Peace

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#1 Dec 16 - 10PM
Healingslowly_b...
Healingslowly_but getting there's picture

Peace

I've been a member on this site for nearly three years. I visit often to read and it still helps. My narc started off ,as they all do ,as my knight in shining armour, who saved me from my loneliness as a single mum of three little boys after a difficult divorce from their dad. Their dad wasn't a narc, just a miserable and mean man who decided that he wanted a different life with another woman who had no kids , I guess life with three little ones just wasn't his plan .... so he left. It's ten years on since I splt with him and I never once bad mouthed him, my boys adore him and he's actually turned out to be a fantastic dad over the past few years. Anyway this isn't about him, I'm rambling.
The narc swooped as I was just picking myself up a bit after being divorced a couple of years and well, you know the story ... The love bombing.... The gifts..... The quick proposal (4weeks!!!!!!)..... It was so crazy and I really truly believed that it was real love. We married about 2 yrs later after my house had sold during the tough recession. We moved house to a rented house, I cleared some of his debts with my money from the house sale, I bought all the new things for the house, paid the bills.... Everything.... Cos he was coming into money soon and he would take care of it all and I didn't have to worry .
I saw signs of narcissism from the very beginning but I was sure it was just a one off ( every time) ... I ignored the signs cos I wanted the fairy tale and this was my second marriage and I didn't want it to fail like the first . I made excuses for him... To myself... To others. His behaviour was getting worse but he convinced me that it was my fault.. They are so clever at doing this !!!!
My life started to fall apart about 10 months after the wedding. I found out about his lies, his huge debts, his drug taking everything and when I confronted him... He took me on a 6 month horrific roller coaster of pushing and pulling me, more lies, emotional abuse, sexual abuse, mental torture..... I was a mess at the end as he walked away. He played cat and mouse for a while until I could take no more and then he discarded me.
I collapsed and it took a couple of weeks for me to even lift my head .
The final discard was at the beginning of December 2011. That Christmas was a blur. I found this forum in January 2012 and my life began to slowly change.
I just want to say to anyone going through this that you can recover and survive this. Today you might feel horrific but tomorrow , if you do the work, you will feel a little better. NC is the only way to heal from them, it gives you chance to see the world clearly . I know it hurts, believed me I know how much it hurts but each day gets easier and the pain lessens. Make a choice to invest in yourself ... Give yourself the gift of peace this Christmas. Don't give him one more second of your time or energy , he doesn't deserve it and he will try and manipulate you again and again . The excitement of a lovely Christmas reunion with your knight in shining armour sounds like a wonderful dream doesn't it? But believe me, you will be discarded again by new year probably and the painful cycle will start all over again.

Choose a new peaceful life for yourself, you deserve it, we all do .
Merry Christmas to all on this amazing site

Big hugs xxxxxxx

Dec 20 - 3PM
rosedewittbukater
rosedewittbukater's picture

Excellent Message!

Dec 17 - 10AM
Hunter
Hunter's picture

Merry Christmas to you