Feeling like you are dead inside

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#1 Mar 6 - 10PM
ladylilly
ladylilly's picture

Feeling like you are dead inside

I was in the topics, and was reading a gal's cry out for understanding why she is questioning her value as a women because she heard her ex was engage to the ow. I would have replied but got login messed up... anyway I feel your pain. It has been 6 months since I heard mine is getting married and it is the same rollercoaster ride for me. On top of it, we have a child so I can not escape, the no contact rule does not really apply. However I have managed to have very little interaction, and when I do I lose my cool because I am still so angry at what he has done to my life. He says we should have phone conversations to co-parent, but I will not do it. We know where that road leads.. To be hurt, devalued, and led into despair by there cold hearted social skills, perfected just for you. I have been able to reconcile some of these feelings, from advice from Hunter, and (not) Spinning. They said it isn't any of my concern what the OW gets out of this relationship with him and I need to get some therapy. I am, about 2 times a month. It helps. But it is so hard. Stress has left its mark. Sleeplessness, hair falling out, lack of energy and always wondering if my life will ever be the way it was, care free and full of loving life. But you know, when he comes to the street to pick up our child, I see a very sorry human being. And that comes from educating myself on this condition he has... I also know that he will have his highs and lows, when he has a narc injury he becomes sullen and depressed like, then when he gets plenty of supply he wants to brag about it by hoovering and being such a happy kind friendly enemy. Knowing he will never have a healthy relationship is somehow comforting because I need to stream this anger and hurt through all the different channels and ways to equalize my constant, and I mean constant thoughts of what and how did this happen, and how am I going to spend the next 10 years having to see this person, now at events with his new wife. She is a cerebral narc, and I have also talked to bloggers about this. Some think it is a match, but I have learned from our friends here that it is really not. Couldn't be more tragic. She is codependent on him, and he does everything she asks him to do. He latched on to her for the status and the money, security and a mommy he will eventually torture. And the somatic changes when a baby comes, the sex stops completely and its like he never existed. Good luck to them! We can do this and love again, love ourselves again, and take life as is day by day. That is my hope, that I can recognize a healthy relationship if it comes my way and be happy. Yes life does seem dull without that Narc constantly calling, entertaining us with his charm and wit, and that raw humor that was sometimes very raunchy and embarrassing. I don't miss that. Take this quiet time to get well, that is what I am doing, I am trying. It is so very difficult to stop thinking things like she is younger, prettier, smarter, richer. This thought process would sap the life out of anyone! So don't do it! Love to all, LL.

Mar 12 - 8PM
omgalso
omgalso's picture

I get what you mean about the satisfying anger

Mar 7 - 10PM
Deidre99
Deidre99's picture

Sorry for your pain, we have

Mar 13 - 9PM (Reply to #2)
ladylilly
ladylilly's picture

At last a court date,

Mar 14 - 2PM (Reply to #3)
omgalso
omgalso's picture

Of course they'll be alone and miserable