Nauseated and other physical symptoms and thank you all

First I just wanted to say thank you to everyone ... I have heard some amazing advice over this last week and read so much. I'm feeling anxious and sick to my stomach today. I'm going to get out and go on a hike. I wanted to text him so bad last night to write how much I hated him and how hurt I am. But I didnt I stayed strong... I am feeling hurt and afraid today that our relationship wasn't what I thought it was. I don't know why I'm even writing ... I guess so I don't write him. It really is like a drug. It's like I can feel myself detoxing. I just want to be to the other side. Maybe the bigger picture for me is to learn patience and love for myself when I'm hurting. It's like I want to tell myself to buck up and get over it but I'm hurting so much. I'm judging myself for being in pain. Dear God grant me the patience to accept the things I can not change. The courage to change the things that I can and the wisdom to know the difference.... Thank you everyone for listening