50 shades of WHY???

A group of women I work with -- and I really like and respect these women -- went to see the 50 shades movie last night. I was asked if I would like to go, but I declined the offer. In all fairness, I have not read the books and I do not intend to see the movie. For me it is not about censorship, because I believe as adults we can decide what to read/see and what to think about it. To me, it is about refusing to support a point of view I disagree with. I can think of many topics of interest that I am not interested in, and I do not have to see or participate to make up my mind. Men who stalk, physically abuse, control, and are obsessive and jealous have no attraction for me. I do not think they are sexy, at all, and I do not believe they are likely to change, especially if they have invested a great deal of time and money in the pursuit of their activities.

What bothers me is the giggling, and smirking, and gossiping that go on. I have seen this series of books and this movie featured on entertainment news shows, and the overwhelming impression is that women are standing in line to buy these books and see this film. Women are excited by this character, and find him to be romantic. Women say things like "it's not just the sex, this movie is about their relationship," and "she is actually a strong woman who makes choices." I've also heard, "how can she understand why he is the way he is if she doesn't agree to experience what he is talking about?"

This is the crux of the issue folks. Do we really choose? Do we really give our permission for abuse to happen? Are we doing this to understand? Do we really believe that if we "love" enough and "submit" to his will, we can change a man who is entrenched in this lifestyle? Does it take us going through a relationship with a Narc or a Psychopath to see what really happens, and to suffer the way we have suffered in order to get over this fascination? Do we want to be "disciplined" and have our personal and financial lives destroyed, all for the development of a relationship?

What is it that we really want? What do we say we want, and how do we act to attract what we want? Do our actions reinforce our words?

What about our young people? My son's tell me I raised them to be "nice" and "have manners" and "respect" women, and that the girls do not want these characteristics. The girls will instead go for the "bad boy" who treats them disrespectfully, and who cheats and expects them to pay for things for him and provide him with sex, and drugs. I told my sons that perhaps they should consider looking for a better quality of girl to ask out, and consider themselves lucky that this type of girl was not interested in them. I am not sure how convinced they are.

What about the girls who end up terribly damaged or dead? Did they really give their permission to be abused that way? Was it exciting? I doubt it.

I have heard many different opinions this morning. Some say "it's fantasy -- just entertainment." Some concentrate on the story or the relationship. Some critique the actors/acting. A few said it made them uncomfortable. I don't discuss my private life at work, but I did say that I didn't believe it was very likely that a story like that would happen in the real world. It was much more likely that someone, usually the woman, would get hurt, maybe end up dead.

I didn't giggle or smirk when I said it, either. What will you do or say when this subject comes up?