is a normal human response to want to communicate with people when you are feeling something, whether it be anger, sadness, etc. What stopped me though was this physical sensation I felt even just entertaining the idea of communicating with him. This was what stopped me. My body. My fight or flight. It made me stop and think to myself, "what normal or good person makes you feel this physically ill?" Answer-NO ONE. Sure, we can get nervous butterflies when we meet someone new and are excited, or at a job interview, but to feel physical, extreme strain is a huge red flag. I had to pet and hug my roommates golden retriever to calm down, and I didn't even talk to my ex, it was just the thought of engaging!!! Hahaha.

I guess I just learned, or maybe have known all along, that if someone makes you feel physically ill or causes this much stress....stay away. I did cave and look at his instagram today, and he posted something about listening to one of my favorite musicians and wanting to cover (he's in a band) a song she wrote called "You're the One." I can only assume this is about me, I don't know for sure, but I guess I just think "pine away jerk." He could be a little borderline too, as he misses what he no longer has.