I felt I was crazy...only someone who knows can understand

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#1 Dec 17 - 11AM
broken23
broken23's picture

I felt I was crazy...only someone who knows can understand

Ladies almost four month...nc. As some of you may have felt holidays bringing on extra depression and longing for this piece of crap.
I made the mistake (no didn't break NC) but of speaking about him to friends... And can I tell you I got some pretty hurtful and ignorant comments. The more I tried to explain...I could see people thinking I'm crazy or just a women scorned or can't get over the past. The thing what got to me is I usually only mention 10% of what even happened because the other 90% is so embarrassing and hurtful. I wanted to scream!! Anyhow I just became quiet and switched the conversation. I cried and cried by myself and am so grateful that there is this forum to help me and others feel validated. But to be honest I completely questioned myself if I was just a cynical crazy person ... Then I went through the npd criterions...
1. Grandiose- he told me when we met he has a big ego and loves power
2. Thinks he's special - always treating others like he's superior... Better educated, better dressed...image image image
3. Excessive admiration - "there are always girls in love with me"
4. Entitlement - lazy as hell, taking credit wherever he can
5. Selfish - where to start... Multiple affairs, always him first, argue for arguments sake, uses child
6. No empathy - left when my cousin died
But most of all it is the lying lying and lying that in my mind I know something is very wrong. From his credentials, to property ownership, to fidelity to faking illnesses. Everything is a lie. And I believe this is the hallmark of N. Sure I think people can be unfaithful but I don't think everyone lies about everything and then tries to convince the other that they are crazy and it's the truth. It seems a lot of people had significant others stray, but the difference was they admit the truth and then changed. Mines faked illnesses, told me he loved me, gave no answer and changed his number. I'm sorry to me that's a huge difference alone.
This journey can be so incredibly lonely at times...thanks for listening!

Dec 20 - 11AM
janice m m
janice m m's picture

Amen!

Dec 19 - 10PM
FinnegansWake
FinnegansWake's picture

Hear you!

Dec 18 - 6AM
Lookforward
Lookforward's picture

No need to explain a time

Dec 17 - 4PM
Hunter
Hunter's picture

You made a list of negatives.