I fell for it....

When I met him, it seemed like he was the perfect man for me. He was kind, affectionate, had a good career, was a good cook, seemed financially responsible, honest and trustworthy, told me all of the right things, and was talking about moving in together and marriage within the first month (realize now this was red flag). Its funny looking back, because my mother didn't fall for any of his charms from the first time she met him and never liked him. Moms are always right aren't they?

He wanted to see me every night. He constantly texted sweet things to me, like 24/7. It was a lot, and I felt like it was too much at the time, but it was still great to be getting all of this positive attention. Then small things started to happen. He told me he didn't want me to talk to a guy friend of mine I've known for 12 years anymore. We kissed once 12 years ago and that was a huge problem for my ex. Even though he was still friends with exes on facebook and talking to them. I'm not the jealous type and I don't care when I'm with a man I know is loyal, and as far as I could tell he was.

He kept up with the wonderful expressions of his 'love' taking me out to really expensive dinners, taking me to the beach at night to watch the stars. I felt so special. Then the small little criticisms started. I would say something and he would get upset and say I should have phrased that differently, and he was offended, and he would literally demonstrate how I could have better expressed myself. When I told him that made me uncomfortable and seemed controlling, he pulled the car over and told me to get out if I was going to act like that. I should have gotten out of the car, but instead I submitted.

Then....I find out that he is still living with his ex girlfriend. But I couldn't talk to my guy friend anymore. Its all very funny in retrospect, funny and sad. So, I should have walked away at this point right? Nope. About a month into our relationship, Valentine's day was coming up, he kept talking about how special it was going to be, how he was going to cook me dinner, and it was going to be so much better than it was with his ex. He was constantly talking trash about her and fighting with her in text messages when I was with him. So, I started to express my frustration at the fact that it seemed like she was upsetting him a lot, and I was eager for her to move out so we could both have some peace. I thought this would solve everything and he would be less stressed, and less irritable and calmer and more happy. So, after all his talk about Valentine's day, the night before, I went over to his house. He immediately wanted to have sex, then we watched TV, and he was super distant, and texting his ex, with me sitting right there. The next day (Valentine's Day) he texted me in the morning and broke up with me.

I was heart broken, and realized, he slept with me most likely knowing he was going to break up with me the next day. This hurt the most. I felt so used and discarded. Later that night, on Valentine's Day, he started calling me over and over and over, and I wasn't answering, he had just dumped me I mean seriously? Leave me alone. Then he was texting about how he missed me and still wanted me to come over for a nice Valentine's dinner. lol. I was so confused and hurt. Finally, I answered the phone, because he literally would not stop calling. We talked for a bit, and I decided to give him another chance. Then, when he knew he had me back, rather than apologize for dumping me in a text on Valentine's Day, he was mad at me for ignoring his calls after the fact. I was shocked, and after a bit, actually felt guilty. So messed up.

So fast forward a few months, and his ex still hadn't moved out. By this time he expressed that he was so frustrated and upset she wasn't out yet, and asked me to start sleeping over at his house, with her still living there, in the hope that my presence would somehow encourage her to leave. I was really uncomfortable with this idea for a few reasons. Firstly, that's awful to do to her, I didn't know her but I would feel horrible to have my ex's new gf sleeping in the next room, additionally, he had over and over described her as this violent, angry, crazy person, and to be honest I was a little afraid of how she would react to me being there. So, I gently expressed my concerns. His reaction was immediate anger, and he said all I care about is myself, and stormed out of my house and broke up with me. I felt horrible about myself, and believed him that I was somehow being selfish. I begged him to give me another chance, took him back, and started sleeping at his place with her there. I felt so horrible about doing this. Just awful, that poor girl.

He would have these moments of clarity in which he would tell me that he tends to push people away when they get too close, but that I am more amazing than any woman he's been with, and he didn't want to do that with me, and he wanted me to help him stop pushing me away. He wanted me to actively point it out when he was pushing me away to help him stop. I should have also walked away at this point, but instead I tried to help him, to help us. This obviously didn't work. He started showing me an increasingly angry side of him. When I would do or say something he didn't like, or when I would tell him no, especially if I wasn't in the mood for sex, he would get so angry. A few times, I tried to leave him, and this is when his behavior escalated to the point where he would curse at me, tell me that he's not surprised my family and friends hate me, no wonder no one likes me once they get to know me better, he hopes I die single and alone, I have mental problems, I'm psychotic, he said once that he feels the closest thing to hate he can feel for me, later he split me into two people and said he loves the nice me, but hates the other half of me (the one that wasn't always doing what he wanted) etc. etc. the list of horrible, biting insults goes on and on and on.

He would also get physical with me, holding me, pulling me, crying his eyes out hysterically if I would talk about leaving him. Sometimes, there were very little tears, even though he sounded as if he was sobbing hysterically. When I would apologize and say I wanted to keep working on things, the verbal abuse would continue, the put downs, the hateful insults. He kept me going with just the bare minimum of affection and love he could muster.

We tried couples counseling once, after the third session, he broke up with me in the psychologists' office, after a comment I made about feeling like I can't be myself, because he is constantly correcting me and telling me a 'better' way to talk, and behave, and it made me feel like I was compromising myself and like I'm a stupid idiot who can't make any good decisions in life.

After that, I went to see the same psychologist by myself. I was hoping to find out what I could do differently, what was I doing wrong? I still thought I was the problem, that all of this was somehow my fault. His response was that he believes my ex has narcissistic personality disorder, for which there is no cure, and that I should pack my things ASAP and leave before his abusive behavior escalates.

By the end of our relationship, I truly felt like I was losing my mind. Not knowing which way was up. I was so distraught, basically thought I was a horrible person, and that everyone hated me. In the end, my family was my greatest support, and good friends referred me to some really good counseling resources. I am still working on the no contact step, as he keeps changing his email addresses in order to contact me. I blocked him off of my phone, facebook, and email, but like I said, he keeps making new email addresses to get in touch. Its so frustrating. Anyway, that's my story. If anyone can relate to this experience, I am so happy that you got out of it, stay strong, better people, and happier times are ahead for all of us.