Relapsed, had contact with N

I relapsed and am trying to get back on track. Was cruel (again) today, he told me that he needed nothing from me, just time for himself. Then proceeded to ask me questions to engage me. Sent a text "thank you". He again reminded me from the texts what a horrible human being he is and how there is no care for me whatsoever, thus my thank you to him. I can't believe how incredibly difficult this is, the NC, recovering my life from him. This forum is helping. I appreciate being able to read what others are going through and realizing it's not me at all, but completely him.